Update: We Now Have Only 12 Seconds Left Until Climate Change Destroys The Planet

From The Babylon Bee.

April 30th, 2019

WORLD—A new update issued by watchdog groups on climate change indicated this afternoon that we only have 12 seconds left until climate change destroys the planet.

We previously thought we had just 12 years, then 10 years, but the latest update indicates that we have well under a minute.

“The earth will be totally destroyed in the next, oh, 12 seconds,” said Beto O’Rourke at a rally. “If you don’t give the government a bunch of money and power, it will happen. Trust me.”

“So hand over the cash, guys,” he said. “Like, now. I’m super serious.”

Final punchline at Babylon Bee.

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Susan
May 7, 2019 12:20 am

Please everyone, note that this is from a SATIRICAL site.

William
Reply to  Susan
May 7, 2019 1:12 am

Oh. Good thing you pointed that out; it is so much like the usual greenie sites, it is hard to tell.

marque2
Reply to  William
May 7, 2019 6:41 am

Snopes frequently fact checks the bee and pages have been taken down from Facebook because apparently folks can not figure out the satirical nature.

Tom in Florida
Reply to  marque2
May 7, 2019 2:46 pm

Who checks on Snopes?

BillP
Reply to  Susan
May 7, 2019 1:38 am

The only difference between satirical sites and the main stream media is that satirical sites admit they are lying.

ResourceGuy
Reply to  BillP
May 7, 2019 6:27 am

+10

Reply to  BillP
May 7, 2019 10:50 am

If CNN believes Global Warming is a real and an imminent threat, why did the far-left network agree to move much of its broadcasting operations to a location … right on the water?

https://www.breitbart.com/the-media/2019/05/07/nolte-move-to-hudson-yards-proves-cnn-knows-global-warmings-a-hoax/

Tom in Florida
Reply to  ferd berple
May 7, 2019 2:47 pm

Eye witness reporting.

Greg Cavanagh
Reply to  Tom in Florida
May 7, 2019 6:54 pm

More likely legal class action.
They want some of the money.

Ken (Kulak)
Reply to  BillP
May 9, 2019 7:52 am

Bingo!

Reply to  Susan
May 7, 2019 1:56 am

Are you sure?

Mike Haseler (Scottish Sceptic)
Reply to  Susan
May 7, 2019 2:00 am

So how are they any different from the climate cult sites?

M E Emberson
Reply to  Mike Haseler (Scottish Sceptic)
May 8, 2019 12:33 am

Its a Christian site which makes fun of all sorts of people and viewpoints. Yes, churches especially.
Frequently hilarious.
This was a good recent one https://babylonbee.com/news/democrats-make-resolution-to-impeach-trump-with-reasons-to-be-filled-in-later

John M
Reply to  Susan
May 7, 2019 4:30 am

Better make sure Snopes knows.

John Endicott
Reply to  Susan
May 7, 2019 8:29 am

Please everyone, note that this is from a SATIRICAL site.

Good thing you pointed that out Susan, as the climate alarmists have long since devolved into a living parody of themselves that these days its not always easy to spot the difference between satire and the real deal.

Reply to  Susan
May 8, 2019 7:37 am

Everyone should bookmark the Babylon Bee website. Use it to relax and lower your blood pressure after you read yet another lie by leftists, which will be every day. Just reading their headlines is hilarious

At first I was concerned, that as a long-time atheist, I would not enjoy a “Christian” website. Boy, was I wrong. Christians have a GREAT sense of humor, love life, and love our country. It’s the leftists who are always miserable (when not drunk), forever complaining about our country,
and worried about our planet (climate change).
.
.
However … I didn’t think this 12-second story was a funny as possible because the leftist trick is to predict climate doom YEARS in the future.
Robert Francis Beto O’Rourke, the crazed hand waver, is at 10 years right now. I’m waiting for some other Democrat to claim 8 years left.
.
Claiming 5 years, or 2 years, would have been a more believable headline for satire — 12 seconds was too obviously going to be a joke.
.
I try to “one up” leftists all the time, after they claim some catastrophe is on the way. If they say we have 12 years to act on climate change, for example, I seriously claim that new research proves we have only 6 years left — leftists will believe almost anything that supports their narrative — no questions asked. Try it.
.
But 12 seconds is not believable, so not as funny as two years would have been, in my opinion. Not that my own jokes are so great — only 43% of them are even recognized as jokes after I tell them.

