Bizarre, craptastic theory from the Guardian, Penn State, and NASA: "ET will kill us because global warming will tip them off that we are a bad species"

UPDATE: co-author admits it is a “horrible mistake”, see below – Anthony

From the you’ve got to be effing kidding me department.

First, I apologize to my readers for the headline. Read on and I think you’ll see it is justified. The headline is paraphrased from the article and the paper to give you the flavor. I have reproduced the passage used by the Guardian and provided a link to the full paper below.

First, the Guardian story: (h/t to reader “a jones”)

Now the paper, peer reviewed and published in Acta Astronautica titled:

Would Contact with Extraterrestrials Benefit or Harm Humanity? A Scenario Analysis

Seth D. Baum,1 Jacob D. Haqq-Misra,2 & Shawn D. Domagal-Goldman3

1. Department of Geography, Pennsylvania State University.

2. Department of Meteorology, Pennsylvania State University

3. NASA Planetary Science Division

Acta Astronautica, 2011, 68(11-12): 2114-2129

Here’s the relevant passage:

A preemptive strike [from extraterrestrials] would be particularly likely in the early phases of our expansion because a civilization may become increasingly difficult to destroy as it continues to expand. Humanity may just now be entering the period in which its rapid civilizational expansion could be detected by an ETI because our expansion is changing the composition of Earth’s atmosphere (e.g. via greenhouse gas emissions), which therefore changes the spectral signature of Earth. While it is difficult to estimate the likelihood of this scenario, it should at a minimum give us pause as we evaluate our expansive tendencies.

Words fail me. Truly this is science fiction, and not the good kind. I have a feature called “Climate Craziness of the Week”, this may be the all time winner.

Read the entire paper here (PDF)

================================================================

UPDATE: Former Economist sci/tech reporter Oliver Morton chips in with this in comments, it seems a “horrible mistake” was made by the co-author. Still no word on how this passes peer review.

http://paleblueblog.org/post/9110304050/some-important-points-of-clarification

So here’s the thing. This isn’t a “NASA report.” It’s not work funded by NASA, nor is it work supported by NASA in other ways. It was just a fun paper written by a few friends, one of whom happens to have a NASA affiliation.

But I do admit to making a horrible mistake. It was an honest one, and a naive one… but it was a mistake nonetheless. I should not have listed my affiliation as “NASA Headquarters.” I did so because that is my current academic affiliation. But when I did so I did not realize the full implications that has. I’m deeply sorry for that, but it was a mistake born our of carelessness and inexperience and nothing more. I will do what I can to rectify this, including distributing this post to the Guardian, Drudge, and NASA Watch. Please help me spread this post to the other places you may see the article inaccurately attributed to NASA.

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David Schofield
August 18, 2011 2:38 pm

Great one for numberwatch!!

Daniel M
August 18, 2011 2:43 pm

Wow, I think this merits an end of year award for Climate Craziness of the Week. Heck, I think this one might be the first induction for a Hall of Fame (Shame). Consider it, Anthony.

mike williams
August 18, 2011 2:44 pm

CO2 increase =increased threat from ET.
This is as about a rigorous as a lot of CAGW stuff..
I wonder if there is any $$$ for them in this angle though 🙂

George Turner
August 18, 2011 2:45 pm

Zowie. So why would the aliens think a slight increase in a trace gas, still well below prehistoric levels, indicates civilization when most planets undergo dramatic shifts in atmospheric composition, such as occured on the Earth, Mars, and Venus?
I, for one, look forward to an invasion attempt by these alien idiots who can stare at thousands of planets for millions of years and not realize that atmospheric gases change over time.

TheGoodLocust
August 18, 2011 2:45 pm

Um…..sounds like the plot to The Day the Earth Stood Still.
In any case, this “scientist” argues we should limit our economic growth because it’ll make “nice” aliens less likely to commit planetwide genocide on us?
Err….what?
If aliens were a real threat then limiting economic growth and energy production would not be a good strategy – rapidly expanding the economy with nuclear power, detection systems and space-based military technologies would be far more useful.

mark wagner
August 18, 2011 2:46 pm

When will people realize that due to the superincredinormus distances involved, the time required to travel such distances, and the amount of energy required to accelerate a spacecraft to any significant percentage of light speed (on the order of several sun’s worth of energy) the mathematical probability of any human EVER encountering an intelligent alien is exactly:
zero.

Archonix
August 18, 2011 2:47 pm

And yet any aliens that might be monitoring our atmosphere would only see the changes hundreds, if not thousands of years in the future (assuming then even live in our galaxy), by which time we’d probably be sufficiently advanced to fight them off. Or extinct, if the antis have their way…

Keith
August 18, 2011 2:48 pm

That’s beyond crazy, that’s flipping laugh-out-loud hilarious. These “scientists” who produced this must surely be satirists spoofing the whole CAGW movement?
To be fair, it seems that the entire exercise is one big what-if thought experiment, but trust the Grauniad to seize on the carbon cultist crackpot chunk and frame the paper as being more scientific rationale for puritanical eco-flagellation.

Dan
August 18, 2011 2:49 pm

Peer review passed the paper? It reads like an late night college bull session between sophomores that are avoiding real scholarship.

P Walker
August 18, 2011 2:49 pm

This is beyond merely climate craziness . This is full bore bat s__t craziness . Have they been talking to Paul Krugman ?

charles nelson
August 18, 2011 2:51 pm

When people talk about ‘cut backs’ on expenditure…wouldn’t stuff like this be a very good place to start!

Aynsley Kellow
August 18, 2011 2:52 pm

Appropriately, this brings virtual science right back to its origins – in the Drake Equation that underpins the SETI experiment. The late Michael Crichton was onto this, with his essay ‘Aliens Cause Global Warming.’ Life resembles art!!

Brian Johnson uk
August 18, 2011 2:52 pm

David Cameron will believe it – so will his cabinet!
Doh!

Lonnie E. Schubert
August 18, 2011 2:52 pm

Shark jumping alert!

DBD
August 18, 2011 2:52 pm

“I snap”
“I lose it”
“Flurry to the solar nexus”
It must be bad in AGW land and the Guardian has now slipped below the National Enquirer in terms of credibility.

August 18, 2011 2:53 pm

Penn State, uh? Suddenly, the double whitewash for Mann starts making sense

Editor
August 18, 2011 2:54 pm

Ah – at last a credulous explanation for the various mass-extinctions.
Dinosaurs succumbed to alien extermination because of the much higher CO2 and Methane levels caused by their breathing, belching and farting
Now I understand !!!

View from the Solent
August 18, 2011 2:55 pm

Weird. I clicked on WUWT and got http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/ instead. Looks like my browser’s been hijacked.

Bomber_the_Cat
August 18, 2011 2:57 pm

For those outside the UK, the Guardian is a left-wing ‘warmist’ newspaper which prides itself on having an online comment section called ‘Comment is Free’. And it is, unless you suggest that climate change may be natural; in which case you are ‘deleted’. So, comment is free, but speech isn’t.
I notice that this piece is written by someone called Ian Sample, who is described as their ‘Science Correspondent’. So much for the Guardian’s science then.
But this one really takes the biscuit. it shows that they are getting desperate. It’s enough to make a cat laugh.
“Whom the Gods would destroy, they first make mad”

Geoff C
August 18, 2011 2:57 pm

If aliens can detect any fingerprint of intelligent life on earth, it will be our electronics communications.

Binny
August 18, 2011 3:00 pm

If the person who wrote this is even allowed in the same building as real scientists. Then we really do have a HUGE problem!

Tom in Florida
August 18, 2011 3:01 pm

So thermonuclear explosions will not trigger this response from ET but a very tiny increase in a life giving trace gas will. Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. Perhaps ETs just hate plants.

August 18, 2011 3:02 pm

Wouldn’t it be funny if aliens destroyed our civilization to protect the Universe from ever reading The Grauniad?

Bomber_the_Cat
August 18, 2011 3:03 pm

“…and yet, across the gulf of space, minds immeasurably superior to ours regarded this earth with envious eyes, and slowly and surely, they drew there plans against us”
Meanwhile, in the Guardian newsroom, minds immeasurably inferior to ours wrote this.

rAr
August 18, 2011 3:03 pm

“Humanity may just now be entering the period in which its rapid civilizational expansion could be detected by an ETI because our expansion is changing the composition of Earth’s atmosphere (e.g. via greenhouse gas emissions), which therefore changes the spectral signature of Earth. While it is difficult to estimate the likelihood of this scenario, it should at a minimum give us pause as we evaluate our expansive tendencies.”
So, how many advanced alien civilizations are estimated to be located within one hundred thousand light years of earth?
Propagation delay — it’s a tough concept.
I think NASA could tolerate a few budget cuts.

Editor
August 18, 2011 3:03 pm

Hey, is the article really that bad? They do say it’s “unlikely” – like the IPCC says climate sensitivity is “unlikely” to be above 4.5. Seems to me the odds are about the same.

August 18, 2011 3:04 pm

WE ARE WATCHING YOU, YOU ARE ALL DOOOOOOMED! MWHAHAHA !

DJ
August 18, 2011 3:05 pm

As a proud member of the Union of Concerned Scientists, I am advocating everyone get a copy of Slim Whitman’s Indian Love Call and have it ready to play when we are invaded.
Nuckuler weapons are powerless against these alien forces, we must have at the ready the only known weapon that can destroy them in their tracks: Country Music.
I am also urging the UCS to put out an urgent bulletin that implores the males to learn jews harp, and females to learn to play the spoons. Small children should be given kazoos, and people of German extraction should make ready their accordions.
As an absolute last resort, and ONLY as a last resort, those few that are remaining should be encouraged to uncask the banjos. I just hope it doesn’t come down to that. (prepare them with aDF#AD tuning, boys)

August 18, 2011 3:05 pm

I, for one, welcome our new eco-friendly overlords.
Let’s face it, they’ve got to be better than the eco-friendly overlords we’re already putting up with.

