Science, Engineering, and other related jokes

Sodium is Na.
NaNaNaNaNaNaNaNaNaNaNaNaNaNaNaNa…Batman!

An engineer and a mathematician are competing for a beautiful woman. The engineer and the mathematician are told, “You can go to her, but you must travel this way; go half the distance, and then stop; then go half the remaining distance and stop; go half the remaining distance, and then stop, and so on.”
The mathematician never starts, because he knows he can never reach her. But the engineer takes off running, because he knows that he can get close enough for practical purposes.

Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na……BATMAN!

What do you get if you cross Batman with an elephant?
Flatman!

Janice #9: The person proved the friend’s point by using the word “irony” completely inappropriately.

Lol, takes a long time to type out Na 16 times on a cell phone!

One day, Einstein, Newton, and Pascal meet up and decide to play a game of hide and seek. Einstein volunteered to be “It.” As Einstein counted, eyes closed, to 100, Pascal ran away and hid, but Newton stood right in front of Einstein and drew a one meter by one meter square on the floor around himself. When Einstein opened his eyes, he immediately saw Newton and said “I found you Newton,” but Newton replied, “No, sorry, you’ve found Pascal!”.

I like this one…
Are you (Mg/Fe)7Si8022(OH)2 ?, if so, when?

One of my favorite science jokes happened on Johnny Carson in the early ’80s. I wish I could find it on YouTube or even in text, but no luck. It went something like this:
JC: (to Ed McMahon) You remember last week when we talked about whether a tree that falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it… does it make a sound?
Ed: I do. And I said it did make a sound.
JC; Yes, you did. Well…. You were wrong!
Ed: Really? Says who?
JC: I have a letter here from Dr. X, a professor of physics at Cal Tech. He writes:

“I wanted to let you know that it is accepted physics that when a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, that it does NOT make a sound.
More importantly, the tree does not actually need to fall before this question must be faced. According to the theory of Quantum Mechanics, it is believed that the tree does not actually EXIST until someone SEES IT!”
(slaps the letter onto to the desk). There you have it — from an expert!

Did you hear about the climate scientist that tried to model the climate using a binary model:
is CO2 a GHG : 1
do humans burn fossil fuels : 1
is it getting warmer : 1
1 AND 1 AND 1 = 1
Therefore temperatures are rising and we are the cause. If we all stop breathering temperatures will go back down again. We must act now.

More:
http://mashable.com/2014/06/23/intellectual-jokes/

Hoser says:
July 8, 2014 at 11:01 pm
One physicist tells his colleague, “We’ve determined the core temperature of the star gamma Draconis is 50 million degrees.” The other physicist replied, “Oh, really? Is that Kelvin or Celsius?”
=====
A physicist would know that it’s not kelvin because there are no “degrees kelvin”. He would also know not to use capitals when spelling kelvin and celsius.

A bunch of Hydronium ions in a weakly dissociated solution pour into the bar (after all, it IS a WET bar).
Flowing up to the bar, one of the positively-charged triple Hydrogen groupings says to the bartender, “Among us three, we seem to be missing a suborbital electron.”
Bartender asks, “Are you sure?”
They answer back, “No, we’re uncertain.”

PLEEEEAAASE, Greg. And BTW everyone thanks for the laughs.

One I had to look up:
What’s an anagram of Banach-Tarski?
Banach-Tarski Banach-Tarski

Q: How do you catch a unique rabbit?
A: Unique up on it.
Q: How do you catch a tame rabbit?
A: Tame way, unique up on it.

HAHA – these are wonderful! I’ve bookmarked the page.

