String Pollution Crisis

News Brief by Kip Hansen —  21 July 2022

I am forever being plagued by finding bits of string and twine and yarn in odd places in my home, yard, boat and car. Now, pollution by odd bits of twine and string have reached CRISIS PROPORTIONS, affecting even other planets in our own solar system!

Megan Marples, CNN journalist, reports:  “Mysterious bundle of string on Mars’ surface found by Perseverance rover”.  ( quotes below from this article) This image is provided by NASA…and so far, at least, no one has suggested that this incident is proof of String Theory, but it is Proof of String on Mars and, if on Mars, who is to say that anthropogenic string pollution has not found its way to other planets in our own solar system or even far-flung exo-planets.  There is no telling how dangerous String Pollution may be to any life that may exist there.

If not exactly proof of string theory in general, some think it might be supporting evidence of Spaghetti Theory, a tangled sub-set of String Theory:  “The rover’s front left hazard avoidance camera took a photo of the light-colored object on July 12 that some people likened to spaghetti.”

NASA and JPL are making a solid effort to explain away the finding:

“The string could be from the rover or its descent stage, a component similar to a rocket-powered jet pack used to safely lower the rover to the planet’s surface, according to a spokesperson for the Perseverance mission at NASA’s Jet Propulsion Laboratory in Pasadena, California.”

“Perseverance had not previously been in the area where the string was found, so it’s likely the wind blew it there, the spokesperson said.“

It does not surprise this author that neither JPL or NASA has supplied any information that shows that the rocket-powered jet-pack or the Rover itself actually used such a piece of string anywhere in its construction.   I mean, really, if you were building a rocket to Mars, would you tie things together with bits of string?

# # # # #

Author’s Comment:

I had always blamed my four kids for the String Pollution I encountered in home, yard, car and boat.  But I am certain that none of them have ever been to Mars – so they have a solid alibi in this case.

Do you have any suspects?

# # # # #

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July 20, 2022 10:18 pm

It’s quite obviously a spawn of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, thus proving that Pastafarianism is universal.

Last edited 2 months ago by StuM
Chaswarnertoo
Reply to  StuM
July 20, 2022 11:09 pm

It’s a lost bit of his noodly appendage…

Bryan A
Reply to  Chaswarnertoo
July 21, 2022 6:39 am

Looks like a pile of Nematodes to me

niceguy
Reply to  Kip Hansen
July 21, 2022 2:16 pm

Nematodes Neo Colonialism

Retired_Engineer_Jim
July 20, 2022 10:41 pm

If this was California, we’d have to outlaw single-use string.

MarkW
Reply to  Kip Hansen
July 21, 2022 7:49 am

what if the strings got wrapped around the spindles of all those Wind Turbines!

We can always hope

Bryan A
Reply to  Kip Hansen
July 21, 2022 3:25 pm

What if the strings were to disappear from string bikinis.
Must protect the endangered strings.
And the Nauga

Bryan A
Reply to  Kip Hansen
July 21, 2022 7:27 pm

Buffalo Sauce
Nauga Hide
Vanishing String Bikinis
What’s next…
Oh the Hugh Manatee
We’re definitely going to Helena Hand Basket

Last edited 2 months ago by Bryan A
Mark D
Reply to  Bryan A
July 23, 2022 4:38 pm

Orient Beach St Maarten is proof most humans should not loose their strings.

For those worthy however 😉

Kurt Linton
Reply to  Kip Hansen
July 24, 2022 1:15 am

Strings are also attached to tampons. And there is apparently a tampon shortage too

John V. Wright
July 20, 2022 10:42 pm

Just while we are here – can someone remind me what %age of the Martian atmosphere is made up of CO2? And what the average temperature is? Asking for a friend.

Zig Zag Wanderer
Reply to  John V. Wright
July 20, 2022 10:46 pm

95%, but atmosphere is 1% of Earth’s iirc.

My back-of-an-envelope calculation was 26x the amount of CO2 in Earth’s atmosphere. That’s why Mars is so hot.

Chaswarnertoo
Reply to  Zig Zag Wanderer
July 20, 2022 11:07 pm

Nikolov and Zeller are right, then?