DirkH
August 18, 2011 3:06 pm

About “Acta Astronautica”, Elsevier publication:
http://www.iafastro.net/?id=457
It’s a peer-reviewed publication.
http://www.elsevier.com/wps/find/journaldescription.cws_home/310/authorinstructions
“The system automatically converts source files to a single Adobe Acrobat PDF version of the article, which is used in the peer-review process. Please note that even though manuscript source files are converted to PDF at submission for the review process, these source files are needed for further processing after acceptance.”
So i think the publication of this paper is an important milestone for science: It proves beyond any reasonable doubt that you can publish any kind of drivel in a peer-reviewed journal as long as you believe in AGW.

Theo Goodwin
August 18, 2011 3:09 pm

Paranoia strikes deep
Into your heart it will creep
Begins when you are always afraid
Step out of line and the man comes and takes you away
My paraphrase of Buffalo Springfield. Paranoia with delusions is a serious mental illness.

vboring
August 18, 2011 3:12 pm

aliens may kills us because stories like this prove that we are mindless fools.

August 18, 2011 3:12 pm

wtf?
take us out early, vell that should have been after the toba supervolcano eruption some 70.000 years ago, just about 10.000 of us left after that one.
As for aliens detecting signs of intelligent life on earth, let’s just beam that “science” report out into space, it will clearly show that there isen’t any here…

Daniel M
August 18, 2011 3:14 pm

Just a guess, but the brainstorming session with Messrs Baum, Haqq-Misra, & Domagal-Goldman included one or more of the following:
Jaeger shots
box set of Star Trek TOS
someone fluent in Klingon
the statement “I can’t believe I’m getting grant money for this!”
Oh, BTW, Carl Sagan IS dead, so they might want to change the tense:
“Even Carl Sagan, who is usually quite optimistic about
ETI encounters, has expressed concern regarding ETI risks.”

BrianMcL
August 18, 2011 3:16 pm

I must remember this one the next time someone sounds off about the precautionary principle.

August 18, 2011 3:18 pm

Speaking as a lifelong science fiction fan, this crap isn’t science fiction at all. It just barely qualifies as fantasy.

Mark in Sandy Eggo
August 18, 2011 3:18 pm

Your tax dollars at work.

MJ
August 18, 2011 3:19 pm

I am so happy to know that my tax dollars are being spent on research about the big possible maybe that the “statistical probability extra-terrestrial” is possibly either nice and pleasant, don’t care hippies of green skin, or a legion of storm troopers that may be benevolent, helpful, or just angry. Of course, all of this is meaningless unless this was done a computer model.. oh wait.. it probably was.. except, the programmers used the climate models as a baseline and left in the CO2 knob. Someone obviously turned it on the “super high death warming mode” and with a few “hansen adjustments” made it into the paper…
Now, where did I put that photo torpedo? I at least found my light saber..

Wayne Ward (truthsword)
August 18, 2011 3:28 pm

As opposed to NASA working on space flight….

barking toad
August 18, 2011 3:29 pm

No wonder I drink
Have these kiddies been watching the Simpsons while inhaling the stuff Bill said he didn’t?

John M
August 18, 2011 3:31 pm

Acta Astronautica? Sounds more like Acta Astroretracta.

Scott Covert
August 18, 2011 3:31 pm

The Onion called, they want their “scientist” back.

Mike
August 18, 2011 3:34 pm

Time travel?
(Submitted on 22 Apr 2011 (v1), last revised 16 Aug 2011 (this version, v2))
http://arxiv.org/abs/1104.4462
[Full pdf here: http://arxiv.org/pdf/1104.4462v2 ~dbs, mod.]

August 18, 2011 3:34 pm

“Truly this is science fiction, and not the good kind.”
No. It isn’t.
Not even the bad kind.
I write science fiction. My readers expect the science part to have some basis in reality (even if only a theory not generally accepted, it has to be internally consistent). My readers will write and ask to see my numbers or references if they have difficulty with one of my plot elements (and unlike certain “climate researchers”, I will share that data) .
Suspension of disbelief is one thing. But… 1) aliens detect a 1-Earth mass planet, 2) at a range of multiple lightyears determine its “correct” temperature, 3) determine that temperature is rising dangerously (which we can’t do on site), 4) detect that the increase is SGW (sapiogenic global warming [grin]), 5) determine that makes humans a threat to other species lightyears away (hmm, better make that sapiogenic galactic warming instead), and 6) decide that the only way to stop the inevitable massacre is to… massacre the miscreants…
I wouldn’t touch it.
True, the idea has been used. But not in what I would call SF, and very poorly at that.

John From New Zealand
August 18, 2011 3:34 pm

They’re more likely to assume we’re a pack of dumb asses due to the blind faith in the AGW religion.

Bill Parsons
August 18, 2011 3:36 pm

Well, Penn State, for one, can welcome our big-headed overlords.

August 18, 2011 3:37 pm

OK.
So can we add “the threat of alien invasion” to the things that Global Warming can cause, then?

AndyG55
August 18, 2011 3:40 pm

EE Doc Smith, Simak, Hoyle, Heinlein, Azimov etc really have had a big influence on these guys.
Did they ever get past peer review ????

August 18, 2011 3:44 pm

I happen to think the premise of this paper has already come true.
We HAVE BEEN invaded by aliens who are trying to destroy our civilization, they’ve been among us since about the 70’s and they are disguised as Greens, or eco-nuts if you prefer.
Unless we wake up to this fact and cull these aliens, our societies will be taken back to subsistence level of development and our numbers cut back to a few hundred millions. 🙂

jonjermey
August 18, 2011 3:45 pm

Well, if you scrape the bottom of the barrel long enough, eventually you go right through.
“Warning, Will Robinson! Put out that fire!”

GaryP
August 18, 2011 3:45 pm

What is it with economists and now climate scientists that they have extraterrestrial aliens on the brain?
http://hotair.com/archives/2011/08/15/krugman-you-know-what-this-economy-needs-a-space-alien-invasion/

jimmi_the_dalek
August 18, 2011 3:46 pm

Actually it is science fiction – they nicked the ‘we must clean up our act’ idea from David Brin.

August 18, 2011 3:46 pm

I don’t think they’ll even bother with us: click
But if they do come, I’m sure they’ll be friendly.

Louis
August 18, 2011 3:48 pm

It must be wishful thinking. According to Paul Krugman of the New York Times, an alien invasion is just what we need to stimulate the economy and get Obama re-elected.
But why would advanced aliens bother to wipe us out when Global Warming is going to do it for them? Unless they don’t believe in Gore’s doomsday scenario, but then why would they consider us a threat? It doesn’t quite add up.

Christopher Hanley
August 18, 2011 3:49 pm
RockyRoad
August 18, 2011 3:50 pm

Couldn’t we just have the Mayor of Philadelphia unleash his flash mobs of pants-dragging, crack-displaying, tattoo-artsy flim flammers on these aliens? That’d repel them especially if these invaders stop by on a hot summer’s day!

manfredkintop
August 18, 2011 3:56 pm

This reeks of desperation. On all parts.

JEM
August 18, 2011 3:56 pm

Let’s see here – NASA and Penn State (that is, us) paid for this dreck, and the Grauniad gets to publish it so that everyone can laugh at America.

PaulH
August 18, 2011 3:56 pm

At least this takes my mind off of the bad news on the economy.
/sarc

PeterD
August 18, 2011 3:59 pm

Message to Galaxy Command from Earth Recon1: Cancel the invasion. They’ll send their scientists. We couldn’t cope.

August 18, 2011 4:06 pm

This frankly only deserves one response, especially after seeing this so soon after Krugman asserting that an alien invasion would save the economy:
Hahah. Hahahahahahahahahaha. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHA!!!
* takes breath *
HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Keema
August 18, 2011 4:06 pm

Ha Ha Ha! All your C02 are belong to us!!!

Bruce
August 18, 2011 4:07 pm

Oh wow! Peer reviewed too. Not even grey literature, this is a must include for Dr Pachauri’s AR5.

Jaypan
August 18, 2011 4:08 pm

Is that really worse than what the other alarmists are telling us?

John-X
August 18, 2011 4:08 pm

“Make this stuff up, you cannot.” – Yoda

manfredkintop
August 18, 2011 4:09 pm

“I imagine they might exist in massive ships … having used up all the resources from their home planet. Such advanced aliens would perhaps become nomads, looking to conquer and colonize whatever planets they can reach.” ~ Stephen Hawking from “into the Universe with Stephen Hawking”.
So, in other words, said aliens would not be scolding us for doing what they already have done. They would just go ahead and wipe us all out anyway…
I tend to agree with the acclaimed British physicist, as opposed to a Guardian article quoting Penn State and NASA “experts”.

clipe
August 18, 2011 4:09 pm

Twilight Zone musical theme or Doctor Who?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8NPJ6GMXM3E&feature=fvst

t stone
August 18, 2011 4:09 pm

Climate craziness of the freakin’ millennium. Words fail to describe the breadth and depth of paranoia here.
And yeah, that colossal change in the composition of the atmosphere would be such a red flag! I’m sure. /sarc

August 18, 2011 4:09 pm

And for another perspective on this discussion, try “The Everything Else Disaster Preparedness Plan” at http://www.breadandbutterscience.com/EEDPP.pdf

Joe Haberman
August 18, 2011 4:10 pm

If the government has enough money to fund this, the government has too much money.
Who’s up for a tax hike now?

erik sloneker
August 18, 2011 4:11 pm

I see this more as a reflection of their view of the intellectual capacity of the alarmist camp. As for aliens destroying modern civilization……that’s well under way. Take a glance at the demonic rioters savaging the our cities, then listen to their far left apologists.

