Friday Funny – Farmer answers Greenpeace fracking protesters with manure sprayer

This farmer decided to fight B.S. with B.S., literally.

Josh writes: Emma Thompson is in the news again with her mobile bake off protest against fracking in Lancashire.

The actress joined Greenpeace fracking protesters by occupying private land slated for gas exploration that had been posted as “no trespassing” by court injunction, even mugging for cameras as they climbed over the fence.




Images from via UK Daily Mail

Josh decided Emma was worth parodying:


Full story here

151 thoughts on “Friday Funny – Farmer answers Greenpeace fracking protesters with manure sprayer

    • Maybe ‘CS for BS’. A couple of years ago during our Heritage Days weekend I was standing on the sidewalk down town when a chicken poop truck drove by. As it did you could here a couple of tourists loudly complaining about the rather noticeable odor. A couple of local ladies were standing next to me. I had to laugh when one of ’em told the other: “Smells like money to me.” And her companion responded: “Sure does, don’t it.” … Guess it’s all in your perspective.

  1. The same strategy works with cats. Spray with a little vinegar and eventually they’ll stop scratching the furniture.

    • ..Unfortunately, my black cat loves fries and vinegar, so she would just start eating my furniture ! ( more than she already does ) !!

    • That only works if you do it while they’re not looking. The trick is to make them think the thing they’re scratching is spraying them but if they see you…the jig up!
      Perhaps the same logic could apply to this?

  2. Given the guarantee of a massive audience, it might be a nice idea to invite her to do a guest-post on why she is so anti-fracking. Then, perhaps, we could all be the wiser …

  3. ..because we are soft on criminals in this country, especially with regard to land rights. I wouldn’t be surprised if the luvvie queen herself sues for the manure shower.

  4. “Subject to a court injunction” means a violation is technically “contempt of court” – an infraction which is entirely subject to the decision of the judge (no jury required) and which has no sentencing guidelines. There is photographic evidence that they were aware of the injunction and chose to disregard it anyway. No plea required.

  5. I’ll bet those wild eyed one worlders never even noticed since none of them have bathed in years.

    • Indeed. As Kate from has it, organic is Greek for “grown in BS”.

  6. A few decades ago, I decided that the best way to control any unruly crowd, was for chemists to come up with a gas (like teargas), that would cause an instant release of protesters’ bowels. They would become their own instant sh.t storm. Problem solved.

    • I’ve read that high-volume infrasonic sound will produce such an effect, along with unease, paranoia, and fear.

  7. One of these times, a protest will go like this: the Usual Suspects will chain themselves to a fence, someone will open another gate, let in the trucks, and then go about their business. Then everyone will go home as the police are under no obligation to bring bolt cutters with them.

    • None of the above would be involved in a contempt of court like Emma and her latte sipping eco-warriors.
      BTW who said the sewage spraying was illegal?

      • David sez:
        “BTW who said the sewage spraying was illegal?
        Yeah, and besides, there weren’t any protesters there. The sign said it was forbidden so if the government decrees it is not allowed, well then of course that takes care of the matter and no one could possibly be there, right?
        How could that farmer be doing anything but spraying manure on his field?

  8. I hope that she didn’t bake those muffins in a gas oven.
    Or an electrical over powered by the gas reliant grid.
    I expect that those muffins were baked by magical pixie power, which is accessible only to those who try really really really hard to believe in a magical future where cakes bake themselves.
    And where solar panels work during dark winter evenings whilst all the mummies are baking muffins for their darlings in the dream utopia of tomorrowland.
    Don’t these idiots realize that we need MORE gas generation capacity BECAUSE of the solar and wind that they themselves are trying to promote.

  9. The Greenpeacers weren’t looking all that green, so the considerate farmer, at his own expense, gave ’em some fertilizer to perk ’em up. The ungrateful bastets.

  10. I presume the Thompson sisters walked to the farm, or rode bicycles with no steel or aluminum in them. And that the clothes they are wearing are made out of cotton or wool fabrics only prepared entirely from water wheel driven power. And Sophie is not really cooking on a metal stove using propane, is she? Without petroleum fuels, these hypocrites would be standing naked in a field cooking over a wood fire. There is a certain special kind of ignorance that goes along with this sort of stance.

