Friday Funny: UN environment chief gets flagged for over-the-top air travel

Apparently Erik Solheim did attend the summit:

“A hopeful United Nations Environment Executive Director Erik Solheim, who is attending the Global Climate Action Summit, said: “The bottom line is that we need to step up the ambition and create a momentum.””

https://southasiamonitor.org/news/san-francisco-summit-to-catalyse-climate-commitments/climate-change-development/27995

It’s so fun to have fun by spending other people’s money.

Chalk another up to Trump. He chopped US contributions and criticized them for being out of date, and inefficient. I think the auditor got the nod to rein this rogue headl3ss disorg in.

Keeping this as a classic , audited example of the snout in the trough syndrome that is so common amongst those who want to lecture us on how to live our lives.

“He thinks he is a CEO when he is actually an international civil servant,”

But that is how high-ranking civil servants behave – they are entitled.

On the 10th of September, the secretary general of the United Nations addressed a cocktail party at UN head-quarters on the looming peril of world ‘leaders’ failure to voluntarily hoist their domestic economies on their own virtue signalling petards.
https://www.un.org/sg/en/content/sg/statement/2018-09-10/secretary-generals-remarks-climate-change-delivered
The speech is full of the usual double speak, disinformation, and misdirection we’re used to from ‘the big club’, so as a public service, here is a translation from bovine faeces into English and/or some elaborations.
…and I wonder how steep the collective travel expenses were for this shin-dig?

Secretary-General’s remarks on Climate Change
– Interpretation and elaboratation

“Dear friends of planet Earth,
– Dear deplorables

Thank you for coming to the UN Headquarters today.
– Thank you for coming to our ivory towers as summonsed. Just don’t think that because your taxes paid for it, that you’re welcome here a moment longer than is absolutely necessary.

I have asked you here to sound the alarm.
…because 30 years of false alarm hasn’t convinced enough people to pay us enough other people’s money (OPM)

Climate change is the defining issue of our time – and we are at a defining moment.
– Gullible warming is still the ‘go-to’ defining political misdirection, obviously we have no real issues to worry about so we need a fake one to define ourselves – and once again, we’re at one of those ‘no more time to lose’ moments we keep throwing at you to pressure you into complete subservience without thinking too hard about it.

We face a direct existential threat.
– There’s a boogie man hiding under the bed. Really!

Climate change is moving faster than we are – and its speed has provoked a sonic boom SOS across our world.
– Gullible warming is moving out of people’s minds faster than our junk science and political propaganda can refill them. The speed the gravy train is leaving the building is creating a ‘sonic boom’ and parasites are calling ‘SOS’.

If we do not change course by 2020, we risk missing the point where we can avoid runaway climate change, with disastrous consequences for people and all the natural systems that sustain us.
– It’s worse than we thought – as we’ve been wailing for 40 years. So this time we’ve moved the goal posts out to 2020 and we’re dusting off that nonsense about ‘runaway gullible warming’ that’s going to turn Earth into Venus, in our imagination and your kid’s school brainwashing curriculum.

That is why, today, I am appealing for leadership – from politicians, from business and scientists, and from the public everywhere.
– That’s the excuse I’m using today to demand subservience – from politicians, businesses and climastrologists, and from all the useful idiots out there. Our raison d’etra evaporates if your deplorables don’t pay for our indecisive ‘leadership’ on non-issues and I’d have to get a real job. Oh the indignity!

We have the tools to make our actions effective.
– We have some real ‘tools’ in the UN which is why every UN action since its inception in 1946 has been an impotent, wasteful, ineffective failure.

What we still lack – even after the Paris Agreement – is the leadership and the ambition to do what is needed.
– what we lack – even after the tepid Paris pinkie-promise – is enough political meddling, because the free market isn’t voluntarily going to waste money chasing boogie men.

Dear friends,
– Dear believers (deplorables)

Let there be no doubt about the urgency of the crisis.
– Let there be no doubt, we’ve been saying it’s urgent for 40 years and you still aren’t handing over enough of your hard-earned. These truffles and champagne won’t pay for themselves!

We are experiencing record-breaking temperatures around the world.
…but only after adjustments or parking ice cream trucks in front of thermometers.

According to the World Meteorological Organization, the past two decades included 18 of the warmest years since 1850, when records began.
…but only after adjustments.

This year is shaping up to be the fourth hottest.
– With luck and a little bit of ’adjustment’, this summer could make this year the forth hottest evah! …Just as long as the early snow in Europe isn’t a portent of another one of those freezing northern winters we’ve been having lately (Someone PLEASE make sure Al Gore stays at home!).

Extreme heat waves, wildfires, storms and floods are leaving a trail of death and devastation.
…just as they always have; but believe us it’s nothing to do with negligent forest management or negligent property development in high risk regions making the insurance bill higher.

Last month the state of Kerala in India suffered its worst monsoon flooding in recent history, killing 400 people and driving 1 million more from their homes.
…And don’t remind us how we say ‘weather isn’t climate’ whenever it gets unusually cold, and also, don’t think too hard about how the population is higher now than in ‘recent history’ thus putting more people in harm’s way

We know that Hurricane Maria killed almost 3,000 people in Puerto Rico last year, making it one of the deadliest extreme weather disasters in U.S. history.
…And just don’t go being smart and think about how many people live in Puerto Rico now compared to any storm they had ‘in US history’!