Matt in Houston
August 18, 2011 4:12 pm

Efffing kidding me is right…
What a preposterous pile of bullsh!t. I have to say I nearly fell out of my chair when I read this…
These so called scientists that produced this rubbish should have their degrees run through a cross cutting shredder doused in gasoline and dropped in an incinerator just prior to having the ashes dispersed in the Arabian sea with Bin Laden’s foul remains. After that ceremony is complete they should publicly apologize for their colossal failures as scientists and then they should demand a refund for said so-called educations.
/rant off

crosspatch
August 18, 2011 4:12 pm

This is yet another piece of validation that the liberal world view is based on self-loathing. So an alien species would see us as bad and destroy us so that we don’t “damage” the rest of the neighborhood. The more years that go by the more I honestly believe that the liberal world view is based on personality disorder.
It would be very ironic if they were to view us as A: food or B: a rather pristine planet rich in resources that is infested with a rather poorly developed life form that could be relatively easily wiped out and the planet exploited for the resources while the life forms are farmed for food/fertilizer.
Maybe the aliens will be the bad guys. The liberal logic always twists “us” (be it our country, our culture, our race, whatever) to be “bad” and always reveres the alien culture or race or country. It is just plain nuts.

Al Coholic
August 18, 2011 4:15 pm

IgNobel Prize candidate, clearly. 🙂

August 18, 2011 4:15 pm

I wonder how this would play with the History Channel’s Ancient Aliens series?

Don Keiller
August 18, 2011 4:15 pm

This is beyond parody. But wait a sec- this is from “scientists” at Penn State, home of the great Professor Mann.
Nothing to see here, move along!

August 18, 2011 4:21 pm

Good God, these clowns are stupid beyond belief.
Are we sure this isn’t The Onion?

August 18, 2011 4:21 pm

“Read the entire paper here (PDF)”
=============================================
I tried. I almost clicked the link. I can’t. I just can’t. I want to. I just can’t. It would be great to have every time someone babbles about peer-reviewed being a proxy for validity…. or every time someone spews about how much smarter the expert scientists are, or any number of things. But I just can’t. I’ve had too much cerebral pornography to last me a lifetime…..this could possibly destroy my faith in humanity……. I just can’t…..

tallbloke
August 18, 2011 4:22 pm

Jer0me says:
August 18, 2011 at 3:37 pm
OK.
So can we add “the threat of alien invasion” to the things that Global Warming can cause, then?

Heh, certainly looks like a good entry for the warmlist.
http://www.numberwatch.co.uk/warmlist.htm

August 18, 2011 4:23 pm

Carl “Bear” Bussjaeger says:
August 18, 2011 at 3:34 pm
“Truly this is science fiction, and not the good kind.”
No. It isn’t.
Not even the bad kind.
I write science fiction. My readers expect the science part to have some basis in reality (even if only a theory not generally accepted, it has to be internally consistent).

On the other hand Carl, I suppose it might be possible that ET would invade us because our atmospheric CO2 level is rising and they want our CO2!
Probably not, but it makes just about as much sense.
🙂

Chris D.
August 18, 2011 4:24 pm

Who’s to say they couldn’t be chlorophyll-based life forms and the extra CO2 is what saved us by being deemed a beneficial species.

Luther Wu
August 18, 2011 4:27 pm

I am ecstatic! Yes, Indeedee!
I just love scarey stories- can’t get enough of ’em.
Way to go NASA! I knew you had it in you (these days.)

August 18, 2011 4:27 pm

At 3:40 PM on 18 August, AndyG55 had written:

EE “Doc” Smith, Simak, Hoyle, Heinlein, Asimov etc really have had a big influence on these guys.

Take not the names of our honored dead in vain, you, you mundane!
If any of the charlatans who’d authored this Acta Astrologica bumfodder had been real science fiction fen – readers of the work produced by Fred Hoyle, Robert A. Heinlein, “Doc” Smith, Isaac Asimov, or Clifford Simak – they would not have displayed the dearth of moral and intellectual integrity displayed in this spurious dollop of “research” published in a supposedly peer-reviewed scientific periodical.
Fans, Andy, are slans.

August 18, 2011 4:28 pm

Words fail me….

Kev-in-Uk
August 18, 2011 4:28 pm

John From New Zealand says:
August 18, 2011 at 3:34 pm
good point!
It would be pretty cool if they arrived in their spaceships and gave an ultimatum along the lines of..”all those who believe in AGW go to one side of the date line – all those who dont, go to the other, we know the answer and will settle the dispute once and for all” – Then after a week, they vaporize all those on one half of the planet and bugger off again, muttering something like – ‘right then, off to sort out another of the galaxies disputes..’……..
I wonder how many of the Team would stick with AGW once such a metaphorical ‘gun’ was pressed to their heads? I mean, I often wonder whether these guys really truly believe in their stuff or just believe in the tax dollars and funding they can screw out of the system? This is how cynical I have become, something I would never have dreamed of when I became hooked on scientific method and principles all those years ago…….

tallbloke
August 18, 2011 4:32 pm

I can see what these guys spent their research grant on.
Pass it over here lads.

Atomic Hairdryer
August 18, 2011 4:33 pm

Now I know why governments are so keen on distance charging. Aliens rock up with their invasion fleet, get clamped and presented with a bill for XXly @ $1/km. If they can’t pay, we end up confiscating their ships and owning their planets. Personally I’d suggest beaming out our TV and radio poses a bigger risk.

climatebeagle
August 18, 2011 4:34 pm

crosspatch> Maybe the aliens will be the bad guys.
No, they will be the good guys, coming to save earth by showing us the zero-CO2 energy generation technology in their nuclear powered ships. Then destroying us, when they realize [] we know about nuclear but refuse to use.
🙂

Harry Kal
August 18, 2011 4:34 pm

Well, the proof that intelligent lifeforms exist in the galaxy is the fact they did not come to visit us.
So relax.

R.S.Brown
August 18, 2011 4:36 pm

You’ll notice two of the paper’s authors are from Penn State… which currently
includes Mike Mann as one of their leading lights with his dergee in geology and
his stellar work in climate ??? hindcast/forecast modeling.
The AGW peer reviewed crowd has now introduced their own version of a
deus ex machina popular in old morality plays to save the day in
their never ending charade.
One can only hope Al Gore incorporates this theme in his presentations.
He always was a stand-up comedian type of guy.

rbateman
August 18, 2011 4:36 pm

Alternate reality stuff. Great plot for a B-movie with subpar lines and overbearing acting.
If Space Aliens really did come by this place, they would soon realize that there’s no welcome mat. They’d blow it off and keep right on trekking. They certainly wouldn’t be sharing any of thier advanced technology with a bunch of madcap governments and crazed leadership.
“Nothing to see down there, move the fleet along”.
That’s is they could get here.
More likely some government or big entity would try to pull off a Piltdown UFO visit, claiming to have been chosen to rule the world.

KevinK
August 18, 2011 4:37 pm

Wait just a cotton picking minute, I thought the heat was TRAPPED here, how do the aliens detect it from light years away ?????????
Can they detect the previously undiscovered MISSING HEAT rays ?????

Bob in Castlemaine
August 18, 2011 4:37 pm

Just how desperate are these carpetbaggers?
And no doubt, “much more research is required if we are to complete the picture”.

August 18, 2011 4:40 pm

This “work” should be submitted for the 100 metre facepalm in the Olympics.
I woke all my housemates up laughing at this so hard, I think I’ll be getting to sleep tonight by knocking myself unconscious with the corresponding facepalm.

Alan Watt
August 18, 2011 4:41 pm

Anthony: we need a way to vote for our favourite “Climate Craziness” story. Then post the monthly and yearly winners. Gems like this should not be buried.

August 18, 2011 4:43 pm

Just when I thought that these loopy rent seekers have “Jumped The Shark”, they set the bar higher and add some velocity. What could be next? Zeus returns from high on Olympus and strikes us all with lightning bolts? The Klingons armed with Batlifs maraud through the countryside? And this was peer reviewed? How the !@#$%^&* did that happen?

Rational Debate
August 18, 2011 4:44 pm

That NASA and even that a University would put their names to something like this is utterly disgraceful. Personally, I’d like to know if they had any funding for this (and of course, the source), and if it was developed and written during work hours for NASA at least – e.g., on the taxpayer dime. I assume Penn State is a public univ, but don’t know if that means their staff salaries are only state supported or if they’d be partially federally funded as well. I suppose to be fair I ought to read the actual paper first, but just the fact that the media can come up with this sort of story about it makes me wish we could strip the credentials of the ‘scientists’ who wrote the study (and maybe even look at those who taught them!) – and any involved who’s salaries ARE courtesy of taxpayers ought to be fired, asap.
Reply to: mark wagner says: August 18, 2011 at 2:46 pm
Mark, Mark, Mark! Are you behind the times or what? Don’tcha know that those aliens will just use their choice of technologies such as ‘faster than light,’ hyperdrive, space folding, wormholes, stargates, or the like? Need the power of a sun? No problem, them aliens – er, I mean, sentient beings originating from a planet other than Earth – they’ll learned how to create and harness such power long ago, no problem! Get with the times there, Mark!
Reply to: vboring says: August 18, 2011 at 3:12 pm

aliens may kills us because stories like this prove that we are mindless fools.

Too true! And the benevolent helpful ones will pass us by for the same reason. My back of the envelope calculation shows conclusively that vboring’s hypothesis (above) is 10.14159e6 times more probable than the aliens killing us because of CO2 increase in our atmosphere /sarc.

tom s
August 18, 2011 4:50 pm

If this isn’t satire these people are seriously sick. Fools all.