Bryan A
Reply to  Zig Zag Wanderer
July 21, 2022 3:37 pm

Earth has 420ppm (.00042) and Mars has 950,000ppm (.95) but only 1% relative atmospheric pressure so (.95/.00042=2261.9) 22.6 times

Last edited 2 months ago by Bryan A
July 20, 2022 10:43 pm

Hmm. Kind of looks like the pieces of sisal that I find all over my office floor.

Yep. My cat Artemis is looking just TOO innocent…

Dave Fair
Reply to  writing observer
July 20, 2022 11:18 pm

With our shedding dogs it is no longer Dust Bunnies; its Dust Puppies.

another ian
Reply to  Dave Fair
July 21, 2022 3:48 am

Years ago I had Dust Bunnies explained this way –

“You clean the room out, close the door and no one goes in for a long time and their is a new crop when you look.

So what could get in? Ghosts. so they must be ghost turds.

So maybe that is one hardened by interplanetary exposure?

Zig Zag Wanderer
Reply to  another ian
July 21, 2022 8:39 am

Nah. That’s Kipple.

What we have here is interplanetary Kipple.

https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=kipple

No one can win against kipple, except temporarily and maybe in one spot, like in my apartment I’ve sort of created a stasis between the pressure of kipple and nonkipple, for the time being. But eventually I’ll die or go away, and then the kipple will again take over. It’s a universal principle operating throughout the universe; the entire universe is moving toward a final state of total, absolute kippleization.

Last edited 2 months ago by Zig Zag Wanderer
Zig Zag Wanderer
Reply to  Kip Hansen
July 21, 2022 10:48 am

Kip, PKD is also one of my favourite authors. His ideas were incredibly twisted and unique.

Having read a lot more about his life, however, I’ve come to realise that he suffered terribly from mental instability. Many of his books reflect this, as well as his problems with addiction.

Unfortunately, on rereading, I’ve become to realise that many of his stories stories actually had little or no thread to follow nor proper conclusion. They also contain quite bizarre and inexplicable social interactions at times. I’ve therefore culled my collection considerably.

GEO
Reply to  another ian
July 21, 2022 9:24 am

Yes, it’s ghosts.

John-Carpenters-Ghosts-of-Mars-UK-Blu-Ray.jpg
KcTaz
Reply to  Dave Fair
July 21, 2022 2:25 pm

OMG do I ever know what you mean! We have three dogs but only one that sheds. I suppose it would be worse if all three shed but I can’t really imagine how.

OldGreyGuy
Reply to  Dave Fair
July 21, 2022 7:14 pm

Some days I wonder if I could knit another Corgi from all of the hair (fur) he sheds.

Craig from Oz
July 20, 2022 10:44 pm

Sing along if you know the words:

‘String String String String
Everybody loves string
String String String String
Everybody loves string
Pull on your pants, slip on your vest
Everybody knows string is best’
(repeat ad nauseam)

(Goodies,S5e6)

another ian
Reply to  Craig from Oz
July 21, 2022 3:41 am

Or the verse from The New Christie Minstrels –

“And for those of us old enough to remember The New Christie Milstrels and their parody version:
: “I keep my pants up with a piece of twine,
: I keep my eyes wide open all the time,
: I keep myself quite willin’ all the time,
: Because you’re mine — please pull the twine.”

https://www.phrases.org.uk/bulletin_board/44/messages/478.html

July 20, 2022 11:14 pm

Clearly NASA should be using photodegradeable string.

Old Cocky
Reply to  Kip Hansen
July 21, 2022 2:52 pm

Balls of used string are very important.

Scrooge McDuck and Flintheart Glomgold used their balls of string as a tie-breaker.

Perhaps this piece could have changed the outcome.

Old Cocky
Reply to  Kip Hansen
July 21, 2022 4:38 pm

The first dime Scrooge ever earned plays a part in most stories.

The original story was “The Second Richest Duck”.

For even more relevance, there was also a Scrooge story set on the Moon.

Dave Fair
July 20, 2022 11:14 pm

Thank you, JPL. You’ve found the fluff from my belly button the last time I dieted.

Editor
July 20, 2022 11:31 pm

It looks like a root of Poison Ivy. Maybe it grew there when Mars had water. There is one argument against:- they look dead, and nothing can kill Poison Ivy. Or maybe a few million years with no water can do it, in which case there could be one benefit from climate change (the sort that creates droughts, empties dams, ends snowfalls, etc, not the other version that they trot out when there’s a flood).