let me wipe those smiles from your faces!
8 July: Breitbart: M.E. Synon: Revealed: EU Hands Out Multi-Millions to the BBC and Green Lobby
Figures are just out disclosing the millions of taxpayers’ money the European Union paid in 2013 to unelected, unaccountable non-governmental organisations (NGOs) and other special interest groups, especially to the “global warming” lobby.
One of the most disturbing figures is the amount the EU paid the BBC — €6,100,987 (£4,854,039) a sum in addition to the €24.4m (£19.4) in grants the EU paid the BBC between 2007-2012.
Grants to the green anti-industrial lobby included multi-millions to Friends of the Earth €4,188,230 (£3,332,220), WWF €5,344,641 (£4,252,279) and the RSPB €3,802,544 (£3,024,327).
More, the European Commission has taken taxpayers’ money from across the EU member states to subsidise United Nations institutions to the tune of nearly €140 million (£111m), despite UN staff indulging ““in corruption, waste and abuse that carries no real penalty,” according to Claudia Rosett, UN expert at the Foundation for Defense of Democracies, a Washington public policy institute…
The multi-millions in hand-outs have come to light because of the sharp-eyed research of EU historian and blogger Dr Richard North, who says “the database is a goldmine of information…once again it brings to light the huge amount of taxpayer funding going to unaccountable NGOs, and especially (but not exclusively) climate change advocacy groups.”
He calls particular attention to a new entrant on the listing, an organisation which has not received money from the European Commission before, the World Resources Institute (WRI), which has been given €1,500,000 (£1,192,527) for “designing the 2015 global climate change agreement.”…
Dr North’s research follows the WRI, an American organisation, through its establishment in Delaware, the state most favoured by corporations for its light taxes, to its lobbying in Washington, and through its vast international funding from government institutions across Europe, including $2,041,246 (£1,192,291) from Britain’s aid ministry, the Department for International Development.
His research goes on through a list of the WRI’s top 43 donors, including governments, corporates, charities and NGOS. Altogether these contribute $43,688,366 (£2,738,474), amounting to 85 per cent of the WRI’s 2013 revenue – yet the WRI is a private US charity…
http://www.breitbart.com/Breitbart-London/2014/07/08/EU-hands-out-multi-millions-to-the-BBC-global-warming-propagandists-and-the-UN

Q: What did the one neutron say to the other neutron?
A: You couldn’t hit the broad side of a barn if you tried.

Janice #9,
Why call it a bus stop when the bus so often doesn’t stop?

What were the headlines after a midget fortuneteller escaped from jail?
Small medium at large.

Five Swiss in an Audi Quattro arrive at the Italian border.
A customs agent stops them and says, “I’m sorry, but it’s illegal to put five people in a Quattro.
One of you will have to get out.”
“What do you mean, illegal?” asks the driver.
“Quattro means four,” replies the Italian official. “Not five.”
“But Quattro is the name of the car,” the stunned driver replies, “not its seating capacity.
Have a look at the papers. It IS designed to carry five persons.”
“You can’t pull that one on me,” replies the customs agent. “Quattro means four. You have five in your car, and you are therefore breaking the law. Either one person gets out or I’ll have to arrest you.”
The driver begins losing his temper. “You idiot! Call your supervisor;
we want to speak to someone with more intelligence!”
“I’m sorry,” responds the Italian, “he can’t come. He’s busy with two guys in a Fiat Uno.”

You guys kill me!!!! You really do. What great talent! Never get anything like this from the Greenalists, to busy talking doom & gloom all over the place!!!!

A blowfly goes into a bar and asks: “Is that stool taken?”

The barman says: “I’m sorry, we don’t serve faster-than-light particles here.”
A tachyon enters a bar.

Two cats are sitting on a roof. Which one slips off?
The one with the smaller mu.

One for all our Green friends. They’ll hate it!
A baby seal walks into a club …

The midget spy from Prague was being chased down the street by the K.G.B. He went into a bank and asked “Can you cache a small Czech?”

Question: What does the “B” in Benoit B Mandelbrot stand for?
Answer: Benoit B Mandelbrot.

Janice #9
Helps to know that what the cop actually said was “do you know you have a dead cat in this trunk?”

I have a friend who’s a dyslexic, agnostic, insomniac. He lays awake at night wondering if there is a Dog…

Physicists are known to be good at problem solving, even out of their primary domain. Researchers at a state agricultural college are having difficulty getting their herd of cows to produce more milk, so they call in a world-famous theoretical physicist to see if he can help out. They take him on a tour of the farm, and the physicist carefully measures the length and width and height of several cows, examines their feed, samples a glass of their milk, muttering “Hmmm, hmmm, ah yes, I see…” all of the while. He then disappears for three weeks, presumably applying his Great Brain to their problem.
One day, without warning, he returns, smiling, and calls all of the agricultural researchers into their auditorium. They dim the lights and he puts up the first slide of his (approximate) solution while intoning “We will begin by assuming a spherical cow, located in a vacuum far from all other cows…”:
http://www.redbubble.com/people/ajwelsh/works/7005746-spherical-cow?p=sticker

John Edward Voelker 9 July 12:25
#1 is the theme song from the TV series Batman, starring Adam West, in the 60’s.

An engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician are all on their way to a science conference being held in a remote castle in Scotland and find themselves sharing a compartment on the only train that leads to the region. As the train winds its way through the lonely hills, they observe that the hillsides are often occupied with sheep, as wool is a staple of the local economy. Suddenly, the engineer sees that mixed in with all of the white fluffy sheep, high up on the mountainside, there is a single black sheep.
“Look,” says the engineer. “They have black sheep in Scotland!”
“Well,” says the physicist, looking out the window, with a slight sneer in his voice, “you mean — to be more precise — that they have at least one black sheep in Scotland.”
The mathematician (who was spending most of his time sitting and mumbling to himself about Banach-Tarski sets while eyeing the single dollar bill that he’d brought for his expenses with a pair of scissors in his hand and roll of tape in his pocket) glanced up for a moment. Then his eyes dropped back to the bill, and as he prepared to make the first cut he replied, “Actually, there is at least one sheep in Scotland that is black on at least one side…”

I had an elderly friend once, called Marc Hyam, who always wore a red hat….well surely you have heard of the ruby hat of old Marc Hyam?

A priest, an MD and an engineer are playing golf with an official from the club. The first three are getting more and more annoyed with the foursome ahead of them, who take an inordinate amount of time at each hole. The club official asks them to be patient, explaining that two of the group ahead are ex-firemen who were blinded fighting a fire at the club. In gratitude, the club takes them out for a free round whenever they want to go, and of course, they play slower than normal. The priest says, “I feel terrible about complaining. Those men are heroes. I’ll make sure to say a mass for them.” The MD says, “I’ve been doing some research lately into eye injuries, and I’m going to bring them to my office and see if I can help them.” The engineer says, “Why can’t they play at night?”

Two engineers were riding bikes through the park during lunch break when one said, ”Great new bike, where did you get it?”
The second engineer replied, “Well, I was sitting, eating my lunch on that park bench over there, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She tossed the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, “Take what you want.”

The second engineer, impressed, said, “Good choice; the clothes would never have fit.”
As an engineer, I know this to be a true story . . . somewhere. . . at some time!
Dan

I tried some of these on my pet physicist. He started explaining what plagiarism was and got accused of having Asperger’s. Then he said, “Union-ized” and got ridiculed. It’s not easy living with Muggles.

Pavlov is enjoying a drink after work. The phone rings. He jumps up shouting, “Hell, I forgot to feed the dog!”

Here’s a joke….Things to come…
(Fen Beagle Cartoon)
http://fenbeagleblog.wordpress.com/2014/07/09/things-to-come/

An engineer and a mathematician had been asked to participate in a psychological study.
Each was asked to walk into a room in which there was a box of matches, a stack of kindling in a basket, a wood stove, a bucket of watter and a kettle.
Their task was to boil the water.
The engineer puts some kindling in the stove, lights it with a match, pours water from the bucket into the kettle, and places the kettle on the stove. Within a few minutes, the water in the kettle is boiling.
Alone in his own, identically equipped, room, the mathematician follows the precise same sequence.
In Part 2 of the study, the same engineer and mathematician were asked to complete the same task.
This time, however, when they entered their rooms, the water was in the kettle on top of the stove and the kindling was in the stove in a neat arrangement that would ensure a good fire.
The engineer struck a match and ignited the kindling.
The mathematician removed the kindling from the stove and put it in the basket, and poured the water from the kettle back into the bucket.
“There” he says, “I’ve reduced it to the previous case.”

watter=water, of course. Watter’s up with that?

Two termites walk into a bar. One asks, “Is the bar tender here?”

I had a very droll/dry math teacher in college that extolled the value of calculus, but he did tell us it had its limits.

A inquisitive young boy goes to his father and asks “Dad, what is the difference between ignorance and apathy?”. The father looks up from his work and says with exasperation “Son, I don’t know and I don’t care.”

There are 10 kinds of people in the world: Those who understand binary and those who do not.

The engineer asks, “How does it work?”
The scientist asks, “Why does it work?”
The English major asks, “Do you want fries with that?”

let x = 0.9999 recurring
* both side by 10
10x = 9.9999r
subtract x from both sides
9x = 9
divide both sides by 9
x = 1
but wait.. that means 1 = .9999r

A man from North Carolina goes into a bar in New England. He asks the bartender, “Did you go to Harvard?” The bartender says, “Yale.” The North Carolinan says, “DID YOU GO TO HARVARD?”

A termite crawls into a pub and up on one of the barstools. He looks up at the guy serving beer and says, “Hey, is the bar tender here?”