Dale
August 18, 2011 5:00 pm

I’m going to invoke a warmist refute:
“I can’t believe this got published.”
What’s more worrying, the fact this got published, or the fact someone in the Grants office approved the application!

Randy
August 18, 2011 5:02 pm

As an analytical chemist, I am impressed with the alien technology that produced the detector that can delineate the spectral shift from a couple ppm of CO2 from xyz # of light years away. I’d love to patent that sucker!!
I’m loving the ratcheting up of the desperation of the fraudsters though. Truly hilarious.

Luis Dias
August 18, 2011 5:02 pm

Its so down below (this comment) that I’m sure no one is gonna read it, but there is a very simple argument that states that this particular theory (CO2 is dangerous coz aliens) is simply ridiculous:
We’ve been radiating radiowaves since the thirties. And those are a LOT more loud than the trace gases fluctuations.
So the cat’s out of the proverbial bag already. If there are aliens “out to get us” we are doomed already.

Harry Kal
August 18, 2011 5:03 pm

By the time they spotted this and come over to destroy us it will not be necessary any more because see levels will have risen so high we all are drowned anyway.
Or our sun has already changed into a red giant and has engulfed earth with it.
Except offcourse if they invented timewarp and be here on time to rescue us from Penn State and M. Man.

Theo Goodwin
August 18, 2011 5:07 pm

BrianMcL says:
August 18, 2011 at 3:16 pm
“I must remember this one the next time someone sounds off about the precautionary principle.”
Excellent! It is equivalent to Pascal’s Wager (at least the version explained in William James’ “The Will to Believe” (1896)).

cuckoo
August 18, 2011 5:09 pm

Further to DJ’s comments, about a mile overhead, if the banjos fail, we’ll have no option but to go to the Doomsday scenario…bagpipes. And may God have mercy on us all.

Theo Goodwin
August 18, 2011 5:09 pm

What if the aliens come and offer to buy the technology that would permit them to raise the Global Average Temperature of their planet?

Leon Brozyna
August 18, 2011 5:10 pm

Message from Galactic Central:
While monitoring the human species and especially their homeworld for the past 5 million years, we grow concerned of late regarding recent events. We are, therefore, instituting a quarantine of the human planetary system.to keep this disease of bizarre stupidity from spreading to other, more promising, sentient species. We remain hopeful that rational intelligence will once more emerge as a distinguishing characteristic of the human species. We are patient and will see what the next dozen millennia or so hold.
Until then ….
****background chatter**** …preemptive strike indeed … you’d think they were still climbing trees and scampering through the grasses … ****signal ends****

Theo Goodwin
August 18, 2011 5:14 pm

Where is R. Gates’ comment? I searched on his name. I want to hear his explanation of the quality of this article in light of the fact that it was peer-reviewed.

August 18, 2011 5:14 pm

Well, this is a direct continuation of the old 1950-1989 sci-fi theme. Before 1989, when writers and publishers took their orders directly from Moscow, the aliens were trying to stop Americans from using nuclear weapons.
Since 1989, writers and publishers are still enemy saboteurs, but now their orders come from Beijing. China wants to destroy American industry, doesn’t care much about American weapons.
Thus the aliens have shifted their focus to satisfy Chinese goals.

Ursus Augustus
August 18, 2011 5:14 pm

If you wanted proof that these guys at Penn State and NASA might quite not know what they are talking about, Cowboys and Aliens has just hit the big screen! What on earth was in the popcorn? Did the theatre serve Kool Ade? Free!?

MrX
August 18, 2011 5:22 pm

I have tears from laughing so hard! OMG!!! This is a great B-movie scifi idea. The killer is that they’re gonna have to borrow your van to get back to their spaceship.

pat
August 18, 2011 5:24 pm

Fox has it, and says it’s “thought-provoking”:
18 Aug: Fox Memphis: Experts Release ET Invasion Scenarios
They speculate that extraterrestrial environmentalists could be so appalled by our planet-polluting ways that they view us as a threat to the intergalactic ecosystem and decide to destroy us.
The thought-provoking scenario is one of many envisaged in a joint study by Penn State and the NASA Planetary Science Division, entitled “Would Contact with Extraterrestrials Benefit or Harm Humanity? A Scenario Analysis.”…
http://www.myfoxmemphis.com/dpps/news/offbeat/experts-release-et-invasion-scenarios-dpgonc-20110818-ch_14624398
Discovery has it, analyses it and says “we need studies like this”. also links to the Guardian article.
18 Aug: Discovery: To Save the Galaxy, Destroy Humanity
Analysis by Ian O’Neill
Needless to say, all these scenarios are completely constructed from human experience — any study into the hypothetical nature of ETI will have a heavy anthropocentric bias. What if we encounter an alien civilization whose intentions are completely baffling? What if we can’t decide whether their intentions will be positive, negative or neutral?
Well, I suppose that’s why we need studies like this.
http://news.discovery.com/space/save-the-galaxy-destroy-humanity-110818.html
weep.

JC
August 18, 2011 5:24 pm

These yahoos are working on their Phd’s at Penn. They are probably a couple of geeks that run around speaking klingon. You notice all the movie and scifi book references. They even managed a Star Trek reference. I wouldn’t take this too seriously.
JC

August 18, 2011 5:29 pm

JohnWho says:
August 18, 2011 at 4:23 pm
On the other hand Carl, I suppose it might be possible that ET would invade us because our atmospheric CO2 level is rising and they want our CO2!

Sell ’em Venus.

Harry Kal
August 18, 2011 5:30 pm

On the other hand: why not have Penn. State and M Mann have all the funding they need.
Just for the fun of it.
This is better than the Muppet Show.

Chris
August 18, 2011 5:31 pm

By what merit does this stuff need a scientific peer review? Is it just because it comes from a university? because honestly, i see no science here…just fiction. I can write fiction like this too…but it wouldnt be peer reviewed or published..

Paul Irwin
August 18, 2011 5:31 pm

stimulus money. priceless.

Latitude
August 18, 2011 5:34 pm

Theo Goodwin says:
August 18, 2011 at 5:14 pm
Where is R. Gates’ comment? I searched on his name. I want to hear his explanation of the quality of this article in light of the fact that it was peer-reviewed.
======================================================================
needs repeating……………………..
So they are supposed to think we trashed the planet…..
….and their solution is to blow it up
………………………………………….42

John W
August 18, 2011 5:42 pm

DirkH says:
So i think the publication of this paper is an important milestone for science: It proves beyond any reasonable doubt that you can publish any kind of drivel in a peer-reviewed journal as long as you believe in AGW.

Sadly, too true!

BrianMcL says:
August 18, 2011 at 3:16 pm
I must remember this one the next time someone sounds off about the precautionary principle.

Yep, a “planetary defense tax” (levied on all developed countries) and a “planetary defense force” with total authority is obviously required; just in case.

Dave Springer
August 18, 2011 5:43 pm

Somone call SETI and have them scratch Penn State off the list of places to search for intelligent life.

Knoviz11
August 18, 2011 5:46 pm

Why isn’t this in PNAS?

August 18, 2011 5:46 pm

The picture should have the Goracle instead of Jack Nickolson since the Goracle has 2 large houses, one with a heated pool in Nashville where he apparentley consumes 10 times more power than average Tennessian. He also has a 100 foot houseboat with 2 jet skis. And he jets all over the world instead of hanging out with that masuese in Portland and saving fuel but using a lot of (baby) oil.
The Goracle should be reordained as the Vice Hypocrite and Chief.

Luther Wu
August 18, 2011 5:47 pm

All of this must just be whimsical farce, written tongue- in- cheek to have a good laugh at the expense of all who would take them seriously.
Right?
Come on, NASA, Penn State… right?

TimM
August 18, 2011 5:47 pm

To Serve Mann . . .

pat
August 18, 2011 5:48 pm

guess it is one of those days!
18 Aug: Statesman: AP: Seth Borenstein: Study: Species moving away from global warming faster
north much faster than they were less than a decade ago, a new study says.
About 2,000 species examined are moving away from the equator at an average rate of more than 15 feet per day, about a mile per year, according to new research published Thursday in the journal Science which analyzed previous studies…
“The more warming there’s been in an area, the more you would expect a species to move, and the more they have moved,” said study main author Chris Thomas, a biologist at the University of York.
“The speed is an important issue,” he said. “It is faster than we thought.”…
As the temperatures soared in the 2000s, the species studied moved faster to cooler places, Parmesan (Camille Parmesan, an ecologist at the University of Texas at Austin) said…
http://www.statesman.com/news/nation/study-species-moving-away-from-global-warming-faster-1761154.html

August 18, 2011 5:51 pm

Of course space aliens exist — my model told me so. It produces gremlins too.
Since this is peer reviewed science, this is a prime candidate for inclusion in the next IPCC Assessment’s Summary for Policymakers.

Robert M
August 18, 2011 5:55 pm

rpercifield says:
August 18, 2011 at 4:43 pm
Just when I thought that these loopy rent seekers have “Jumped The Shark”, they set the bar higher and add some velocity. What could be next? Zeus returns from high on Olympus and strikes us all with lightning bolts? The Klingons armed with Batlifs maraud through the countryside? And this was peer reviewed? How the !@#$%^&* did that happen?
———————————————————————————————————————————
Dude(et):
Stop giving them ideas!!!

Laurie
August 18, 2011 5:56 pm

Theo Goodwin says:
August 18, 2011 at 5:14 pm
Where is R. Gates’ comment?
R. Gates is busily pouring over old AGU presentations to see if he can find supporting evidence.
And they laugh at me because I believe in a loving God who gave us some rules to live by, in order to enjoy happier lives. How stupid of me. It’s clearly Aliens who judge and damn us.