Rick C
Reply to  Kip Hansen
July 21, 2022 10:01 am

Poison Ivy is just one species I would like to be included in the Sixth Great Extinction to be caused by humans. Garlic Mustard, wild Parsnip, Honeysuckle, Ticks, Mosquitoes, Earwigs and a large number of viruses should also be included. My wife could add a long list of other weeds and bugs we could do without.

Rick C
Reply to  Kip Hansen
July 21, 2022 7:19 pm

LOL.

Clyde Spencer
Reply to  Mike Jonas
July 21, 2022 9:46 am

I think that it is a branch that has broken off a Martian tumbleweed.

Clyde Spencer
Reply to  Clyde Spencer
July 22, 2022 8:40 pm
Old Man Winter
July 21, 2022 12:19 am

It’s an ancient fishing lure Early Martians used to fish the Martian canals. The fish-shaped part is off to the right of the feather made from early Martian fibers.

OR

It’s the remnants of a “DO NOT REMOVE FROM PILLOW” tag that was removed from the
pillow for which a Martian was imprisoned!

fishlure.jpg
Last edited 2 months ago by Old Man Winter
Clyde Spencer
Reply to  Kip Hansen
July 21, 2022 9:49 am

Be worried. Very worried. The BATM will soon be at your door making sure you are not making any mattress straw purchases.

Old Man Winter
July 21, 2022 1:24 am

Every Greenie knows it’s obviously conclusive proof of Man Made Glow-Bull Warming!

Last edited 2 months ago by Old Man Winter
fretslider
July 21, 2022 1:41 am

“I am forever being plagued by finding bits of string”

Simple solution – cats love the string game.

Moderately Cross of East Anglia
July 21, 2022 2:04 am

Look carefully for a piece of metal with “Acme Rocket Co” on it and a Coyote wondering what else could possibly go wrong…

Joe Crawford
Reply to  Kip Hansen
July 21, 2022 8:41 am

Nah… NASA would never resort to sticky tape and bubble gum, they’re too high class. They’d rather use Duct Tape since it slowly degrades in sunlight :<)

Moderately Cross of East Anglia
Reply to  Kip Hansen
July 21, 2022 9:43 am

Kip – are you quietly telling us you have been to Mars on your sailboat?

I find that a happy possibility to contemplate : we need someone to invent a source of almost limitless power that can be knocked up into an engine in their garage and avoid turning the Earth into an open cast mine worked by children so the green halfwits can drive around in hideous looking useless electric cars.

I must have read too much Jules Verne as a child.

Mark D
Reply to  Kip Hansen
July 23, 2022 4:44 pm

You know you’re a cruising sailor when all your clothing and half your skin is covered with 5200.

Alasdair
July 21, 2022 2:48 am

Strange. I can never find a bit string when I need one. And what is more the NHS does NOT provide a Care Package for this affliction.

Richard Page
Reply to  Alasdair
July 21, 2022 4:10 am

Neither can I – this must be proof that string is a quantum structure that teleports to Mars as soon as it is no longer observed. We need a ‘string collection rover’ to be sent there immediately before we lose all of our string from Earth!

Oldseadog
July 21, 2022 3:01 am

A hoarder near here had a jar marked “Bits of string too short to be of any further use.”

The bit in the photo is too long for that jar, though. Maybe the Soup Dragon from The Clangers TV series has lost an ingredient.

Oldseadog
Reply to  Kip Hansen
July 21, 2022 2:06 pm

Thanks, Kip.

Having looked again, perhaps the item in question has unravelled from Colonel Clanger’s body.

John Garrett
July 21, 2022 3:10 am

Kip,
★★★★★

Well played!!!

It’s obviously a string emergency.

It’s clear and conclusive proof along multiple lines of evidence of a string crisis and the only possible remedy is spending billions of dollars by government to fund further study by the Environmental Protection Agency along with perpetual grants to universities and NGOs throughout the land.

Last edited 2 months ago by John Garrett
Peta of Newark
July 21, 2022 3:12 am

No no no..
If you dim the lights, use a huuuuuuge magnifier glass, squint your eyes and
lean your head over to the left – now what do you see?

A Squirrel.
epic innit

Sorry no, I’m joshing.
It is actually an MRI brain scan of Joe Brandon – again at epic magnification.
Yes, that’s what he’s got between his ears

And don’t laugh, if..