Many of those people died in the months after the storm because they lacked access to electricity, clean water and proper healthcare due to the hurricane.
…because the fragile, unreliable energy infrastructure foisted on the island was wiped out, and the money wasted on virtue signalling wasn’t better spent on water or healthcare infrastructure. But that’s not important now.

What makes all of this even more disturbing is that we were warned.
…two tranches of climategate e-mails should have told you all you needed to know about the bogus, corrupt state of climastrology; but here you still are. Suckers!

Scientists have been telling us for decades. Over and over again.
– Climastrologists having been talking garbage for decades and their claims fail to materialise. Over and over again.

Far too many leaders have refused to listen.
– Far too many leaders have more important things to do than listen to gullible warming ghost stories.

Far too few have acted with the vision the science demands.
…because unfortunately for us, far too many know the difference between sh!t and Shinola.

We see the results.
…even with so little action, your electricity prices have tripled and your fuel taxes doubled; ree-sult!

In some situations, they are approaching scientists’ worst-case scenarios.
– in some situations the results of the loss of interest are approaching climastrologist’s worst case scenarios, because now they’re finding it harder to win grant money to churn out junk science than ever before.

Arctic sea ice is disappearing faster than we imagined possible.
– We claimed the arctic would be ice free by no later than 2016 and now the credibility of the ‘disappearing Arctic sea ice’ meme is disappearing faster than we imagined possible.

This year, for the first time, thick permanent sea ice north of Greenland began to break up.
– This year, for the first time anyone was there to take pictures of it, some permanent sea ice north of Greenland got some cracks in it.

This dramatic warming in the Arctic is affecting weather patterns across the northern hemisphere.
…so those record cold winters and snow dumps of late are because warming in the arctic is pushing the cold weather south. And while ‘Global warming’ is supposed to be global (the hint’s in the name) it only affects the Arctic, so don’t ask about the cooling in Antarctica; we’ll put that down to ‘natural variation’ until we can cook up a convoluted enough ‘warming causes cooling’ bullspit story for the Guardian to print.

Wildfires are lasting longer and spreading further.
– More cameras are present so wildfire coverage lasts longer in the news and spreads further to more networks. Negligent ‘green’ forest management means more fuel for the fires to spread further and last longer, but that isn’t important now.

Some of these blazes are so big that they send soot and ash around the world, blackening glaciers and ice caps and making them melt even faster.
…because you can really see all these black glaciers eh? Volcanic ash has been dusting glaciers for aeons, but that isn’t important right now.

Oceans are becoming more acidic, threatening the foundation of the food chains that sustain life.
– Some studies find ocean water to be slightly less alkaline in some locations for various reasons but imagine if the ocean actually became acidic! it would threaten the foundation of food chains that sustain life! Don’t ponder too long on how ocean pH is actually making bugger-all difference to anything today. We don’t let the facts get in the way of a lucrative meme at the UN!

Corals are dying in vast amounts, further depleting vital fisheries.
…except when actual scientists go to study the coral ‘dying in vast amounts’ and find that actually the coral is doing just fine. But that isn’t important right now; the culprits will be fired and science ‘integrity’ and compliance WILL be restored.

And, on land, the high level of carbon dioxide in the atmosphere is making rice crops less nutritious, threatening well-being and food security for billions of people.
…let’s not dwell on the record crop yields of wheat, soy, corn etc. which are partly attributed to the trivial increase in atmospheric CO2, which has greatly improved food security for billions of people. That isn’t important right now.

As climate change intensifies, we will find it harder to feed ourselves.
…because when natural climate change delivers the next mini ice-age it will be very problematic, especially as we’re so dependent upon food that’s transported so far these days. Not to worry.

Extinction rates will spike as vital habitats decline.
– …because there’s a limited diversity of life that prefers the arctic habitat which will grow during the next mini ice-age.

More and more people will be forced to migrate from their homes as the land they depend on becomes less able to support them.
…because aside from high latitude farmlands being buried by ice in the next ice age, population explosions in spit-hole marginal, drought prone areas have been enabled by foreign aid intervention. And they’re spit-hole places to live anyway, so of course people want to get the hell out of their ‘homes’ and jump immigration queues to welfare oases. But that’s not important right now.

This is already leading to many local conflicts over dwindling resources.
…like oil and diamonds that aren’t climate dependent.

This past May, the World Meteorological Organization reported that the planet marked another grim milestone: the highest monthly average for carbon dioxide levels ever recorded.
…since records and adjustments began a few decades ago. And measured on the flank of an active volcano. And the milestone was so grim you noticed it right? Let’s not worry that [CO2] rose despite three decades of self-harm ‘action on gullible warming’; trust me, virtue signalling will magically work better if you all just double down on stupid.

Four hundred parts per million has long been seen as a critical threshold.
…according to our ‘climate communication’ strategy. Of course 150ppm is the critical threshold, below which plant life becomes untenable, but that’s not important right now.

But we have now surpassed 411 parts per millions and the concentrations continue to rise.
…Thank goodness the plants are getting more food then!

This is the highest concentration in 3 million years.
…according to the sort of snake oil salesmen who sell Hockey Sticks. Actually while we’re talking about snake oil salesmen, you only have to look back a third of a million years to find out that I’m lying, so please don’t fact check this. Or anything else I say. Pesky details aren’t important right now.