Ursus Augustus
August 18, 2011 5:57 pm

This stuff belongs on some TV comedy about nerds, Big Bang Theory or such. The proposition is so far extrapolated from reality that one has to wonder about the intelligence of the author’s. I Googled the three of them and they are peas in a pod it would seem. 40 years ago you would dismiss these guys as acid heads but they are too young. Are the effects of LSD inheritable? Their paper presents compelling evidence that it may be, more compelling than the fantasy it sets out.
Do they have tenure? Does Penn State have ivory towers or are they just cheap plastic imitations? ( For ethical reasons of course.)
Must go now. I have a life to get on with. It is nice to start the day with a giggle though. Thankyou Andrew.

DanDaly
August 18, 2011 5:59 pm

The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy was a better story. It’s a lot easier for me to believe that alien civilizations would wipe out Earth because of a civil engineering bureaucratic foul-up, than to believe that an alien civilization capable of interstellar travel decide to destroy Earth because it discovered that it is a greenhouse with fluctuating greenhouse gases. I would think a space-faring species would consider that a rare find. Unless it had something against the color green. As the chief sentient indigenous species of Earth we might have some negotiating to do to keep what we have. But, then, it’s not like we haven’t had experience negotiated unequal treaties. So, for now, I’ll keep carrying my towel and hope the bureaucrats don’t destroy Earth.

pat
August 18, 2011 6:02 pm

Belief in AGW addles the mind.
Clearly there is a link between AGW alarmists and fantasists, And not in a good way. This impacts on their work and their scientific capability. And note it is always the taxpayer who is stuck with these loons. In private industry they would be as useful as tits on a bull.

August 18, 2011 6:03 pm

Wow,
If there was no such thing as climate scientists, you’d have to make them up. Desperation doesn’t even begin to describe it.

HankH
August 18, 2011 6:03 pm

Humanity may just now be entering the period in which its rapid civilizational expansion could be detected by an ETI because our expansion is changing the composition of Earth’s atmosphere (e.g. via greenhouse gas emissions), which therefore changes the spectral signature of Earth.

We’ve been transmitting radio signals since 1906, television since 1926, our continents light up at night (need I mention the 42.3 billion candlepower light atop of the Las Vegas Luxor casino), in credible bursts of energy from atomic bombs, and a whole bunch of other obvious clues we’ve been giving off long before global warming and and these scientists think a small increase in CO2 finally tipped them off?
If the ETI’s knew the scientists who wrote this brilliant piece thought they were so stupid, they would be the first into the stewpot.
To serve “Mann” – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NIufLRpJYnI

Merovign
August 18, 2011 6:07 pm

This is a near-record-setting winner in the categories of “dumb” and “self-serving.”
It essentially assumes that aliens would share values with the people in question, and then uses that assumption to build a case for political action.
Any one of use could make exactly the same argument with equal force on any topic you could think of.
That someone thought it was worthy of actually publishing is a little frightening, in terms of “people that thoughtless getting paid (probably) more than I do…”

H.R.
August 18, 2011 6:07 pm

cuckoo says:
August 18, 2011 at 5:09 pm
“Further to DJ’s comments, about a mile overhead, if the banjos fail, we’ll have no option but to go to the Doomsday scenario…bagpipes. And may God have mercy on us all.”
==================================================
Country & Western played on bagpipes?
Talk about your cruel and unusual punishment! Whatever happened to alien rights?
Wasn’t there something about alien rights in the preamble to the Constitution?

—long time lurker—
August 18, 2011 6:08 pm

IPCC—the Inter Planetary Climate Committee—will come down on us not so ordinary earthlings. Face the death ray or pay “one million dollars” not US dollars please. It’s not extortion—it’s a tax.

Editor
August 18, 2011 6:09 pm

Humanity may just now be entering the period in which its rapid civilizational expansion could be detected by an ETI

Oh man, that’s such a relief, all the financial markets are moaning about the chance of a global recession. Maybe that will buy us some time unless the Vogon Constructor Fleet comes through first.
Hey Anthony, what is category GLOC? Is that better than ridiculae? http://www.abbreviations.com/GLOC isn’t very helpful (Guardian Life Of the Caribbean, Gorgeous Ladies Of Comedy, Ground Line Of Communication).
First used for http://wattsupwiththat.com/2009/10/03/the-copenhagen-treaty-draft-wealth-transfer-defined-now-with-dignity-penalty/

David Falkner
August 18, 2011 6:10 pm

Holy crap.

RoHa
August 18, 2011 6:11 pm

This was the plot of the crappy remake of The Day the Earth Stood Still.
When scientists start offering this stuff up as actual science, WE ARE DOOMED.

1DandyTroll
August 18, 2011 6:11 pm

Uhm, little green men come from Mars? o_0
And Mars is warming faster an earth.
Pfft, so who cares if the might be aliens attack Mars or carbon dioxide Venus. At least we’d get a “premonition” and would be able to act accordingly as in eradicating all the might be god damn aliens, ha. :p

Don Straitiff
August 18, 2011 6:15 pm

As a Penn State grad (BSME 1982) I find this more than a little upsetting. I ceased contributions to the institution some time ago, but this is simply humiliating. I feel this personally cheapens my educational credentials. A degree from Penn State used to command respect from almost all circles. Association with Mann has been bad enough. Now this.

Bruce Cobb
August 18, 2011 6:26 pm

“”Green” aliens might object to the environmental damage humans have caused on Earth and wipe us out to save the planet. “”
This is pure psychological projection on their part. It is the greenie eco-whackos who, ultimately, believe “the planet” would be far better off without us evil humans. It is the ultimate greenie megalomanic fantasy to see or have a hand in destroying mankind for the betterment of “the planet”.

J. Felton
August 18, 2011 6:30 pm

It’s tottally true!
Theres gonna be space battles, buildings exploding, Will Smith will be a pilot who tries to save the world from alien invaders….
Oh, wait, that’s the movie ” Independence Day.”

Chris Smith
August 18, 2011 6:34 pm

OMG, I never thought of that! I will go out and buy a hybrid car today to fight off those nasty Aliens who now scientists believe both exist and hate us, scientists say.
What about God? He might look down from the heavens and smite us for causing all those Polar Bears to drown, scientists say. Using the logic of the paper, I will buy 100 hybrid cars and run them 24/7 to please God.
[/sarc]
The phrase “, scientists say” is like “may”, “might”, “could”. It has no place in a scientific discussion.

August 18, 2011 6:36 pm

An interesting commentary at NASA Watch:

Keith’s note: (Sigh) This article is prominently featured on the Drudge Report with the title of “NASA REPORT: Aliens may destroy humanity to protect other civilizations…”. This is not a “NASA report”. Nor does the Guardian article accurately describe the paper’s content and conclusions. Alas, NASA will probably just allow this latest misperception/mischaracterization to linger (along with all the other urban myths, faulty analyses, etc) with no response – at least none until it is too late to really make any difference

Ian L. McQueen
August 18, 2011 6:37 pm

Sounds like the LGM* principle in operation.
Ian
*Little Green Men

Tom in Florida
August 18, 2011 6:41 pm

I guess this is why aliens are referred to as “little green men”.

Gary Hladik
August 18, 2011 6:42 pm

TheGoodLocust says (August 18, 2011 at 2:45 pm): “Um…..sounds like the plot to The Day the Earth Stood Still.”
That was my first thought, too, i.e. the 2008 ecologically correct version (with Keanu Reeves as “Klaatu”), not the 1951 politically correct entry featuring Michael Rennie. I was suitably amused until it occurred to me that Klaatu may already be among us; I’ve actually seen his super robot, Al Gort!
Lest anyone think we can avoid our fate by being “good”, note that virtue is just as likely to get us killed:

J. Felton
August 18, 2011 6:43 pm

The truth may be out there, but it sure ain’t in Penn. State.
(Ok, I’ll stop, cause I got a million of these jokes.)

Robert of Ottawa
August 18, 2011 6:48 pm

Global warming causes alien invasion. Yes, definately one for the Numberwatch list. I would larf if weren’t so criminally stupid.

Greg Bone
August 18, 2011 6:50 pm

Just want to clarify a point on what is required to achieve the speed of light. The sun accelerates several tons of matter every second to the speed of light in the form of photons. – and matter is energy and you don’t need several suns worth of energy to accelerate something to the speed of light.

Grant
August 18, 2011 6:55 pm

I’ve got my pair of old Klipsch Hereseys pointed towards the sky and my Slim Whitman records cued up. I’m ready for the little green bastards, by god.
If they’re gonna be that pissed off about co2, think of what they’ll do when they find out some of the other things we’ve done. Quick, hide the history books…..

mark wagner
August 18, 2011 6:58 pm

@ Pat 5:48
How, exactly, does a frog know to move 15 ft north every day? Is not the temperature 15 ft north, south, east and west exactly the same temperature as “home?” What would encourage the frog to move? And how would said frog know which direction (north) would be “cooler?” Inquiring minds want to know….
@ Rational Debate 4:44
Thanks for setting me straight. I didn’t realize that my thought processes were so far divorced from…uhm… “reality.” Or something.

Steve from Rockwood
August 18, 2011 7:00 pm

This goes along with my theory that NASA has been infiltrated by aliens. Ah, and never apologize for using craptastic in a sentence. I just added it to my WordPress dictionary.

dp
August 18, 2011 7:01 pm

I wonder if we can start a charitable fund to help these “scientists” get the help they need and to refund any grant monies that may have gone into their education. No reason this story can’t have a happy ending.