Sorry about that Jeff, I did not refresh before posting.

A girl goes up to her Astronomy professor and asks,
“I understand how Astronomers can measure distances to stars, their luminosity, and their temperatures, but how do they know their NAMES?”

#16 – Poles will laugh a LOT.

A. Because 31 OCT = 25 DEC
Paul Coppin says:
July 9, 2014 at 12:26 am
“Janice Moore says:
July 8, 2014 at 9:52 pm
I don’t get:
#9 and #18 (the cat in trunk part).
Anyone? Anyone?”
<<<<<<<<<<
Shrodinger postulated a thought experiment based on Heisenburg's uncertaintanty principal involving whether a cat was alive or not. Google for a full run down.

If you are not part of the solution you are part of the precipitate.

@Caleb
“I prefer cruder humor:”
In that case:
How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two, but don’t ask me how they got in the light bulb.

Sidney Morganbesser was, as far as I am aware, the originator of the “Yeah, yeah.” joke. (#15)
“In the early 1950′s, the esteemed Oxford philosopher J. L. Austin came to Columbia to present a paper about the structural analysis of language. He pointed out that, in English, although a double negative implies a positive meaning (i.e. ‘I’m not unlike my father…’), there is no language in which a double positive implies a negative. ‘Yeah, yeah,’ scoffed Morgenbesser from the back of the auditorium.”
http://jrbenjamin.com/2013/10/10/sidney-morgenbessers-sense-of-humor/

Harry Passfield Says: (http://wattsupwiththat.com/2014/07/08/science-engineering-and-other-related-jokes/#comment-1681338)
“How does Batman get called to the table by his mum:”
Trick question. Batman’s mom is dead. 🙂

A businessman from Milan arrives in Rome in dread about the usual ordeal and time he’ll waste with government bureaucrats getting permits for his company. He is elated when by mid-day the Environment Ministry officials take his money, approve his applications and promptly issue the authorizations. He prods the cabbie across town to his next governmental stop. He arrives at the Palazzo delle Finanze and finds the door locked with no sign of life inside.
He sees a policeman standing in the shade and shouts in anger: “What? Don’t they work in the afternoon?”
“No, Signore,” replies the policeman. “They don’t work in the morning. In the afternoon they don’t come.”

I like the recursive nature of the name of the operating system GNU. GNU is an acronym for “GNU’s Not Unix”

Colorado Wellington says:
July 9, 2014 at 10:10 am
Here in the States, civil servants are required to not work for eight hours per day. But they’ve really mastered that art:
Four men were bragging about how smart their dogs were.
The first man was an engineer, the second man an accountant, the third man a chemist, and the fourth man was a government employee.
To show off, the engineer called to his dog, “T-Square, do your stuff.” T-Square trotted over to a desk and, with a pen, promptly drew a circle, a square and a triangle onto some paper.
Everyone agreed that that was pretty good. The accountant, though, insisted his dog could do better. He called to his dog and said, “Slide Rule, do your stuff.” Slide Rule went out into the kitchen and returned with a dozen cookies. He proceeded to divide the cookies into four equal piles of three each.
Everyone agreed that that too was pretty good. The chemist, though, proclaimed that his dog could do even better. He called his dog and said, “Measure, do your stuff.” Measure got up, walked over to the fridge, took out a quart of milk, got a ten ounce glass from the cupboard, and then poured exactly eight ounces into the glass without spilling a drop.
Everyone agreed that that was pretty good, as well. Then, they all turned to the government employee and said, “Hey, pal, what can your dog do?”
The government employee stood up, called his dog and said, “Coffee Break, do your stuff.” Coffee Break jumped to his feet, ate the cookies, drank the milk, took a sh*t on the paper, screwed the other three dogs, claimed he’d injured his back while doing so, filed a grievance report for unsafe working conditions, put in for Workers’ Compensation, and then went home on sick leave.

For those who don’t know, the increased size of calves due intense breeding programs has resulted in many breeds of cows being unable to deliver their calves without manual human assistance. This involves the rancher reaching into the uterus, grabbing a pair of legs, and pulling for all they are worth.
Two Boeing engineers are driving across the farmlands of eastern Washington when they spy a rancher out in a field near the road trying for all he is worth to pull something out of the cow. Intrigued and disturbed by the bellowing of the distressed cow, the aerospace engineers stop, roll up their sleeves, and add their strength to the effort.
In a moment the trio of humans succeed and the calf emerges into the world and is soon standing and being licked clean by the mother.
The rancher offers, “Gee, I sure am grateful to you guys. Can I pay you anything?”
The engineers confer for a moment and then one asks, “Can you just tell us how fast that calf was going when it hit the cow?”