Dear friends,
– Dear dedicated non-thinkers (deplorables)

We know what is happening to our planet.
– We know that a trivial, barely measureable, definitely imperceptible amount of natural warming has probably occurred on our planet. Otherwise, sweet feck-all has happened.

We know what we need to do.
– So we know we NEED to do precisely nothing at all. But then we don’t have an excuse to ride the gravy train, so we need to make this stuff up.

And we even know how to do it.
…despite all the evidence to the contrary, we will keep claiming that unreliable energy and even more taxes are going to solve the problem that’s not happening. As long as we can skim something off all that extra tax revenue.

But sadly, the ambition of our action is nowhere near where it needs to be.
– Sadly, the ambition everyone has for urinating their hard-earned up a UN wall is nowhere near as ruinous as we want it to be.

When world leaders signed the Paris Agreement on climate change three years ago, they pledged to stop temperatures rising by less than 2 degrees Celsius above pre-industrial levels and to work to keep the increase as close as possible to 1.5 degrees.
…but we didn’t manage to get them to foolishly agree to make it binding unfortunately.

These targets were really the bare minimum to avoid the worst impacts of climate change.
– These targets are randomly chosen figures that gave creative accountants an input figure to work with when making up imaginary costs of ‘climate adaption’ and have no other relevance to our hot air.

But scientists tell us that we are far off track.
– But climastrologists and their models claim that we are off track. Even though their models and predictions are demonstrably far off track.

According to a UN study, the commitments made so far by Parties to the Paris Agreement represent just one-third of what is needed.
– according to our own spin doctors, the hot air promises made to the Paris gentleman’s agreement are a third of what we need to stop the boogie man; so send more money!

The mountain in front of us is very high.
– The mirage in front of us is very high

But it is not insurmountable.
…especially when you know that it is an illusion.

We know how to scale it.
…just stop pretending it’s there, but then there’s that business about having to get a real job if we let you stop pretending.

Put simply, we need to put the brake on deadly greenhouse gas emissions and drive climate action.
– Put simply this line is just such unbelievable melodramatic bovine faeces that it’s untranslatable without inducing life-threatening nausea.

We need to rapidly shift away from our dependence on fossil fuels.
– we decided you need to move away from reliable, affordable energy.

We need to replace them with clean energy from water, wind and sun.
– we decided you need to suffer expensive, unreliable, intermittent energy from wind, waves, sun and unicorn farts.

We must halt deforestation, restore degraded forests and change the way we farm.
– we decided to dig up that old deforestation meme because it sells and we reckon you should farm differently because farming today is too efficient and there are not enough regulations for us to enforce and tax you with.

We need to embrace the circular economy and resource efficiency.
– We need to ignore logic and embrace the illusion of the ‘circular economy’ which we’re sure will work one day if we just pile enough of your money into it, even if by ‘working’ we accept that it will be very resource inefficient and polluting.

Our cities and transport sectors will need to be overhauled.
…if only because bureaucrats like those in the UN refuse to accept the old fashioned ‘if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it’ mantra.

How we heat, cool and light our buildings will need to be rethought so we waste less energy.
…because just politely suggesting that closing the door when the air-conditioner is on, or turning off the lights when you don’t need them doesn’t give us enough reason to interfere with you.

And this is exactly where this conversation can become exciting.
– And this is where the conversation becomes so eccentric as to be really divorced from reality.

Because, so much of the conversation on climate change focuses on the doom and gloom.
– Because all of the conversation on gullible warming focuses on ‘the sky is falling’ doom and gloom, or else you’d all ignore us for being the deluded crooks we are.

Of course, warnings are necessary. But fear will not get the job done.
– Of course since we’re talking about imaginary boogie men and imaginary risks, we need to instil the fear of Christ into you to get our job done.

No, what captures my imagination is the vast opportunity afforded by climate action.
– But what captures my imagination is the vast opportunity to fleece you deplorables of so much more of your hard earned by forcing you to take gullible warming action.

Dear friends,
– Dear cash cows (deplorables)

Enormous benefits await humankind if we can rise to the climate challenge.
– Enormous benefits await the bludgers and parasites of humanity (like the UN) if we can convince you to sell your souls to the gullible warming challenge.

A great many of these benefits are economic.
…and many of them are about controlling you and every aspect of your life.

I have heard the argument – usually from vested interests — that tackling climate change is expensive and could harm economic growth.
– I have heard the argument – usually from critical thinkers rooted in the dreary world of reality – that tackling gullible warming is expensive and will destroy economic growth.

This is hogwash.
– This is absolutely true.

In fact, the opposite is true.
– In fact everything I am about to say is hogwash.

We are experiencing huge economic losses due to climate change.
– We can cook the books to show imagined economic losses and blame it on gullible warming. Just trust me.

Over the past decade, extreme weather and the health impact of burning fossil fuels have cost the American economy at least 240 billion dollars a year.
– Over the lastdecade, our imaginary numbers, based on bogus assumptions, say that less-than-normal extreme weather and the imagined health impact of burning reliable fuels have cost the American economy up to 240 billion dollars a year.

This cost will explode by 50 per cent in the coming decade alone.
– And, if we use the steepest possible linear trend through our imaginary data, we could imagine this cost ‘exploding’ by 50% in the next decade.

By 2030, the loss of productivity caused by a hotter world could cost the global economy 2 trillion dollars.
– By 2030, the lost of tax revenue caused by doing nothing punative or regressive to prevent an impossibly hotter world could cost the global parasite economy 2 trillion dollars.