HotScot
May 7, 2019 1:16 am

Thanos lives.

Coach Springer
Reply to  HotScot
May 7, 2019 4:49 am

Thanos is so unlike climatistas. He is entirely unbiased and fair in his solution, he is honest about his motives, he actually has great power, he is self sacrificing, he loves life and he takes action without virtue signaling.

He is much better than any climate activist.

Trevor
May 7, 2019 1:17 am

Nonsense, everyone knows that the planet was already destroyed in 2005 by climate change.

LdB
Reply to  Trevor
May 7, 2019 2:21 am

True story and I am still waiting for my climate reparations, apparently just behind several pacific island nations.

Derg
Reply to  Trevor
May 7, 2019 3:26 am

Why 2005? Was there an article making that claim?

Tom Abbott
Reply to  Derg
May 7, 2019 5:08 am
Sam Pyeatte
Reply to  Trevor
May 7, 2019 7:38 am

Yes, the planet was destroyed in 2005, so this is all a dream and we really do not need to pay taxes anymore – cool!

Greg Cavanagh
Reply to  Trevor
May 7, 2019 6:56 pm

I remember that Y2K destroyed the planet back at Christmas of 1999.

E J Zuiderwijk
May 7, 2019 1:34 am

I think the part ‘….. destroyed to make way for a Vogon bypass’ is missing.

Patrick MJD
Reply to  E J Zuiderwijk
May 7, 2019 2:40 am

Drink beer, eat peanuts and don’t forget your towel!

E J Zuiderwijk
May 7, 2019 1:35 am

I think the part ‘….. destroyed to make way for a Vogon hyperspace bypass’ is missing.

william Johnston
Reply to  E J Zuiderwijk
May 7, 2019 5:55 am

And always wear clean underwear.

Moderately Cross of East Anglia
May 7, 2019 1:42 am

Thank goodness for that, I yawned and thought I’d missed it!

I’m just off to tell the newts in the small garden pond I put in a couple of years ago that – according to the information Gerry of England posted in another, now closed, thread – they shouldn’t be there since the water is only about 18 inches deep and experts say they have to have 3 feet. I suppose they’ll have to move with all the kids now. Shame, but at least all the dragonflies are thriving.

Patrick healy
Reply to  Moderately Cross of East Anglia
May 7, 2019 2:38 am

East ‘anglica’ did you say Modeterately?
Are you anywhere near Phil Joneses central command where all the top ‘scientists’ are – you lucky man.
You will be getting a heads up on the latest ‘science’ before the rest of us.

Moderately Cross of East Anglia
Reply to  Patrick healy
May 7, 2019 3:47 am

Patrick, fortunately not too close to UEA (alternative title: Universal Extinction Anytime). East Anglia is quite big, a bit like the equivalent of Texas but without the oil.

Patrick MJD
Reply to  Moderately Cross of East Anglia
May 7, 2019 5:23 am

East Anglia as big as Texas? Ok, Victoria in Australia is about three times the size of the UK. New South Wales (NSW) is about three times the size of Victoria. NSW is bigger than Texas.

OweninGA
Reply to  Moderately Cross of East Anglia
May 7, 2019 5:46 am

Texas is about 750 miles across north to south, and 770 miles across east to west. East Anglia is about 100 miles north to south and 100 miles east to west. I’ll grant the three county area is large for a region of England, but Texas is insanely large.

I’ve driven across both and East Anglia is an easy day trip to traverse, see something, and return, while driving across Texas is a major expedition.

John F. Hultquist
Reply to  OweninGA
May 7, 2019 12:38 pm

. . . driving across Texas is a major expedition

Take I-40. It’s shorter.

OweninGA
Reply to  OweninGA
May 7, 2019 2:09 pm

Did that route going from St Louis to LA back before I-40 was finished farther west. It is much shorter, but then you have to go across Oklahoma, are you really gaining anything?

Gary Pearse
May 7, 2019 1:45 am

It raises a good point though. There is an immense lack of understanding how long a major project infinitessimally smaller than this takes to do. To open one major mine takes 8 to 10yrs for example. Competitive financing once you have completed a bankable feasibility study can take more than a year. Banks, comercial fund entities have to hire engineering firms to do detailed due diligence reviews, site visits, insisting that aspects need to be changed, re-engineered, sampling , assays, etc for verification….

Re GND of Ocasio, WWII could take place quicker because all military are practicing continuously, having war games, upgrading equipment, ships, planes and continuous training. We can start a war in days! We are always preparing for one. Sorry, starting WWIII is even more infinitessimal a project than starting up a mine.