August 18, 2011 7:04 pm

Greg Bone,
Obviously you’ve been keeping up with the latest and best research over at http://timecube.com/

Steve from Rockwood
August 18, 2011 7:05 pm

And of course if aliens did reach Earth they would entirely stay away from humans who can’t even agree on the temperature of their own planet.

August 18, 2011 7:09 pm

I hear the theme music from The Twilight Zone in my head . . .

Editor
August 18, 2011 7:11 pm

After reviewing the drivel on broadcast TV, I’m sure the aliens will conclude there is no intelligent life on earth. Gilligan’s Island may have unintentionally saved humanity.

AlexS
August 18, 2011 7:13 pm

Ignobel for Nasa!

RockyRoad
August 18, 2011 7:15 pm

“I imagine they might exist in massive ships … having used up all the resources from their home planet. Such advanced aliens would perhaps become nomads, looking to conquer and colonize whatever planets they can reach.” ~ Stephen Hawking from “into the Universe with Stephen Hawking”.

So let me get this straight, Mr. Hawking–you’re saying these aliens exist in massive ships, so they’ve obviously got the technology to build on a grand scale and get said structures launched and across immense distances, meaning they’re very technologically advanced. They must know how to obtain and refine metals like iron to make steel, as well as aluminum, from their home planet. If their home planet is anything like Earth (elemental composition: iron (32.1%), oxygen (30.1%), silicon (15.1%), magnesium (13.9%), sulfur (2.9%), nickel (1.8%), calcium (1.5%), and aluminium (1.4%); with the remaining 1.2% consisting of trace amounts of other elements) certainly they’d have a VAST resource base (“bazillions of tons doesn’t even come close”) from which to build their space ships, their cities, their industrial complexes WITHOUT having to fly half way across the galaxy, spending hundreds if not thousands of years in the journey, just to pick on little ol’ Earth without having first gobbled up some extremely metal-rich meteoriods along the way.
No, Mr. Hawking, you’re brilliant in your chosen field but I’m afraid what you’d said above is laughable for the reasons I’ve stated. (Apparently, Mr. Hawking isn’t the only one out of his depth on this one. He’s apparently joined by Messers Baum, Haqq-Misra, and Domagal-Goldman and all their “peer reviews”, too.)

Mike A.
August 18, 2011 7:15 pm

I reckon I have seen that face on the right side of the picture (at gunpoint) before. Isn’t that guy… James Hansen?

philincalifornia
August 18, 2011 7:15 pm

Any alien life form that could detect this would have, pretty much by definition, reached the Kurzweil Singularity. Since time stops there, I doubt that they would give a flying **** what we are up to – other than for comedic value.

Rhoda Ramirez
August 18, 2011 7:23 pm

This pretty well puts paid to the idea that “Peer Review” is some sort of gold standard doesn’t it.

Olen
August 18, 2011 7:24 pm

They have entered loony bin territory. All I can think of is net.

Alex
August 18, 2011 7:27 pm

These guys must be sceptics out to ridicule the agw crowd.

August 18, 2011 7:33 pm

Imagine: Aliensare flying by and catch an Al Gore rant. They completely stop their flight and see that Earth science is bogged down with this meme. They send a message to over all transmission modes: “We also used to believe in the same garbage science and it cost us 100 years of progress over disease, famine, and technological advances. Run away from these kooks!”

Physics Major
August 18, 2011 7:40 pm

Classic projection. They want to kill us (No Pressure), so they figure the little green guys will too.
What idiots.

Robert of Ottawa
August 18, 2011 7:44 pm

When we first go to other solar systems, I hope our people carry thermo-nuclear weapons, just in case. And, if they encounter alians, the first question that needs to be answered is “are they carrying thermo-nuclear weapons?”

Robert of Ottawa
August 18, 2011 7:53 pm

Craptastic. Someone should inform the Oxford Dictionary people about this wonderful new word.

RS
August 18, 2011 7:53 pm

The self-hatred toward humanity shown by liberals and greens is a serious issue.
I would suggest, as a mental illness, it’s a reason to excuse oneself from public discourse.

Dave Worley
August 18, 2011 7:53 pm

Another good reason that we need to establish a base on the moon. We can send these scientists to “keep a lookout for the aliens”. Just make sure the real astronauts don’t have to bunk with them.

observa
August 18, 2011 7:55 pm

Well honestly I don’t find this scientific peer-reviewed research in the least bit surprising because clearly these aliens already walk and talk among us and are hell bent on destroying our civilisation. Wake up and smell these aliens deniers! To the naked eye they appear just like you and I but beneath their external subterfuge these intergalactic chameleons are very dangerous green aliens. Be alert and once detected always approach them with extreme caution as they’re known devourers of grey matter and will latch on and suck your sweetbreads dry if you drop your guard and get too close to any of them. An excruciating, hallucinogenic and agonising death as the Big Bang slowly fades with a whimper.

Dave Worley
August 18, 2011 8:00 pm

….or maybe they’re just setting us up so they can say something like:
It’s about time you get the joke…..we were just kidding all along about this Global Warming Stuff……you mean you thought we were serious?

August 18, 2011 8:05 pm

Robert of Ottawa,
Any aliens capable of visiting the Earth are far, far ahead of us technologically. And as Arthur C. Clarke said, any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.
If, at the beginning of the industrial revolution only 150 years ago, a U.S. nuclear powered aircraft carrier had appeared, it could easily have destroyed the entire world’s wooden ship navies, and capitals, no problem.
If an alien entity appeared here, it would be much more advanced than the example given above. Thus, we are totally at the mercy of any advanced entity. It’s entirely their call.
But we can make plans to deflect continent-threatening asteroids, using only a tiny part of all the monies wasted on the CAGW scam.

August 18, 2011 8:08 pm

They would have performed better research if they had just gone through back issues of Astounding/Analog Magazine from 1940 to 1970…

August 18, 2011 8:16 pm

How about an alien preemptive strike on Penn State and NASA GISS. Save us all the trouble.

Mark Hladik
August 18, 2011 8:25 pm

Was that James Hansen, playing the part of the Soviet ambassador?

August 18, 2011 8:31 pm

At 8:08 PM, Casey writes:

They would have performed better research if they had just gone through back issues of Astounding/Analog Magazine from 1940 to 1970…

Maybe in one of Christopher Anvil‘s humorous stories. But in the rest of John W. Campbell‘s Astounding/Analog? Not even in that editor’s most profoundly “Dean Drive” and Dianetics periods of nuttiness.

Mac the Knife
August 18, 2011 8:34 pm

As a science fiction story line, this NASA/Penn State global warming plot doesn’t even merit as low B-grade schlock. The aliens are more likely to applaud us for adding desperately needed and essential CO2 plant food to our atmosphere, demonstrating constructive and beneficial humanity as an excellent steward of our beautiful planet earth!
OK…. maybe that’s a little bit schlocky also, but I’m a ‘glass is more than half full, with good sipping liquor’ kinda guy!

rjm385
August 18, 2011 8:42 pm

I have to wonder from the article that if that’s the best we can do in the thinking department those Aliens would simply step on us and keep on going.
Your Tax dollar at work… surprised there isn’t another Nobel prize in there somewhere. After all Al Gore got one for his scence fiction.
Keep moving nothing to see here.

rbateman
August 18, 2011 8:45 pm

Farmers from Outer Space. They came in green suits, they looked so nice and smiled a lot.
They promised utopia, plenty to eat, easy money, free healthcare, plenty of nifty gadgets and
the life of Riley.
Nobody recognized them, until they began harvesting. By then, it was too late.
The remnants hid in caves, and painted pictures of the game they hunted when the Aliens were away transporting more of the harvested. Oh, we forgot to tell you….they were last seen 14,000 years ago. They went into suspended animation in the Antarctic and Greenland, waiting for the next big melt.
Something went wrong during the Younger Dryas, and their reanimation mechanism malfunctioned due to a virus planted by infiltrating humans posing as harvest collaborators.
Lately, there have been strange stirring deep in the vast expanses under the Antarctic Ice Cap. Greenland too. Some strange cores from the bedrock there are raising eyebrows. As usual, the institutions sit on the findings, keeping them hidden. But, all that is about to change. Thier reanimation is being triggered by the opposite conditions: the end of the Interglacial. Ancient texts recently discovered have fallen into the wrong hands: They plan on selling us to the Alien Harvesters in exchange for spacecraft technology.
They’re coming.
/ end script
Got cave?

Manfred
August 18, 2011 8:52 pm

Another, perhaps more realistic possibility would be that Aliens destroy Pennstate and NASA for defamatory statements about them.

Rick Bradford
August 18, 2011 8:57 pm

If five drug-crazed fools sat in a laboratory for 10 days to come up with the dumbest possible AGW story, they couldn’t come close to this.
It must be a hoax.