More and more studies also show the enormous benefits of climate action.
– More and more vested interests cook up studies that imagine enormous benefits of gullible warming action, like unreliable energy and Muskmobiles; because they are insulated from reality.

Last week I was at the launch of the New [Climate] Economy report from the Global Commission on the Economy and Climate Change.
– Last week I got a free lunch from a new group of parasitic lobbyists looking to cash in on the scam.

It shows that that climate action and socio-economic progress are mutually supportive, with gains of 26 trillion dollars predicted by 2030 compared with business as usual. If we pursue the right path.
– Their story book dreams that regressive energy policy, punitive taxes and more divisive victim class stereotyping are bloatocracy supportive, with an extra tax take of 26 trillion by 2030 compared to free market business. If you pursue the left path we say is right for you.

For example, for every dollar spent restoring degraded forests, as much as $30 dollars can be recouped in economic benefits and poverty reduction.
– For example, for every dollar spent writing reports on how to restore degraded forests, as much as $30 dollars could be raked in by additional ‘save the forest’ levies without the sheeple getting too agitated.

Restoring degraded lands means better lives and income for farmers and pastoralists and less pressure to migrate to cities.
…as long as they’re comfortable with the idea of being unproductive and welfare dependant.

Climate-resilient water supply and sanitation could save the lives of more than 360,000 infants every year.
– Reliable water supply and sanitation could save the lives of more than 360,000 infants every year. Which has nothing to do with gullible warming, other than having to compete for funding against follies like wind farms, but we had to pad the ‘benefit’ numbers somehow.

And clean air has vast benefits for public health.
…which are outweighed by the benefits that could be obtained by, say, spending the enormous squander on climastrology studies and unreliable energy virtue signalling on cancer research, but we’re not here to talk about details like that!

The International Labour Organization reports that common sense green economy policies could create 24 million new jobs globally by 2030.
…without referring to the inconvenient observation that for every one of those ‘green jobs’, most of them parasitic regulatory jobs, approximately four productive jobs are lost from the real economy, but let’s not get side-tracked with minor details!

In China and the United States, new renewable energy jobs now outstrip those created in the oil and gas industries.
…because a politically manipulated energy market means today’s subsidy mining opportunities are more lucrative than producing useful energy. But that’s not important now.

And, in Bangladesh the installation of more than four million solar home systems has created more than 115,000 jobs and saved rural households over 400 million dollars in polluting fuels.
…unfortunately those four million homes have no electricity after sunset, those 115000 jobs have to be paid for by taxes on everyone else and the 400 million dollars the rural households aren’t spending on fuel is swallowed in inflated electricity bills when they have to resort to the grid if they do want to do anything after dark.

So, not only would a shift to renewable energy save money, it would also create new jobs, waste less water, boost food production and clean the polluted air that is killing us.
– So, not only would a shift to unreliable energy save money in ‘opposite world’, it would also create new parasite jobs to employ a quarter of the people whose jobs are lost from the real economy, waste less water (if you’ll allow me the indulgence of plucking some throw away fictions out of thin air), boost food production (because honestly, crops grow better under the shade of solar cells) and clean the polluted air that is killing us (because wind turbines blow pollution toward solar cells which magically burn the pollution into carbon credits).

There is nothing to lose from acting; there is everything to gain.
– There is nothing to lose from ‘acting’ (just ask Leonardo diCaprio!) and everything for us in ‘the big club’ to gain (as long as you useful idiots don’t misbehave and think for themselves for a change).

Now, there are still many who think that the challenge is too great.
– Now there are still many who know the challenge is too great and the necessity non-existent.

But I deeply disagree.
…because I can’t shake that fear of having to get a real job!

Humankind has confronted and overcome immense challenges before; challenges that have required us to work together and to put aside division and difference to fight a common threat.
…which before bloatocracies like the UN interfered, used to be resolved successfully.

That is how the United Nations came into action.
– After the free-world overcame an immense challenge, fought a common threat, and triumphed, the United Nations came into existence. And its actions have been ineffective ever since.

It is how we have to helped to end wars, to stop diseases, to reduce global poverty and to heal the ozone hole.
– We were supposed to help to end wars, but failed. Then we reinvented ourselves to stop diseases, but failed. Then we reinvented ourselves to reduce global poverty, but failed. Then we banned the best refrigerant to heal the ozone hole and keep DuPont’s shareholders happy, but despite the CFC ban, the ‘hole’ is there just as it always has been. But we discussed it all. At length.

Now we stand at an existential crossroad.
– Now we stand at an imaginary cross road

If we are to take the right path – the only sensible path — we will have to muster the full force of human ingenuity.
– If we are to take the right path – the only sensible path – you need to muster the full force of human critical thinking and reject the green blob. But then I’ll be down at the dole queue the next day, so please instead turn to the ‘left’.

But that ingenuity exists and is already providing solutions.
– That critical thinking exists, despite our best efforts to stamp it out and it’s constantly proving inconvenient.

And so dear friends,
– And so dear sheeple (deplorables)

Another central message – technology is on our side in the battle to address climate change.
…but ‘yesterday’s technology tomorrow’ I speak of is so woeful that it needs subsidies and market manipulation just to survive. So please give generously.

The rise of renewable energy has been tremendous.
– The rise of unreliable energy has been like a noxious weed on your lawn, fertilised to this day with copious subsidies.