Doing a complete scrap of our major tranportation technology, energy generation, industries, manufacturing… The installations themselves would take at least half a century After we have fully developed the replacement. We can’t just learn by doing. We would have to have robust tech that works. We’ve taken a third of a century and multitrillions to demonstrate that windmills and solar dont stand up. If anything, they themselves are our best effort to create a mass extinction.

This is why there is going to be a lot of very clinically sick people – Nothing Will Be Done! Things will unfold the old fashion way with technical, economic progress making our choices. Any like to bet? I think we should set up a betting pool. I would definitely buy shares in one betting that this silliness is going nowhere.. Betting real cash would cut back on on the zeal and hyperbole of crazed activist alternate realities..

Ivor Ward
May 7, 2019 1:58 am

That is a very funny website.

ozspeaksup
May 7, 2019 2:22 am

someone send this to Ex reb and greta….they can have a total meltdown and save us the time waiting for them to turn turtle;-)

Patrick MJD
May 7, 2019 2:28 am

Can’t they make it a round 30 minutes? At least I could make a cuppa tea, sit down, have a biscuit (Cookie) and contemplate my navel! My wife will be trying to decide what pair of shoes to wear to go shopping for more shoes and the kids won’t even know as they will be surfing the web oblivious to the real world outside.

leitmotif
May 7, 2019 2:53 am

First past the line?

Climate Armageddon or Brexit?

May 7, 2019 2:58 am

The biggest effect of climate change is to make time stand still……..; at least that means that all the predictions will be correct! /sarc

Michael S. Kelly LS, BSA Ret.
May 7, 2019 3:31 am

It’s two days before the day after tomorrow…

Peta of Newark
May 7, 2019 3:37 am

Nah – they’re 10,000 years and 12 seconds too late 🙁

The actual Train Wreck occurred when we started ‘settled farming’ – we’ve just been scavenging off and picking bits out of the wreckage ever since.

Today’s random thought/quiz
Find out what ‘Grass Staggers’ is.
(UK term describing something awful that happens to livestock. Cows & sheep esp)

Strangely a lot of it happened in France at the same time as the UK was having its outbreak of Mad Cow Disease – the symptoms being identical. Vive la Differance eh not bonjour oui oui Monsieur. Ho ho trez bien.

Then we hear around here how: “The Stupid Burns Like a Magnesium Flare”

Now contemplate that 58% of the US population are currently deemed to be deficient in – Magnesium
I’d assert it to be just one of the hazards of Settled Agriculture.

Small World innit

Jones
May 7, 2019 3:39 am

12 seconds eh?

Almost the quarter mile time in my blown V8.

Hocus Locus
May 7, 2019 5:14 am

As a public service to provide some relief to everyone here, I present an unresolved issue that might be considered and decided within a 12 second window,

“Will Meghan Markle and Prince Harry’s Baby Have an Accent?”

Javert Chip
Reply to  Hocus Locus
May 7, 2019 6:42 pm

Not right away (just a guess).

Joel Snider
May 7, 2019 7:42 am

And here I thought we were all already dead ten years ago.

Dan
May 7, 2019 8:30 am

I guess Beto won’t have a chance to implement his plan to replace all cars with skateboards:
https://babylonbee.com/news/beto-unveils-plan-to-replace-all-cars-with-skateboards-by-2030

Tombstone Gabby
Reply to  Dan
May 7, 2019 9:47 pm

What’s the towing capacity of a skateboard? I’m retired, and my wife and I like to travel in a 27 foot trailer (caravan).

Robert of Texas
May 7, 2019 8:32 am

Crud…No time left to buy that Harley motorcycle I always wanted.

MarkW
Reply to  Robert of Texas
May 7, 2019 9:24 am

Just take it. The world will end before the cops can catch you.

Patrick MJD
Reply to  Robert of Texas
May 7, 2019 11:28 am

A water pump engine on wheels. There are better bikes to die riding on.

Clay Sanborn
May 7, 2019 9:26 am

If it wasn’t for Global Warming/Climate Change, pretty much all of Canada and about 1/5 of northern USA would still be under as much as a mile of ice (Laurentide Ice Sheet – https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Laurentide_Ice_Sheet). It’s pretty hard to BBQ in your backyard in Chicago being under a mile of ice. Questions: 1) was it a bad thing that all that ice (glaciers) melted? 2) did mankind have anything to do the ice melt?
Go Climate Change! Go Global Warming! Go Mother Nature! Yeah BABY, God is good.