#2 reminds me of West Berlin. It was in fact surrounded by a fence (or rather, a wall) and was defined as being “outside”. It used to be, so to speak, a topological disaster in the middle of Europe.

Gotta admit, the first one had me stumped…. but it was good laughs after that! And all of the other contributions here are excellent!
Here’s a couple more:
Dyslexics of the World – Untie!
Did you hear about the cannibal that passed his mother-in-law in the woods?
Q: How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one… but the light bulb really has to want to change.

Two geologists go on a hot air balloon ride. After a couple of hours they find they are lost (pre-GPS). Looking down they see a lot of activity going on at a well in an oil field.
They lower themselves to a point where they can yell to the guys on the ground.
“Hey, can you help us? Where are we?”
A guy in a clean white shirt and pristine hard hat looks up and says, “You’re in a hot air balloon!”
One of the geologists looks at the other, “Isn’t that just like an engineer, he tells you something absolutely true and absolutely useless at the same time.”

Q: How many philosophers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Fish.

If a man says something in a forest, and no woman hears him, is he still wrong?

Speaking of Al Gore and irony, did anyone notice that in his movie, “An Inconvenient Truth,” he presented a coelacanth in his montage of extinct animals?
I actually laughed out loud in the audience.
Q: How many Marxists are needed to change a light bulb?
A: None whatsoever. The light bulb contains within itself the seeds of its own revolution.

A mathematician, a physicist, and an engineer were each asked to evaluate the proposition “All odd numbers are prime.”
The mathematician said, “Hmm. Let’s see. One is prime. Three is prime. And five is prime. Thus by induction, we can infer that the proposition is true. And we can predict that seven will be prime, and sure enough it is!”
The physicist said, “Hmm. Let’s see. One is prime. Three is prime. Five is prime. Seven is prime. Nine doesn’t appear to be prime, but that could be due to experimental error. Eleven is prime. Thirteen is prime. Fif– …Oh, I think we have enough data! The proposition is true.”
The engineer said, “Hmm. Let’s see. One is prime. Three is prime. Five is prime. Seven is prime. Nine is prime. Eleven is prime. Thirteen is prime. …”

The Flies Conundrum:
Time flies like an arrow.
Fruit flies like a banana.

A guy walks into a bar and says…
OUCH!

Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.
A sandwich walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Sorry we don’t serve food in here.”

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks, “Why the long face?”

Quinn says:
July 9, 2014 at 10:26 am
Who GNU? (sorry….)

A software engineer, a hardware engineer, and a department manager were on their way to a meeting in Switzerland. They were driving down a steep mountain road when suddenly the brakes on their car failed. The car careened almost out of control down the road, bouncing off the crash barriers, until it miraculously ground to a halt, scraping along the mountainside.
The car’s occupants, shaken but unhurt, now had a problem: they were stuck halfway down a mountain in a car with no brakes. What were they to do?
“I know,” said the department manager, “Let’s have a meeting, propose a Vision, formulate a Mission Statement, define some Goals, and by a process of Continuous Improvement find a solution to the Critical Problems, and we can be on our way.”
“No, no,” said the hardware engineer. “That will take far too long, and besides, that method has never worked before. I’ve got my Swiss Army knife with me, and in no time at all I can strip down the car’s braking system, isolate the fault, fix it, and we can be on our way.”
“Well,” said the software engineer, “Before we do anything, I think we should push the car back up the road and see if it happens again.”

What is the difference between Mathematicians, Physicists, and Engineers?
The Engineer uses formulas to describe reality.
The Physicist uses reality to develop formulas.
The Mathematician has never understood that the one has anything to do with the other….
(sorry if my translation isn’t so good, the original is:
Was unterscheided Mathematiker, Physiker und Ingenieure?
Der Ingenieur benutzt Formeln um die Wirklichkeit darzustellen.
Der Physiker benutzt die Wirklichkeit um die Formeln zu ermitteln.
Der Mathematiker hat nie verstanden, dass das Eine mit dem Anderen was zu tun hat.)