Today, it is competitive [with] – or even cheaper – than coal and oil, especially if one factors in the cost of pollution.
– Today, with a manipulated market mandating first access to supply the grid and regressive anti-competition taxes on reliable energy, unreliable energy is theoretically competitive with coal and oil, at least if the tendered prices for future wind parks are to be believed. If one factors in the ‘carbon price’ of our wet dreams, unreliables would be cheaper than coal and oil. Yay! Of course you have to factor out the cost of the standby coal and oil that’s needed to make unreliables appear to work from the creative accounting. But that’s not important right now.

Last year, China invested 126 billion dollars in renewable energy, an increase of 30 per cent on the previous year.
…bringing renewables share of actual generation to almost three quarters of one per cent!

Sweden is set to hit its 2030 target for renewable energy this year – 12 years early.
…while its economic growth has slowed under the incumbent green-democrat government.

By 2030, wind and solar energy could power more than a third of Europe.
– By 2030, if energy self-flagellation continues, wind and solar energy could account for more than a third of the installed capacity Europe, maybe generating about 1/15th of the continent’s expensive power. Assuming exorbitant energy cost hasn’t caused continental industries to collapse completely.

Morocco is building a solar farm the size of Paris that will power more than one million homes by 2020 with clean, affordable energy.
…when they could have powered one million homes with a thermal power station the size of a large factory.

Scotland has opened the world’s first floating wind farm.
…and is paying for the dubious honour with its high electricity prices.

There are many other signs of hope.
– There are still hopeful signs of naivety.

Countries rich in fossil fuels, like the Gulf States and Norway, are exploring ways to diversify their economies.
…because their welfare bills are so high that their oil dependent economies can’t balance budgets when oil prices are low.

Saudi Arabia is investing heavily in renewables to move from an oil economy to an energy economy.
…even though the world is not interested in buying anything other than oil from Saudi Arabia.

Norway’s 1 trillion-dollar sovereign wealth fund – the largest in the world – has moved away from investments in coal and has dropped a number of palm and pulp-paper companies because of the forests they destroy.
– Norway’s 1 trillion-dollar sovereign wealth fund – 100% paid for by oil revenue – has moved away from investments in coal. But after the virtue signalling, we won’t mention that the oil stocks in the SWF performed the best of the portfolio this year.

There are also promising signs that businesses are waking up to the benefits of climate action.
– There are also promising signs that businesses are waking up to the benefits of separating inner city slacktivists from their money by gullible warming virtue signalling in their marketing.

More than 130 of the world’s largest and most influential businesses plan to power their operations with 100 per cent renewable energy.
– More than 130 of the world’s largest and most conceited businesses plan to power their operations with electricity charged 100 per cent at the renewable energy premium in aid of green washing their marketing.

Eighteen multinationals will shift to electric vehicle fleets.
…because you can’t beat letting tax payers subsidise your vehicle fleet.

And more than 400 firms will develop targets based on the latest science in order to manage their emissions.
– And more than 400 firms will develop targets based on the latest climastrology in order to manage how their emissions can be made to look on paper.

One of the world’s biggest insurers – Allianz – will stop insuring coal-fired power plants.
…just in case you were wondering about your next insurer.

Investments are shifting too.
…as long as there’s subsidy money to be mined and mandates to obey.

More than 250 investors representing 28 trillion dollars in assets have signed on to the Climate Action 100+ initiative.
…because virtue signalling still sells if slacktivist politically correct yuppies are your customer base.

They have committed to engage with the world’s largest corporate greenhouse [gas] emitters to improve their climate performance and ensure transparent disclosure of emissions.
– They have committed to dictate to the world’s largest productive corporations to improve their apparent gullible warming performance and ensure ‘correct’ reporting of emissions. Except for the growing number of businesses who are losing interest in playing these silly games.

Many such examples are going to be showcased this week at the important Global Climate Action Summit being convened by Governor Brown in California.
– Many such examples are going to be showcased this week at the pretentious Gullible Warming Action Summit being convened by Governor Moonbeam in California (in receivership).

All the pioneers I mentioned have seen the future.
– All the parasites I mentioned have seen the present opportunity to separate fools and taxpayers from their money.

They are betting on green because they understand this is the path to prosperity and peace on a healthy planet.
– They are betting green because they understand this is a one-time opportunity to make a quick buck while claiming they’re saving the planet. I’ll mention world ‘peace’ for good measure, even though it’s got nothing to do with gullible warming.

The alternative is a dark and dangerous future.
– If you don’t do as we say, the alternative is dangerous to our privileged future.

But they are not enough.
– and, aside from the cost to you deplorables, these ‘examples’ are an irrelevance. And we need more of your money.

The transition to a cleaner, greener future needs to speed up.
– The transition to a welfare dependant future, with us holding the purse strings, needs to speed up.

We stand at a truly “use it or lose it” moment.
– We future overlords truly stand at an “abuse it or lose it” moment because if our own ‘MyWorld survey is true, you’re truly losing interest in the gullible warming cause du-jour.

Over the next decade or so, the world will invest some 90 trillion dollars in infrastructure.
– Over the next decade or so, the world will invest some 90 trillion dollars in infrastructure if it hasn’t bankrupted itself on virtue signalling.