    • Spinning and weaving can be done by hand, no power required. The skills are as old as human civilization but I seriously doubt these modern greenies have ever seen a wheel or loom except as a prop in a movie, much less would know how to use them. And evennif they did, it would take too much time from their law breaking adventures to encourage people to reject modern conveniences and embrace that which they know nothing of…because it’s “morally” correct. I’d love nothing better than to take all these idiots and make them pick/shear, bow/comb, spin and weave a shirt out of cotton/wool respectively. After an hour with very little progress made and muscles hurting I’m convinced they will praise electricity. And celebrate all the people in the textile industry that electricity has made possible. LOL.
      Or just sit them down next to a retting stack of flax…let them smell it and they’ll change their tune pretty quickly.
      We take clothes and fabric that surrounds us for granted but if you knew what is involved in doing it by hand you’d understand and be grateful for the energy to have machines do it for you.
      Just an opinion from a spinner and weaver. 🙂

  11. I think the common farmer may have more sense than most of the USA population. If only we could randomly pick one to be president. (could not be worse than the A##s we normally get)
    ~ Mark

      • I can think of a few farmers who would qualify. Most of them have farms of less than 400 acres and understand the problems of government overreach, noxious neighbors, and overly restrictive rules and regulations at the local, state and federal level. They also understand you can’t spend money you don’t have and know how to prioritize what spending there is to gain maximum effect.
        Sounds like a good background for a future president to me.

      • Abraham Lincoln was a real dirt farmer. He had a choice: farm the rocky acres (yes, they were well named) or sell them and learn law.
        American politics was never the same. But they don’t have anybody with that quality anymore.

    • For some reason, this reminds me of a nasty case.
      A Canadian farmer, Wiebo Lidwig, was rather unpopular with his neighbors because of his anti-sour-gas stance.
      His kids were tent camping on his farm.
      A bunch of teenagers trespassed on his farm and menaced his kids by driving a pickup truck at them.
      One of the trespassing teenagers was shot to death.
      The police never found the weapon and could not identify the shooter. No charges were laid. link
      I have no clue how the case would have gone if the shooter had been identified. It probably would depend on the quality of Ludwig’s lawyer. It isn’t a stretch to call a pickup truck a deadly weapon. (but I am not a lawyer)
      In any event, in every jurisdiction I am aware of, a property owner has the right to use reasonable force to evict tresspassers. Spraying someone with liquid manure sounds like reasonable force to me. 🙂

  12. Quotes from the Daily Mail piece:
    ‘Greenpeace’s Hannah Martin said: ‘We don’t need fracked gas to keep Britain baking.
    ‘We need renewable energy, like wind and solar. We are fighting for this land to remain frack free.”
    Solar energy? In Britain? Is Ms. Martin aware how far north Britain is located on the European map? Did she bother checking with Britain’s meterological service to determine how much sunshine Britain gets in a typical year? In wattage? We aren’t talking about the Mediterranean region here, are we?
    “But Ken Cronin, chief executive of UK Onshore Oil and Gas, said it was ‘ironic that Sophie Thompson, who uses gas stoves in videos to promote her own cook books,…….”
    I noticed that it appeared to be a cloudy day in those videos on the Dail Mail’s website. What is that word that starts with the letter ‘h’ that I’m thinking of here?

  13. Translation for readers across the pond:
    Oop north = Up north. Up north is where poor people with strange acents actually work for a living. You know, getting their hands dirty and making things. While the luvvies from London just call each other daahhrrling and swig champagne all day.
    Absolutely Fabulous….

      • But the whippet is normally in the brick sht house. The loft is for the pidgeons – tumblers are for racing, not drinking.

      • Don’t forget we oop t’northerners keep the tin bath hung on the wall outside the kitchen. No whippets in our sheethouse. That’s where the chickens roost and the whippets would stop ’em laying.
        The tragedy of the Sheetstorm of Woodplumpton is that I live a few miles away in Over Wyre, an even more rural area just north of the Fylde, and didn’t know it was going down. I’d have jumped into my Land Rover (an absolute necessity since the roads around here are prone to regular flooding) and whizzed over to view the spectacle.
        An appreciative pat on the back to the farmer who gave ET a smellier pat on the back.

      • The Two Ronnies. Two giants of comedy now sadly no longer with us. That clip must be forty years old and it’s still funny.

  14. The Daily Mail article refers to it as “raw sewage”. I don’t think that’s quite accurate, as it is liquefied manure – a useful fertilizer. (And certainly considerably more useful than these “celebrities”, just sayin’.)

  15. Thanks Mod – needless to say
    it’s just the rememberance that people that first come with accusations Nazi, communist and so on themselves have the wildest dreams of ‘reasonable, unpolitical, non partisan. ..’ Action.

  16. The odd thing about Emma and her ilk is that they seem to want to provoke an all-out war, but they’re clueless about what will happen to them if that war actually happens. They will all be oshiterated, oops I meant to say obliterated!