“An Irishman walks out of a bar. Hey, it COULD happen!”
Oh, we’re doing ethnic humor now?
Sean calls his best friend Paddy to his bedside at the hospital.
“Paddy,” he says, “I’m not long for this world. So I’d like to ask a special favor of ye. In me bedroom, under the bed, there’s a box. Inside is a 100 year old bottle of the finest Irish Whiskey ever made. When I pass, and they put me in the ground, I ask ye, me very best mate, to open that bottle and pour it on me grave, that I might have a wee nip in the afterlife.”
Paddy says,”Ah, Sean, me boy-oh, t’is a fine request and I shall pour the whiskey as ye ask. But might I strain it through me kidneys first?”
Sven and Ole get together to do some heavy drinking. After three hours of complete silence, Sven lifts his glass and says,”skoal.” And Ole says,”did you come here to drink or to talk?”

but wait.. that means 1 = .9999r
3 x 1/3 = 1
3 x 0.333r = 0.999r
Since 1/3 = 0.333r, 0.999r = 1
(Plus, as noted above, since there are no numbers between 0.999r and 1, they must be the same).
Hoser says:
Extending that logic, you could prove 0 = 1.The nearest neighbor of 0.9999r to the left is also equal to 0.9999r,
Please say you are kidding! “The nearest neighbour” to a real number? What sort of nonsense is that?

@Bob alou,
There is a computer version of your geologist joke involving a helicopter rather than a hot air balloon.
A tour group was taking a helicopter ride around Seattle when a thick fog rolled in. The pilot was lost, because he couldn’t tell where the airport was. Pulling up next to a tall office building where there were a bunch of people in a conference room, he held up a sign that said “Where are we?”
After some discussion the people in the conference room held up a sign that said “You are in a helicopter.”
Seeing that response, the pilot flew straight to the airport and made a flawless landing. Amazed, one of the tourist asked “How did you know where we were from that answer?”
“Easy,” responded the pilot, “I knew that it had to be the Microsoft building, because only a Microsoft support tech could give you an answer that is both completely true and completely useless.”

Jeff says:
July 9, 2014 at 2:48 am

…
“I’m sorry,” responds the Italian, “he can’t come. He’s busy with two guys in a Fiat Uno.”

Two weeks later the border crossing was shut down by a convoy of ZEVs.

@dbstealey at 2:55 pm
Understanding Engineers #1
To the optimist, the glass is half-full. To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
To the engineer, the glass has a margin of safety.

Stephen Rasey says:
July 9, 2014 at 4:22 pm
@dbstealey at 2:55 pm
Understanding Engineers #1
To the optimist, the glass is half-full. To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
To the engineer, the glass has a margin of safety.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
To the realist, the glass is completely full. It’s half full of water and half full of air. If the glass was truly only half full, 1/2 water, 1/2 vacuum, there would be no glass at all, because it would explode almost instantaneously.

The Mir space station AKA’s
Starship Lada
Kaputnik
Skylab for Dummies
The S.S. Minnowsky
Cattlecar Galactica

The definite integral from 10 to 13 of 2x dx?

A polar bear walks into a bar…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
The bar tender says, “Why the long paws?”

Ok, just for the Halibut….
A real estate developer needs to list an office building for sale; he has sparse information about the building. He runs into an engineer, a physicist, and a salesman (perhaps dealing in “previously enjoyed” automobiles). The developer says; “I have three really nice thermometers, whoever can tell me the height of this building first can keep the thermometer and I’ll give you a 100 dollars”.
The physicist races to the top of the building, does some calculations about the acceleration due to gravity, wind drag based on the thermometer shape, density of the air based on elevation, terminal velocity, etc, etc… Then she tosses the thermometer off the roof and records the elapsed time until she hears the sound of the thermometer hitting the pavement below. With a computer model she then estimates the height of the building….
The engineer estimates that the thermometer is 1 foot long, walks away from the building until he can see a straight line from the ground over the top of the thermometer to the top of the building. Knowing how far away he walked from the building and the thermometer length he does a simple linear scaling to determine the building height.
The salesman, well…. he rushes into the basement of the building frantically searching for the building manager, once he finds him he shouts; “I’ll give you this really priceless thermometer if you tell me the height of this building”…..
This OLD engineer/scientist/salesperson joke was around a long time before everybody “claimed” to know the exact temperature of the Earth.
AND of course there is the very old 80/20 rule of scheduling any project/undertaking…
The first 80% of the work takes 80% of the allotted time. Then, the other 20% of the work takes another 80% of the time. Therefore, everything takes exactly 160% longer than you predicted before starting the task….
AND, of course; “In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice”…..
Cheers, Kevin