And so we must ensure that that infrastructure is sustainable or we will lock in a high-polluting dangerous future.
– And so we must ensure that that infrastructure is unreliable or you will lock into a sovereign, non-dependant future and we will be locked out; which is dangerous to our de-facto one-world government ambition.

And for that to happen, the leaders of the world need to step up.
– And for that to happen, the leaders of the world need to pull their pants down and butter up.

The private sector, of course, is poised to move, and many are doing so.
– The private sector, of course, has smelled blood and is poised to separate fools from their money, and many are doing so.

But a lack of decisive government action is causing uncertainty in the markets and concern about the future of the Paris Agreement.
– But a lack of decisive government capitulation is causing uncertainty for the vultures in the markets and allowing hope that everyone will continue to ignore the Paris pinkie-promise in the future.

We can’t let this happen.
– We, aboard the gravy train, can’t afford to let this happen.

Existing technologies are waiting to come online – cleaner fuels, alternative building materials, better batteries and advances in farming and land use.
– Existing technologies are waiting for more subsidies to come online – cleaner but less potent fuels, alternative but weaker building materials, better burning batteries and advances in farming and land use. All of it breath-takingly more expensive and higher risk than what already works properly today.

These and other innovations can have a major role in reducing greenhouse gas emissions, so we can hit the Paris targets and inject the great ambition that is so urgently needed.
– These and other retrograde technologies can have a major role in reducing energy availability and prosperity, so we can hit the Paris targets and shackle the sheeple to our great ambition; and that is so urgently needed if we’re to continue our privileged existence.

Governments must also end harmful subsidies for fossil fuels; institute carbon pricing that reflects the true cost of polluting greenhouse [gas] emissions and incentivizes the clean energy transition.
– Governments must also stop fair tax deductions for fossil fuels; institute carbon taxing that reflects the true cost of manipulating energy markets and annual jetset hot-air fests and enforces the dumb energy transition.

Dear friends,
– Dear automatons (deplorables)

I have spoken of the emergency we face, the benefits of action and the feasibility of a climate-friendly transformation.
– I have spoken of the emergency the gravy train faces and waxed lyrically about the mythical benefits of action and pretended a gullible warming friendly transformation is feasible.

There is another reason to act — moral duty.
– Since there is no logical reason to act, I’ll desperately pull the bogus ‘moral duty’ card.

The world’s richest nations are the most responsible for the climate crisis, yet the effects are being felt first and worst by the poorest nations and the most vulnerable peoples and communities.
– The guilt complex clearly implies that the world’s civilised nations are responsible for every problem, but the mythical climate crisis is no simple weather phenomena, oh no; it is selectively malevolent, so the effects of ‘global’ warming are somehow going to be felt first and worst by the most corrupt nations and their poor people and communities.

We already see this injustice in the incessant and increasing cycle of extreme droughts and ever more powerful storms.
– We already see this injustice in the regular and normal cycle of extreme droughts and ever more powerful storms which you only seem to hear about in fake-news coverage of North America or Europe but never in the third-world.

Women and girls, in particular, will pay the price – not only because their lives will become harder but because, in times of disaster, women and girls always suffer disproportionally.
– Just in case the bogus ‘Moral duty’ card isn’t enough of a dissent stifling taboo, I’ll also dust off the ‘Gender Injustice card’. Women and girls, in particular, will somehow be selectively victimised by warmer global weather; not only because their lives will somehow become harder than men’s but because at all times women and girls are given a free pass to moan about things disproportionally.

Richer nations must therefore not only cut their emissions but do more to ensure that the most vulnerable can develop the necessary resilience to survive the damage these emissions are causing.
– Less corrupt nations must therefore not only ruin their domestic economies but do more to ensure that the special interest victim class can be bribed into supporting our call to action.

It is important to note that, because carbon dioxide is long-lasting in the atmosphere, the climate changes we are already seeing will persist for decades to come.
– It is important to note that carbon dioxide is cycled through the atmosphere every few years, so the climate changes we are aren’t seeing will only persist for as long as the political gravy train rolls on.

It is necessary for all nations to adapt, and for the richest ones to assist the most vulnerable.
– It is necessary for all nations to submit, and for the richest ones to provide the Other People’s Money to us to use in bribing welfare dependants to support our cause. And to cover our ‘administration costs’ of course.

Dear friends,
– Dear useful idiots (deplorables)

This is the message I would like to make clear in addressing the world leaders this month’s in the General Assembly in New York.
– This is the meme I would like to repeat ad-nauseum while brow beating the world’s political class this month over hors d’oeuvres in the General Cocktail Party in New York.

I will tell them that climate change is the great challenge of our time.
– I will insist that climate change remain is the greatest fashionable cause du jour of our time.

That, thanks to science, we know its size and nature.
– That, thanks to climastrology, we invented its size and nature.

That we have the ingenuity, and the resources and tools to face it.
– That we have the imagination, and the retrograde technology to kid ourselves that we control the weather. We just need more OPM resources to keep ourselves in the jetset lifestyle to which we’re now accustomed.

And that leaders must lead.
– And that puppets must submit.

We have the moral and economic incentives to act.
– We have no real reason to act, so we must invent bogus moral incentives for you to maintain our internal economic incentives.

What is still missing – still, even after Paris – is the leadership, and the sense of urgency and true commitment to [a] decisive multilateral response.
– What is still missing – still, even after the Paris piss-up – is the dereliction, and the sense of true recklessness to [a] pointless multilateral suicide pact.