May 7, 2019 9:29 am

UPDATE: The world has ended. No more donations are required. Everybody relax, ’cause you’re dead.

ResourceGuy
May 7, 2019 9:33 am

Sorry but Climate Emergency Week is over. Save it for next year.

Mike Haseler (Scottish Sceptic)
Reply to  ResourceGuy
May 7, 2019 11:39 am

Climate emergency week will be followed by climate crisis week, followed by climate emergency crisis week followed by crisis month, etc.

Then they will grow up, have kids and in 30 years they’ll be telling their kids: “when we were young we used to march to save the climate … not these daft campaigns you kids do now”.

GoatGuy
May 7, 2019 9:41 am

“Like, I’m serious…”

OK, I guess the best response/question would be, “And how many billions in cash did the adoring audience cough forth, after that rally?” OK, divide by 1,000 and call it millions. Lots, right? No? No? Divide by 1,000 and call it thousands (i.e. meaningless). Were there fishes-and-loaves baskets full of thousand-dollar bills, Beto? No? … why not?

This is the point, at the end: pölïtical call-to-extraordinary-immediate-action is entirely an empty rhetorical device, destined to vapidity, banality and forgetableness.

Thus it goes.
Give! Give! Give! Save the World! Give! Give! Give!

Sheesh.
Just saying,
GoatGuy ✓

Bruce Cobb
May 7, 2019 9:44 am

Blink, and you’ll miss it. Oops.

Michael Jankowski
May 7, 2019 10:12 am

“Like, now. I’m super serious.”

South Park repeatedly has had Al Gore say “super cereal”…

May 7, 2019 11:19 am

The implication is clear: Stop the emissions reduction program (mitigation), all we can do is adapt, baby, adapt.

comment image

There you have it from the atomic scientists, no less.

Nylo
May 7, 2019 1:25 pm

12 seconds passed and, although you didn’t notice anything, the world got destroyed, I tell you. Destroyed now meaning that there’s nothing you can do to avoid destruction even if it looks perfectly fine at this moment. Erm… Nothing? Hey, wait a minute. Of course there are things you can do, I didn’t really mean nothing. You can still give me huge amounts of power and money, of course. The world will be destroyed anyway, but we can still maybe skip the worst, and live in a destroyed world with less inconveniences than in a, say, super destroyed world, right? So give all of that to me, before the next 12 seconds pass, so that we can avoid a super destruction.

12 more seconds have passed and, although you again didn’t notice anything, the world is now guaranteed to get SUPER destroyed. But, you know what? There are still a few things that you can do. Give me all the power and money and we may still be able to avoid a super mega hiper total destruction. I tell you, there is still some hope in the middle of the promised hopelessness. You just need to give me the money. And you have 12 seconds.

12 more seconds, super mega hiper total destruction guaranteed to happen, and you still are not giving me the money? F*ck, this is not working… I need to find an asperger teenager…

ResourceGuy
May 7, 2019 1:38 pm

We’re still here!!!

But Greta says not—so now I’m confused…..but still here nonetheless.

May 7, 2019 2:55 pm

LOL
*******************
This tragic development means that humanity won’t have time to correct climate change, and our writers probably won’t even have time to finish thi
************************

well done 🙂

High Treason
May 7, 2019 4:02 pm

As a kid I clearly remember thinking-how good it is that we have outgrown the old days with mass scare campaigns,propaganda, witch hunts, persecuting people for telling the inconvenient truth, pagan virgin sacrifices and superstition. Then I realize that humanity has not woken up – we are rapidly heading to a return to the old days under the guise of “progress.”The only box that has not been ticked yet is the sacrifices. Here in Australia, we are poised to elect a government that will destroy the economy completely with its pagan fanaticism on climate change. How convenient that pre-polling has begun, bit the cost of all the green lunacy has not been revealed. It is likely to be in the trillions -remember, our population is only 25 million and swelling daily with groups that often refuse to contribute to society. It will only be a matter of time before they start reducing the carbon footprint by reducing populations.

richard
May 8, 2019 5:47 am

Flora and fauna is doing well for the wrong reasons. Non- native species are crowding out native species. The fact it costs billions to control illustrates the success across the planet.

May 8, 2019 9:54 am

OK! Hand over the money now or the Baby gets it!

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