Barry Day
August 18, 2011 9:04 pm

Here’s some information that may help people see the reality of our past.
The truth which can stand on its own.
Gods are an extraterrestrial race of beings.
Barbara Joy O’Brien – Co-author of ‘Genius of the Few’
http://www.goldenageproject.org.uk/videoBJOB.php
Exposing the Lost City of ENKI
http://jewels2012ascend.blogspot.com/2011/01/discovering-oldest-manmade-structure-on.html
by Angelique Serrao
July 14, 2008
from WendagForums Website
A stone calendar that is apparently older than 75 000 years has been discovered in Mpumalanga.
Adam’s Calendar – as it has been named by the two South Africans who discovered the find – is reportedly the oldest man-made structure on Earth. This astonishing claim, which could set the scientific world in a spin, has been made in a picture book which is being released worldwide on Monday.
————————-
http://www.squidoo.com/ufo-coverups
UFO Quotes from Presidents, Astronauts, Senior Military and more. UFO Cover Up? These people say YES.
————————-
People need to get out of species adolescence and become eager and ready for alien society because it’s plain to see they( Jesus,Enki,EA plan to keep their promise of return to be our savior from the comming destruction.
Once you understand Gods are an extraterrestrial race of beings and get past the primitive concept of “God” and understand why the Gods left all those carvings in stone was for those of us who are enlightened enough to read and understand them, as they cannot be altered, unlike the Bible.
Yet there are those who still swear by the Bible, in any of its myriad versions, as the revealed word of their “God” have to ignore or deny the clear fact that the Old Testament was a skewed and forged theo-political rewrite of a far more ancient document, the Enuma Elish, dating from at least Sumeria, which was not theological at all.
—————————–
China, Belgium, Spain, Chile, Uruguay and and now Mexico have officially acknowledged the alien presence
—————————–
ENUMA ELISH
http://www.mindspring.com/~mysticgryphon/enuma.htm
——————————
What else other than a space craft can the “fiery chariot” is,which is described so vividly in the “Book of Ezekiel”were?
“Third Book of Enoch” that the Lord kept his “Shekinah” at the entrance of the Garden of Eden until the days of Enoch when he abruptly left for his heavenly
abode,
The Anunnaki-Sumerian (gods?) are the same as the Greek/Roman and Egyptian, and some also in other cultures… just with different names. ie. Enki/Ea/Ptah, Ningishzidda/Thoth/Quetzalcoatl, Enlil/Yahweh.
Once you read a bit on the subject you will soon come to realise that the Anunnaki were/are real flesh and blood individuals capable of prolonging their life-span indefinately.
“The Truth About Enki”
http://www.redicecreations.com/article.php?id=5247
THE TURTH ABOUT ENKI by John F. Winston
http://www.subgenius.com/bigfist/bulldada/X0011_JWHIST.html
Messages From Enki: Humanity’s Father
http://www.enkispeaks.com/Essays/11Enki&NinmahMakeGirlsTillSheCurses_2.html
http://www.neilfreer.com/SRINDEXPAGE.html
WHITE PAPERS
Sapiens Rising: Beyond The Babel Factor
Exponential Evolution: A Manual For Futants
The Alien Question: An Expanded Perspective
Zen In The Art Of Spiritual Machine Maintenance
Genetic Exploration: An Expanded Perspective
————————
Those who from heaven came down and made the Garden of Eden at Eridu
http://www.goldenageproject.org.uk/videoBJOB.php
—————————————————
Eridu photos from british museum
http://tinyurl.com/24z44u2
http://www.britishmuseum.org/the_museum/museum_in_the_world/middle_east_programme/iraq_project/eridu_photos/page_1.aspx
————————-
Everything you Know is Wrong
Lloyd Pye – Everything You Know Is Wrong 1.6
http://www.disclose.tv/action/viewvideo/45266/Lloyd_Pye___Everything_You_Know_is_Wrong_1_6/
Related Articles by Lloyd Pye:
Human Origins – Part 1
Human Origins – Part 2
Darwinism vs. Creationism
Life’s True Beginnings
Our Earliest Human Ancestor?
Carpenter Genes
Mystery Skulls
http://www.starchildproject.com

TWE
August 18, 2011 9:05 pm

Anyone else notice the whole alien/ufo thing is getting a lot more media attention lately? When did they decide to start treating it as an actual threat like these morons with this article? NASA involving itself is just ridiculous. They’re just trying to scare us with something else now that no one cares about CAGW.

Steve Oregon
August 18, 2011 9:05 pm

We come in peace.
[Post enhanced.☺ ~dbs]

T Meadows
August 18, 2011 9:08 pm

They’ve got to be taking the piss at this point. It’s pretty obvious that you receive citations and funding based on including the global warming tag on your paper. Take that rationale to its logical (and comedic) extreme and this is the result.

August 18, 2011 9:10 pm

They’ve lost it in the same manner that Hitler lost it in his final days. In a total fantasy world, surrounded by itchy sycophants. Amazing.

Neo
August 18, 2011 9:12 pm

I swear I’ve seen this movie before …
Yes, it was Keanu Reeves’ biggest dud.
The Day the Earth Stood Still (2008)
An alien spacecraft of sorts arrives in New York City. Aboard is a human-like alien and a giant robot of immense size and power. The alien identifies himself as Klaatu and says he has come to save the Earth. When the friendly, PC woman scientist, learns exactly what he means when he says he is there to save the Earth (destroy mankind), she tries to convince him to change his intentions.

TimC
August 18, 2011 9:15 pm

Paging Josh, come in Mr Josh please. Cartoon essential for this thread!

rbateman
August 18, 2011 9:21 pm

TWE says:
August 18, 2011 at 9:05 pm
Unconfirmed reports scattered about that something along the lines of a staged Alien landing is afoot.
Funny how NASA is so eager to boot Elenin, but is quick to drop tantalizing hints of extraterrestrial visitation. It mixes like oil on water.

August 18, 2011 9:28 pm

Walter Dnes says:
August 18, 2011 at 7:11 pm
After reviewing the drivel on broadcast TV, I’m sure the aliens will conclude there is no intelligent life on earth. Gilligan’s Island may have unintentionally saved humanity.

And if Gilligan couldn’t do, Jersey Shore most assuredly will.

August 18, 2011 9:30 pm

Smokey said:

If, at the beginning of the industrial revolution only 150 years ago, a U.S. nuclear powered aircraft carrier had appeared, it could easily have destroyed the entire world’s wooden ship navies, and capitals, no problem.

Nah, they would run out of ammo and fuel for the aircraft pretty quickly.

August 18, 2011 9:34 pm

Maybe I have had a bit too much of the Old Pulteney tonight but I cannot believe anybody actually wrote this as a serious endeavor. Somebody, somewhere planted this article and The Guardian picked it up or The Guardian knows it is crap and printed it anyway. I especially liked the section about not broadcasting anything that could tell the Aliens about the biological make up of humans. Isn’t that what we broadcast every hour every day?

August 18, 2011 9:37 pm

Thanks Barry Day, I just lost several IQ points from clicking one of your links.

Paul R
August 18, 2011 9:53 pm

“A preemptive strike [from extraterrestrials] would be particularly likely in the early phases of our expansion because a civilization may become increasingly difficult to destroy as it continues to expand.”
The proper way to look at this enormous threat to mankind is that we as humans must do everything in our power to advance ourselves as quickly as possible to get up there and whoop ET before he knows what hit him.

F. Ross
August 18, 2011 9:58 pm

We should all definitely consider implementing Plan B.

Julian Braggins
August 18, 2011 9:59 pm

I’m surprised no-one read any of the comments in the Guardian, those who say this must be a late night (relaxant inspired ?) brainstorming session are spot on, as the explanation by one of the authors shows;
—————————–
“So here’s the thing. This isn’t a “NASA report.” It’s not work funded by NASA, nor is it work supported by NASA in other ways. It was just a fun paper written by a few friends, one of whom happens to have a NASA affiliation.”
http://paleblueblog.org/post/9110304050/some-important-points-of-clarification

Douglas DC
August 18, 2011 10:00 pm

Some how if NASA gets a transmission:”We are the Borg.Resistance is futile.Prepare to
be assimilated.” I do not think it is because of AGW…
Though I could see AlGore and Mann for instance as Borg….

Julian Braggins
August 18, 2011 10:12 pm

Neo says:
August 18, 2011 at 9:12 pm
“———When the friendly, PC woman scientist, learns exactly what he means when he says he is there to save the Earth (destroy mankind), she tries to convince him to change his intentions.”
Obviously, the movie failed because it was counter to reality, the PC scientist would have said ” Great, let’s get started !” But, she didn’t need the Aliens, she has the Greens 🙁

DJ
August 18, 2011 10:45 pm

They must have gotten paid by the word….
Me? I’d have made, at $1/word, 7 bucks.
We won’t know till they get here.

R.S.Brown
August 18, 2011 11:04 pm

Look. There’s a guy sitting over there in some kind of technician’s garb…
His hands are covering his face. He’s rythmically rocking back and forth saying
to no one in particular, “This is not happening. This is not happening !”
I think he was a scientist who, in good faith, staked his reputation and career
on the proposition that AGW was a demonstrably valid hypothosis.

TimTheToolMan
August 18, 2011 11:09 pm

In this case “peer reviewed” means some actors read it.

TK
August 18, 2011 11:14 pm

That’s explain it …. Al Gore is an alien. He’s the preemptive strike.

Craig
August 18, 2011 11:16 pm

Wow! Can you imagine how viral a youtube video of the destruction of the world would go? Ya mon! And when they do it, I wanna be right at ground zero and feel that special ET love while I’m being vaporized… into another form of… GREENHOUSE GAS! Bwahaaaaa!!!!

MJW
August 18, 2011 11:16 pm

An interesting commentary at NASA Watch:
Keith’s note: (Sigh) This article is prominently featured on the Drudge Report with the title of “NASA REPORT: Aliens may destroy humanity to protect other civilizations…”. This is not a “NASA report”. Nor does the Guardian article accurately describe the paper’s content and conclusions.

I don’t know if it’s a NASA report, but I skimmed the paper, and it seems to me the Guardian article is accurate as to both the content and the conclusions.

Snufflegruff
August 18, 2011 11:21 pm

Maybe it is possible to have faster-than-light travel using wind-power or solar…

James Allison
August 18, 2011 11:27 pm

I have the solution
So Simple
A. Back off and let those men who want to marry men, marry men.
 