Negotiations towards implementation guidelines for operationalizing the Paris Agreement ended yesterday in Bangkok with some progress — but far from enough.
– Negotiations towards implementationized guidelinization for operationalizing the Paris pinkie-promise endedized yesterday in Bangkok just as aimlessly as they started. Maybe because we spent too long tacking –ize on the end of verbs so we could sound cleverer than we really aren’t; and no one had a clue what we were all talking about.

The next key moment is in Poland in December.
– The next big cocktail party is in Poland just before Christmas. Drinks are on the tax-payer!

I call on leaders to use every opportunity between now and then — the G7, the G20 gatherings as well as meetings of the General Assembly, World Bank and International Monetary Fund — to resolve the sticking points.
– I call on mouth-pieces to use every opportunity between now and then — the G-whiz gatherings as well as meetings of the General Arseholery, World Bunk and International Monumental Fraud – to beat logic, due diligence and responsible leadership into submission.

We cannot allow Katowice to remind us of Copenhagen.
…where the release of Climategate mails publically exposed the depth of the odious scam we’re perpetrating just in time to scuttle our big chance to con you into a global bondage treaty. Damn it.

The time has come for our leaders to show they care about the people whose fate they hold in their hands.
– The time has come for your leaders to show their disregard for the people they represent and sell out to our unelected control.

We need them to show they care about the future – and even the present.
– We need them to show they don’t care about their constituent’s future – or even their present.

That is why I am so pleased to have such a strong representation of youth in the audience today.
– That is why I am so pleased to have such a strong representation of impressionable, naïve, reactionary youth in the audience today.

It is imperative that civil society — youth, women’s groups, the private sector, communities of faith, scientists and grassroots movements around the world — call their leaders to account. As I was told myself by my Youth Envoy.
– It is imperative to us that useful idiots in society – impressionable youth, feminist’s groups, cults, junk scientists and violent yobbo movements around the world – brow-beat their politicians into submission. Even kick-off the odd riot. As I was told myself by my Youth Propaganda Secretary.

I call — in particular — on women’s leadership.
– I call — in particular — on feminist’s trouble-making; they carry a ‘get out of gaol free’ card when it comes to logic or criticism!

When women are empowered to lead, they are the drivers of solutions.
– When feminists are emboldened to wade into an argument about nothing, they make it impossible for sense or reason to prevail.

Nothing less than our future and the fate of humankind depends on how we rise to the climate challenge.
– Nothing less than our future and the fate of ‘the big club’ depends on how we keep the climate challenge gravy train on the rails.

It affects every aspect of the work of the United Nations.
– It probably affects the need for another re-invention of the United Nations.

Keeping our planet’s warming to well below 2 degrees is essential for global prosperity, people’s well-being and the security of nations.
– Choosing our planet’s warming target of 2 degrees was the arbitrary input for creative accounting models to cook up an imaginary cost for maintaining global prosperity, people’s well-being and the security of nations.

That is why, next September, I will convene a Climate Summit to bring climate action to the top of the international agenda.
– That is why, next September, I will convene another Climate Cocktail Party to desperately try to keep gullible warming action on the top of the international agenda.

Today, I am announcing the appointment of Luis Alfonso de Alba, a well-respected leader in the climate community, as my Special Envoy to lead those preparations.
– Today, I am announcing the appointment of some bloke you’ve never heard of from the climastrology community, as my Special gobshite to create the mountain of indecipherable jargon in preparation.

His efforts will complement those of my Special Envoy for Climate Action, Michael Bloomberg, and my Special Advisor Bob Orr, who will help to mobilize private finance and catalyze bottom-up action.
– His efforts will complement those of my sympathetic fake-news mouthpiece, and my dodgey loan shark, who will help to extort private finance and catalyse Antifa style action.

The Summit next year will come exactly one year before countries will have to enhance their national climate pledges under the Paris Agreement.
– The Summit next year will come exactly one year before the next cocktail party where countries will have to tell even bigger porkies about what they say they’re maybe going to do one day under the Paris gentleman’s agreement.

Only a significantly higher level of ambition will do.
– Only a more unrealistic, grandiose level of ambition for self-flagellation will do.

To that end, the Summit will focus on areas that go to the heart of the problem – the sectors that create the most emissions and the areas where building resilience will make the biggest difference.
– To that end, the Summit will beat-up on areas that go to the heart of our problem – free markets, the sectors that generate the most prosperity, and also appeasing those welfare dependants where bribery will make the biggest difference.

The Summit will provide an opportunity for leaders and partners to demonstrate real climate action and showcase their ambition.
– The Summit will provide an opportunity for puppets and collaborators to demonstrate real wasted effort and showcase their ability to keep a straight face while lying.

We will bring together players from the real economy and real politics, including representatives of trillions of dollars of assets, both public and private.
– We will bring together players from the parasite economy and ‘correct’ politics, including representatives of trillions of dollars of debt, both public and private.

I want to hear about how we are going to stop the increase in emissions by 2020, and dramatically reduce emissions to reach net-zero emissions by mid-century.
– I want to hear about how we are going to stop the increase in prosperity by 2020, and dramatically reduce living standards to reach medieval existence by mid-century.

We need cities and states to shift from coal to solar and wind — from brown to green energy.
– We need cities and states to show on paper that their energy supply moves from coal to solar, wind and unicorn farts– from reliable to unreliable energy.