  • You have a BMI of over 27
  • Get more than 20% of your calories from carbohydrate and refined sugar
  • Have pre-diabetes
  • Have any variation of auto-immune disorder
  • Live in an area where Glyphosate is used…
  • ….or eat food sprayed with the stuff
  • Have Mercury and Palladium in your teeth
  • Drink any amount of alcohol and or do cannabis
  • Glimpse anything more than 10 minutes of TV per day
  • Read newspapers
  • Do Social Media
  • Spend the average (US figure) amount of less than 6% of your time out-of-doors (any weather)
  • Have never heard of Linus Pauling (Vitamin C)
  • Your name is Boris Johnson

Then your brane is little different

Explains a lot doncha think
(do that thinking while you still can – every pizza, doughnut, spliff and glass of whiskey take you down another notch)

Last edited 2 months ago by Peta of Newark
Old Man Winter
Reply to  Peta of Newark
July 21, 2022 3:49 am

That string proves the Moon Landing was faked. It came from the waistcoat & hair of the person not
wearing a space suit. The Express claims the craters were those at Groom Lake in Area 51 so
they’re probably still using that set to fake Mars landings, too!

fakemoon.jpg
griff
July 21, 2022 3:56 am

Nice to see an article on string theory…

Birdynumnum
Reply to  griff
July 21, 2022 4:24 am

Took you a while to string that together.

Birdynumnum
Reply to  griff
July 21, 2022 4:25 am

Its off a tied old gauge

JohnC
July 21, 2022 4:22 am

For all Brits of a certain age. Its one of the strings from Captain Black when he became a Mysteron agent.

Zig Zag Wanderer
Reply to  JohnC
July 21, 2022 10:54 am

That takes me back a few decades!

Disputin
July 21, 2022 4:34 am

The chief defect of Henry King
Was chewing little bits of string
At length he swallowed some
Which tied itself in ugly knots inside…

Hillare Beloc

Last edited 2 months ago by Disputin
Disputin
Reply to  Kip Hansen
July 21, 2022 11:16 am

I don’t think so, but I don’t know what happened after his death. Maybe his soul teleported to Mars?

Pflashgordon
July 21, 2022 4:39 am

Fibrous mineral, a form of asbestos most likely. Why should NASA’s first thought be that, in the vast surface of Mars, their rover just happened to photograph wind blown string from the landing site far away? Highly improbable. I know, this is a funny discussion “thread,” but the solution would be to sample and analyze it with their on-board lab.

If it proves to be string, then they are hiding the truth. UFOs and ETs are real and just as messy as we earthlings.

Charlie
July 21, 2022 5:44 am

NASA and JPL are racist, or something. Have they ruled out that thing is, in fact, a Martian? No, they haven’t. Never even considered it. I am outraged.

DonM
Reply to  Charlie
July 21, 2022 12:11 pm

Tellurian-centric bigots all. Lacking adequate perspective as a result of their relative invariability & conformity.

They need to introduce, and spend 2 or 3 million on a diversity & inclusion program at NASA & JPL.

Personnel recruitment policies need to be analyzed & modified to ensure that people like Charlie are not reluctant to become involved in NASA & JPL.

Frank from NoVA
July 21, 2022 6:09 am

I assume it’s the string from one of those mylar ‘Happy Birthday’ balloons one often comes across while walking around in the middle of nowhere.

Frank from NoVA
Reply to  Kip Hansen
July 21, 2022 9:25 am

Dunno about the difference between Martian and Earth years, but given your ability to make people think, or even laugh from time to time, I’d say you’re still young.

H.R.
July 21, 2022 6:40 am

“I mean, really, if you were building a rocket to the moon, would you tie things together with bits of string?”


Don’t be silly. You’d use…

“Duck Tape. The handyman’s secret weapon.”

~ Red Green

H.R.
Reply to  Kip Hansen
July 21, 2022 6:40 pm

Oh dear, Kip. It doesn’t seem apparent that you’re familiar with Red Green.

Red Green will have been there and left because… no beer, but yeah, he’ll have left Duck Tape behind. I’m sure Red has Duck taped many a UFO and sent it on its way.

The Official Red Green Web Site

Duck Tape is featured prominently in “The Handyman’s Corner” segments. You can do anything with Duck Tape.