    • Yep, they will be the first to be taken around the back of a remote farm building, lined up against a wall and sprayed with muck.

    • Poor Yoko. Can’t even get an invite to a manure spraying! They’re too afraid she’ll sing back at them!

  17. At least they could have illegally climbed over the gate at the hinge side. Don’t they read the countryside code?

  18. If BP boycotted her mansions and studios, would she sue to force them to drill and refine oil and gas for her?
    I’d love to find out.

  19. She’s another “has been” in need of a cause to keep her in the limelight. She needs Greenpeace more than they need her. And no one needs Greenpeace.

  20. Old Joke about Emma Thompson and Kevin Branaugh (when they were still married):
    Emma: Honey, where are you?
    Kevin: In the kitchen.
    Emma: Can I be in it too?

  21. One farmer with an appropriate response to what comes from the Gang Green.
    Hope to see more such appropriate treatment of crop damaging fools more often.
    Hope the farmer sends dear Dizzy Em an invoice for compacting of his top soil by trespassers..

  22. With that little spray announcement, every time they plan to protest a fracking event, if farmers are involved they should sell tickets for people who want to watch.
    Other than that, every farmer is forewarned on how to deal with unwelcome trespassers now.
    Bet the eco-loons sue for damages; I hope they’re denied. I’m sure the farmer can arrange a free plain water spray and some bars of soap, off property.

  23. We Texans salute you Mr. Farmer, you have successfully spread you fertilizer where it would do the most good…..

  24. The farmer should make that a regular event until they leave. Better still, get the neighbors in to help. It could be the best naturally fertilized patch of land in the country!
    I also hope the judge that issued the no trespassing order is angry enough to do something about it. What message does it send that protesters can ignore the courts and ride roughshod over people’s rights? Do the town’s people have to get together and deal with them themselves? There must be many who think it because it’s looking more and more that no one in authority cares.

  25. I think the English farmer could take some lessons from French farmers about spraying liquified manure.

    • Bank manager Alan Bell told Newcastle magistrates: “There was a large deposit of manure sprayed up the walls to considerable height and lying in a heap outside the door. The effluent was too deep to walk into the bank unless you had waders on.”

  26. Farmers are the backbone of modern civilization. Energy is an essential nutrient for positive progress. Environmental lobbyists, activists, and celebrities, not so much.

  27. “Emmanure Thompson”, I like it. The woman’s nuttier than a fruit cake (or squirrel shit).

  28. Somebody really needs to do something to stop imbecilic actors and actresses from attempting to use their pretended authority to promote the causes of international socialism.
    “{Emma Thompson] took a swipe at old Blighty for being a ‘cake-filled misery-laden grey old island’: ‘A tiny little cloud-bolted, rainy corner of sort-of Europe, a cake-filled misery-laden grey old island.’
    As for the right approach to remaining in the EU? ‘We should be taking down borders, not putting them up,’ she explained, before adding that she would ‘of course’ vote to remain in the EU in the upcoming referendum.
    Yet despite her assurances, Thompson hasn’t always been such a fan of the vote. In fact back in 2014, the actress said she was encouraged by Russell Brand — the comedian-turned-revolutionary — saying ‘don’t vote’:
    ‘We’re going to have to have a revolution… I am encouraged by people like Russell Brand saying ‘Don’t vote’. I’ve got to the point where I listen to reports about what’s happening on the FTSE or the Dow Jones and I think I’m in an Orwell.’
    Happily no such revolution has put an end to British democracy since Thompson’s comments — so she will still be able to exercise her right to vote in the referendum.” (see link below for more)
    What is this issue that she has with cakes?
    There she is in the photo eating a cake, and now I discover that she is in general critical of the national consumption of cakes.
    Just as she flies all over the world in jet-planes (to collect awards and spend her vast personal wealth) but desires to deny the often poor working British people access to the cheap fossil fuels that lie beneath their feet.
    A master of hypocrisy. She couldn’t be more full of shit, if you attached that muck spreader directly to her face.
    Since she is so keen on shoving her shit down our throats, then I feel that the image was not wholly gratuitous or unjustified.
    The acting world seems to create some of the most ignorant yet simultaneously arrogant human beings on the planet.
    They are extremely troubling and dangerous people.

  29. In the U.S. this would trigger an EPA and Justice Dept. investigation and court action against the farmer. It does not matter the legality, it’s the harassment that counts.

