Dieting? Buy Calorie Credits !

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Recently it was revealed that Al Gore has a large “carbon footprint” and that he setup a corporation and as CEO that allows him to assuage guilt over that large footprint by purchasing carbon credits from himself. He later invests that money in green technology companies and the profits from those stocks return to his company.

I planned to write a harsh rebuttal but as I was eating breakfast I realized something; the man is a genius. No wonder columnist Maureen Dowd calls him the “Goreacle”.

My lovely wife and I are dieting, but I realize now that we don’t need to after all. Following Gores lead, I propose a website called waste-watchers.com which will offer us the ability to purchase “dieting credits” so that we don’t actually have to change eating habits. But unlike Gore, who doesn’t allow his corporation to sell carbon credits to the public, I’ll make this website available to everyone.

Here’s a sample of “calorie credits” you can buy: Big Mac alone, 576 calories, $5. Add supersize fries and milkshake, 1720 calories, $20. Ice cream bar, 330 calories $3, Nachos with cheese, 900 calories, $9.

Simply logon the website, make your “calorie credit” purchase, and you’ll be able to eat these foods while still maintaining your calorie count guilt free.

Humorous absurdities aside, the point is that if you want to change anything, it requires real work and physical change, not accounting tricks. Honest leadership here is more incumbent on Gore than anyone, and his failure is revealing.

3 thoughts on “Dieting? Buy Calorie Credits !

  1. Anthony! Don’t be giving ol’ Occidental Al Gore any ideas! Remember the Strategic Naval Reserve? As V.P. it was Gore who engineered its sale to Occidental Petroleum. Nice work, if you can get it. Long time relationships (and a large investment in Occidental stock) pay off. Oily Al will work any scam or swindle that promises to benefit him personally.
    So I can easily see Al Gore selling trans-fat credits to McDonald’s (and himself, of course). If he made such credit offers public “Golden Arches” Al could really make a killing assuaging American gut guilt. If Gore gets wind of your idea it will not be a “humorous absurdity”, it will be — just like carbon credits — a real absurdity.

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