Olen
July 21, 2022 7:17 am

Right off she assumed we did it! Without looking for evidence.

So far no indication of life on Mars has been found. At least if we are the ones who left it there and I am not saying we did it, you can be assured it is there for a good purpose.

Bruce Cobb
July 21, 2022 7:25 am

I am holding off on panicking about it unless and until Biden declares it to be a “clear and present danger”.

H.R.
Reply to  Kip Hansen
July 21, 2022 7:06 pm

Oh dear. I hope when he wakes up from his nappy and has had his pudding cup, he’ll address this existential crisis.

The Fate of The World depends on Joe Biden.



Oh dear… Oh well. It’s been nice knowing everyone here. Let’s all carry on as long as we can, shall we?

Clyde Spencer
Reply to  Bruce Cobb
July 21, 2022 10:02 am

Well, if he does decide that it is a “clear and present danger” he had better get his pen out and write an Executive Order because he should know that Congress will never get around to passing legislation addressing it. It is, after all, spelled out in the Constitution that it is the president’s responsibility to whip up EOs when the legislative branch is too busy raising campaigning money to find time to pass laws.

H.R.
Reply to  Clyde Spencer
July 21, 2022 7:08 pm

Ouch!! Too accurate, Clyde.

Clyde Spencer
Reply to  H.R.
July 22, 2022 8:42 pm

There is a saying that all humor has a core of truth.

Gunga Din
July 21, 2022 7:59 am

Obviously this was the center of a vast ancient Martian ocean.
All that remains of that ocean and its vast “garbage patch” of plastic waste is this little bit of fishing line.

H.R.
Reply to  Gunga Din
July 21, 2022 7:17 pm

🤣 🤣 But of course!

And the beer cans, Gunga Din? Where are they?

Gunga Din
Reply to  Kip Hansen
July 22, 2022 8:13 am

Martians! The first Greenies!
(Were they “little green he/she/its”?)

Clyde Spencer
Reply to  Gunga Din
July 22, 2022 8:45 pm

Where are the other 71 genders? Are you trying to offend the others by not acknowledging them? Be careful with your microagressions. You will hurt someone’s somethings feelings.

Gunga Din
July 21, 2022 8:02 am

Forget the string.
Is that a fossil swiss army knife in the upper right?

Andy Pattullo
July 21, 2022 8:35 am

I think they are just stringing us along to distract from the disaster caused by their fake climate emergency rhetoric.

Jeff Labute
July 21, 2022 8:38 am

Oh no. Didn’t anyone consider before using string, that a rock, or something might get caught in it??

Gunga Din
Reply to  Jeff Labute
July 21, 2022 1:47 pm

I think that rock to the left is an infinity stone.
(They better tilt the camera up to see if Thanos is near!)

Hoyt Clagwell
July 21, 2022 9:17 am

For God’s sake tell NASA not to pull on that string. The whole planet could unravel like a cheap sweater!

Thomas Burk
July 21, 2022 9:30 am

Certain mementos are carried to Mars aboard our spacecraft and it is only fitting that string from the Cavendish laboratory made it to the Red Planet — the Cavendish being where the constituents of the atom were discovered by JJ Thomson and Ernest Rutherford where string and sealing wax were significant components of their laboratory apparatus.

July 21, 2022 10:43 am

Hansen, have you been drinking and posting again?

DonM
July 21, 2022 12:20 pm

Dig down a little deeper and the skull will be visible. Deeper yet and the entire mummy, with the wispy red hair, will confirm the Ancient Alien theory. (even deeper and CAGW theory may be confirmed).

July 21, 2022 3:59 pm

It could be left over string from a sandwich wrapper on Devon Island.

JCalvertN(UK)
July 22, 2022 9:34 am

I reckon it’s fake news. It IS CNN after all.
(Or even someone having a larf! Though hard to imagine at CNN.)

Last edited 2 months ago by JCalvertN(UK)
Birdynumnum
Reply to  Kip Hansen
July 22, 2022 6:15 pm

It would at first glance appear that the age old question of

“How long is a piece of string?” has been answered.

But now I’m a frayed knot

Birdynumnum
Reply to  Kip Hansen
July 23, 2022 12:32 am

Some of us will go to any lengths.

Have you seen my coat?

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