  30. Celebrities.
    Many admire them, adore them, listen to them because they like what they saw when they pretended to be something they are not.
    (I remember that, I think it was, Meryl Streep actually was allowed to testify before Congress during the Alar on Apples scare. Her qualifications? She had played a farmer’s wife in a movie. Sad.)
    The more the “real person” acts up, the harder it is to enjoy watching their acting on the screen.
    (I haven’t been able to stomach listening to or watching Barbara Streisand in a decade or two. Not because she lacked talent, but because the real Babs in real life drowned out anything enjoyable about her performances.
    Definition 2 of “The Streisand Effect”?)
    I hope Emma shuts up. I kinda like “The Parent Trap” remake.

    • Darn, When he backed in, I was hoping for a full on massive spray of the whole campsite.
      I feel gypped 🙁

      • I was wondering whether the other bloke in the cab was about to whip off the splash plate first for a more “focused delivery”. He was lined up pretty good to fill the entire cook house 🙂

  31. It was supposed to be a pie baking contest that day. The farmer was only delivering the ingredients for an award winning cow pie.

      Love the way they were yelling “phone the police”…
      …when THEY are the ones trespassing on his land and stopping him finishing his crop fertilisation work.

  32. I used one of Josh’s cartoons to explain to someone about Hydraulic Fracturing and windmills and they were stunned to learn that the drill hole was thousands of feet deep and not just a few into the water table as they thought from what they had read on a GREEN website.
    Thanks Josh keep up the good work.
    James Bull

  33. Having lived on farms with such equipment I can tell you they stick to hell!!! And it goes EVERYWHERE. I could not think of a better application of this farm utility. Well done!

  34. One of the most obnoxious women in England, becoming literally obnoxious! I’d love to think that she got sprayed, but probably not. However, well done that man! A delight!

  35. Emma Thompson seems to be one of the small number of actors and actresses who seems to have a brain and some conscientious minds about the world around her. I don’t quite understand people here who think that hurting environment is a joke (soon you and your children will be affected, even now, we have nothing to eat), and it is OK to make fun of someone who takes time and put an effort to address that. This country is doomed.

    • Your problem here is that fracking does not hurt the environment. One might be sympathetic if it were a real problem being addressed. Keeping people from jobs or limiting cheap energy based on bad science deserves ridicule. Doing stupid stuff like this is simply asking for mockery. I’ll believe there is a problem when they start acting like there is a problem.

    • Sue:
      “Emma Thompson seems to be one of the small number of actors and actresses who seems to have a brain and some conscientious minds about the world around her. I don’t quite understand people here who think that hurting environment is a joke”
      Make no mistake, her only conscientious mind was in promoting her sister’s baking. The venue she choose had absolutely nothing to do with the environment and everything to do with publicity for both her sister and herself. By ignoring a warning sign and trespassing on the farmer’s land (and the subsequent spraying) she not only accomplished her goal but hopefully will be charged and either fined or put into jail for it–for which she will gain MORE publicity. It’s a stunt, nothing more.
      Fracking doesn’t “hurt” the environment if your definition and standard is humanity over pristine nature. I personally pick humanity–because pristine nature is dangerous. Ask any biologist, immunologist or doctor and they will tell you exactly what cholera does to human beings, how prevalent it is in areas with untreated water and how devastating it can be to a population of not just humans but animals as well. Talk to a biologist or botanist about plant predation, poisoning and the myriad of chemicals that plants release into our environment that can harm us and other animals or plants around us. And finally talk to an immunologist about MERSA or staff infections–both caused by nasty bacteria that live in our environment and can kill us in some truly nasty ways.
      And then go talk to the parents that have lost children due to dehydration because they had diarrhea. Over 100,000 children die each year due to dehydration caused by diarrhea because they don’t have access to clean water.
      Pristine nature is not what you think it is. Every species on this earth uses the environment in some way or another and they change it to suit their suitability. So why do you exclude humans from doing the same? Fracking is a way to provide cheap reliable energy so that we can LIVE in our environment and survive. It is the next evolution in our energy knowledge and as long as we have that cheap reliable energy we will continue to evolve our energy production.

  36. bazzer1959 April 29, 2016 at 11:31 am
    Isn’t she the most annoying cow? A few years ago she sent her adopted (black) son to a predominantly white Exeter University…then complained that he was he was given an unpleasant experience. The poor bloke deserves better than to have that as a ‘mum’.
    Sadly the experience appeared to be with the ‘Town’ rather than ‘Gown’ – nevertheless the University still got the blame and had to introduce a diversity module or series of events. More publicity in that I suppose. Shame really since Exeter U is one of the most diverse in the country.

  37. The generation who told us to question authority,has no become the Authority we cannot question” Kelly McSkimming

  38. “The generation who told us to question authority,has now become the Authority we cannot question”
    Kelly McSkimming

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