Our great host city, New York, is taking important steps in this direction — and working with other municipalities to spur change.
– Our great host city, New York, is taking pretentious steps in this direction — and sourcing its energy via pipelines and interconnectors to other states to prop up the illusion of ‘progressive’ change.

We need increased investments and innovation in energy efficiency and renewable energy technologies across buildings, transport, and industry.
…and someone else to pay for it all.

And we need the oil and gas industry to make their business plans compatible with the Paris agreement and the Paris targets.
– And we need the oil and gas industry to make their business plans lose money on purpose; compatible with the Paris pinky-promise and the Paris anti-development targets.

I want to see a strong expansion in carbon pricing.
– I want to see an exorbitant expansion in regressive carbon taxing. And we need to skim off the cream; those champagne bottles and canapés aren’t free.

I want us to get the global food system right by ensuring that we grow our food without chopping down large tracts of forest.
– I want us to get the global food system ‘right’ by ensuring that you make tasteless food industrially under our ‘supervision’

We need sustainable food supply chains that reduce loss and waste.
…but not by enabling cheap, reliable transport and refrigeration.

And we must halt deforestation and restore degraded lands.
– And we must halt deforestation (except for biomass energy) and allow farmland to go to seed in exchange for carbon credits.

I want to rapidly speed up the trend towards green financing by banks and insurers, and encourage innovation in financial and debt instruments to strengthen the resilience of vulnerable nations such as small island states and bolster their defences against climate change.
– I want to rapidly speed up the trend towards financing only politically correct loss making projects by banks and insurers, and encourage corruption in financial and debt instruments to strengthen the resilience of vulnerable nations such as small island states to scepticism of junk science and gullible warming politics and to ensure their poverty, dependence and political compliance in perpetuity.

And I want to see governments fulfilling their pledge to mobilize 100 billion dollars a year for climate action in support of the developing world.
– And I want to see sovereign governments fulfilling their pledge to mobilize 100 billion dollars of Other Peoples Money a year for our climate action slush fund, supposedly in support of the developing world. And there had better not be questions asked on how we ‘administer’ our slush fund!

We need to see the Green Climate Fund become fully operational and fully resourced.
– We need to see the UN slush fund become fully paid for with Other Peoples Money.

But for all this, we need governments, industry and civil society reading from the same page – with governments front and centre driving the movement for climate action.
– But for all this, we need governments, industry and civil society reading from the same meme – with governments front and centre driving the debt collectors after more Other Peoples Money.

I am calling on all leaders to come to next year’s Climate Summit prepared to report not only on what they are doing, but what more they intend to do when they convene in 2020 for the UN climate conference and where commitments will be renewed and surely ambitiously increased.
…or else I’ll take your birthdays away; after all there’s actually nothing the UN can do about it if you decide not to run our fool’s errand.

And it is why I am calling on civil society, and young people in particular, to campaign for climate action.
– And it is why I am calling on useful idiots everywhere to protest for action on gullible warming and cause civil disobedience if needed. You get a free pass for beating up deniers.

Let us use the next year for transformational decisions in boardrooms, executive suites and parliaments across the world.
– Please use the next year for self-harm decisions in boardrooms, executive suites and parliaments across the world. Our privileged existence depends on it!

Let us raise our sights, build coalitions and make our leaders listen.
– Let us lower our critical thinking, collaborate with likeminded yobbos, vultures and useful idiots and make our leaders kow-tow to the minority demand.

I commit myself, and the entire United Nations, to this effort. We will support all leaders who rise to the challenge I have outlined today.
– I commit myself, and the entire United Nations, to this self-serving effort; easy to say since we have no actual ‘skin in the game’. We will demonise all leaders who reject the dogma I have outlined today.

Dear friends,
– Dear slaves (deplorables)

There is no more time to waste.
– Just as we’ve been repeating for forty years, there is no more time to think. But we really, really mean it this time.

As the ferocity of this summer’s wildfires and heatwaves shows, the world is changing before our eyes.
– As this summer’s wildfires and heat waves shows, the world’s weather is unremarkably normal, right before our eyes.

We are careering towards the edge of the abyss.
– We are careering further away from the window of opportunity to bind the world’s sheeple to de-facto one world government.

It is not too late to shift course, but every day that passes means the world heats up a little more and the cost of our inaction mounts.
– We kid ourselves that it’s not too late to usurp sovereignty and democracy, but every day that passes and the world fails to heat up as we’ve been saying the last forty years means that opportunity fades.

Every day we fail to act is a day that we step a little closer towards a fate that none of us wants — a fate that will resonate through generations in the damage done to humankind and life on earth.
– Every day you fail to act is a day we step closer towards a fate that none of us aboard the gravy train wants – when the sheeple wake up to the con, completely lose interest and refuse to hand over any more Other Peoples Money to the cause. That fate will resonate through generations of parasites in the damage done to the credibility of climastrology and the UN and our privileged lives on the take.

Our fate is in our hands.
– our privileged existence in is your hands

The world is counting on all of us to rise to the challenge before it’s too late.
– The ‘big club’ is counting on all of you to rise to the challenge of paying even more for our bloatocracy before it’s too late to save our lives of privilege.

I count on you all.
…Because if you don’t take the bait, I will have to find myself a real job.

Thank you.”
– Far Queue.

So to summarize; it’s worse than we thought, you’re not doing enough, send more money, be damn quick about it and stop asking inconvenient questions. Move it!