B. Allow those women who want to marry women, marry women.
 
C. In three generations, there will be no Greens.
I love it when a plan comes together so simply

Editor
August 18, 2011 11:30 pm

After 9/11 the left tried to put their own grievances in the mouths of al Qaeda, warning that we needed to become less capitalist, less imperialist, less prosperous, less consuming of resources, less racist (their accusation), more equalitarian, more socialist, more accepting of stone age intolerance, etcetera, if we wanted to avoid further “backlash.” Now they are putting their own grievances in the mouths of E.T..
Very simply, it is THEY–in this case a cadre of NASA approved leftists–that want to destroy mankind, and their war against prosperity is well in control of the levers of power in many western countries, the worst example being the United States.

MJW
August 18, 2011 11:31 pm

Also, TimM’s comment, “To Serve Mann,” is the thread winner.

Nigel S
August 18, 2011 11:32 pm

Taking a clue from the picture I’m guessing they will start in Vegas with a ‘Sex Bomb’.

Mike Spilligan
August 18, 2011 11:45 pm

If I can stop laughing for a few moments, there could be a serious side to this. Maybe Guardian readers will suddenly realise that they’ve been hoaxed and then defrauded all along.

Dave
August 18, 2011 11:55 pm

Please don’t be too concerned! We Australians are happy to provide the billions we will collect from our Carbon Tax to put towards weapon research to hold off the coming alien invasion.

Alleagra
August 19, 2011 12:35 am

As one commenter on the Guardian aritlcle aptly noted:-
“I guess this is what is considered work at NASA now that the space shuttle program is dead.”

Steve C
August 19, 2011 12:35 am

One really shouldn’t mock the afflicted (suppresse another laughing fit) … but it’s wonderful to see that the spirit of Robert Sheckley is still alive and well, and producing those superbly hilarious off-beat SF scenarios. I’m guessing that in book two the aliens will realise that our CO2 has been heating the whole solar system and run away in terror of their lives. More, please!

August 19, 2011 12:48 am

Across the Vast Expanse of Space
What technology
is needed to traverse a
great galactic span?
NASA’s scientists
can calulate the figures
if anyone can.
Aliens, they yell,
<a href="http://allrightallright.blogspot.com/2011/08/aliens-plan-to-destroy-evil-human.html"will construct starships and come
to earth and kill man.
(Of course, those beings,
many centuries ago,
must have hatched their plan.)
Alternatively,
they suggest, we could impose
a coal-burning ban;
then, from far away,
aliens would halt our doom
before it began.

Shevva
August 19, 2011 12:50 am

Look on the bright side that’s about it for scare stories and AGW, what’s left? Well not to tempt fate but couldn’t all this CO2 stop the earth spinning?
The greatest scienctific research ever under taken?
Madder than a bag of cats.

Scottish Sceptic
August 19, 2011 12:59 am

Geoff C says: August 18, 2011 at 2:57 pm
“If aliens can detect any fingerprint of intelligent life on earth, it will be our electronics communications.”
What is it about people that ignore the bleeding obvious!!!
Look at the ceiling!! What do you see? Look at the sky (at night) what do you see? Look down a telescope in any urban environment … what do you see?
Human created light! Light modulated at various harmonics of 5Hz light that is millions billions trillions? of times larger than any of the stupid “beacons to extraterrestrial life”.
Indeed, if any alien were to look at the bleedingly obvious signal of human created light and the signals from all that mains cabling and its harmonics, the one conclusion they will draw is that:
The world is controlled by two empires/religions, one based on the 60Hz “faith” and the other on 50Hz. They will then be able to plot the progression and growth of each empire draw fabulous “representations” of the churches of the 50Hz and 60Hz religions and no doubt show the high priests of the religions in their coats of flashing colours with tenticles hanging out.

P Wilson
August 19, 2011 1:23 am

They have some weird dreams over at NASA

jaymam
August 19, 2011 1:32 am

I’ve checked and these people seem to be serious.
So is it OK if I add Seth D. Baum, Jacob D. Haqq-Misra, & Shawn D. Domagal-Goldman to the list of people who should never be believed about anything?

kadaka (KD Knoebel)
August 19, 2011 1:34 am

Bill Parsons said on August 18, 2011 at 3:36 pm:

Well, Penn State, for one, can welcome our big-headed overlords.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Mann4.jpg
Gee, I don’t know, I have seen bigger…
Huh, that’s strange. His eyes seem to be following me as I move around… Like they’re watching me somehow… I can feel those dark beady orbs peering into my soul…
===
Noticed this on Michael Mann’s Wikipedia entry when finding the pic, note it now before it’s “disappeared” as too revealing:

Mann, along with Gavin Schmidt, Stefan Rahmstorf, and others, co-founded the RealClimate website, launched in December 2004. The website’s purpose is to provide a site for commentaries by working climate scientists, “for interested public and journalists.” It is part of The Guardian’s Environmental Network.[17]

I’m uncertain, given Wikipedia’s partially chaotic nature, if all three of these together are Reference 17 or just the first with the other two unnumbered/forgotten in the reference list:

Pearce, Fred, The Climate Files: The Battle for the Truth about Global Warming, (2010) Guardian Books, ISBN 978-0-85265-229-9, pp. VII, XVIII.
“RealClimate: About”. RealClimate. 1 December 2004. Retrieved 2010-09-13.
“Welcome climate bloggers”. Nature 432 (7020): 933–200. 2004. Bibcode 2004Natur.432Q.933.. doi:10.1038/432933a. PMID 15616516

So The Guardian is quite happy with Mann’s pet blog creation as it’s part of their “Environmental Network.” And they decided this chunk of craptastic goodness from Mann’s stomping grounds was worthy of the slaughter of quadrillions of innocent electrons to broadcast it to the world.
An ongoing conspiracy to misinform and deceive the public into believing CAGW? Gee, why would anyone think that?

P Wilson
August 19, 2011 1:38 am

They seem obsessed in making false links between c02 and other factors – that’s their mindset.
c02 may cause global warmnig
co2 may cause aliens to invade.
what next?

P Wilson
August 19, 2011 1:39 am

I got one:
greenhouse gases may cause the universe to implode

David Schofield
August 19, 2011 1:55 am

The best thing is the Guardian comments. Has to be bad for that lot to go against it!

Prjindigo
August 19, 2011 2:01 am

I would say that the increasing industrial waste levels would be a sign that we are NOT a threat. When we master industry without releasing large amounts of thermally active gases and particulate I believe we’ll be much more threatening.

View from the Solent
August 19, 2011 2:02 am

Now let’s be serious folks. Wait until this paper has been peer-reviewed at The Journal of Irreproducible Results before criticising.

View from the Solent
August 19, 2011 2:03 am
John Marshall
August 19, 2011 2:09 am

What are these people on?
Considering that human production of CO2 is only 3% of the total produced annually how could we pose a threat.

Mike M
August 19, 2011 2:25 am

Did my tax dollars help pay the people who produced this claptrap? If so I’m contacting my senator.

Andrew Harding
Editor
August 19, 2011 2:27 am

I have said many times that the longer this AGW drivel continues to influence our political “leaders” then the more outlandish will be their claims. Having said that I think we have probably hit the zenith with this one.
You couldn’t make it up!!

August 19, 2011 2:27 am

This is Gandhi reversed isn’t it? First they think they’ve won, then they scorn you, then you laugh at them, then they’re done.
Besides, the onion has already done this one much better; the real cause of global warming is clearly a new solar system discovered about four feet off the ground;
“http://www.theonion.com/articles/new-solar-system-discovered-four-feet-from-earth,1094/”

August 19, 2011 2:30 am

DanDaly says:
August 18, 2011 at 5:59 pm

The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy was a better story. It’s a lot easier for me to believe that alien civilizations would wipe out Earth because of a civil engineering bureaucratic foul-up, than to believe …

Actually, that was a cover story. It was actually destroyed deliberately under the instructions of Zaphod, who was coerced into it by his psychoanalyst since he was unable to pay his humongous bill (IIRC).
Mind you, that was probably a cover story for …. And so it goes on. May God bless and look after Douglas Adams for eternity!

Joe Horner
August 19, 2011 2:38 am

Come on, everyone, you’re forgetting the New Scientific Principle…
“Peer review so it MUST be true!!!!”
It really is worse than we thought 🙁

Allan M
August 19, 2011 3:04 am

Well, this beats dendromancy hands down, and from the home of Dendromantist in Chief, Holy Michael.

Myrrh
August 19, 2011 3:09 am

http://www.guardian.co.uk/uk/2010/dec/05/olympic-games-2012-alien-conspiracy-theory
Obvious ain’t it – part of the plot to stage a fake alien invasion at the 2012 Olympic Games in London by the new world order elite . The NASA and Penn connection for ‘credibility’, and of course, the Guardian in on the plot helping to provide sufficient background so pushing the NASA connection as if it’s an official report – it isn’t is it…?
Hmm. ET go home.
And take all the AGW scientists with you.

Myrrh
August 19, 2011 3:16 am

The dry run in 1984..

John G
August 19, 2011 4:04 am

Space aliens have already taken over the earth. They have infiltrated the UN. The plan to reduce CO2 in the name of saving the planet is their plan to tip the earth into the next glaciation and wipe out humanity. Then they’ll warm the place back up and live here.
Now doesn’t that sound more reasonable than space aliens observing the earth’s climate from light years away and deciding to attack because we’re a threat to ourselves.

Ralph
August 19, 2011 4:16 am

Never mind the vacuous nature of NASA, what about the void in the Grauniad.
The Grauniad used to pride itself on being the liberal academic’s broadsheet, and now it has turned into the National Enquirer. Says a lot for the UK intelligentsia in general and the Green movement in particular.
.

Ralph
August 19, 2011 4:22 am

>>Greg Bone says: August 18, 2011 at 6:50 pm
>>Just want to clarify a point on what is required to achieve the
>>speed of light. The sun accelerates several tons of matter every
>>second to the speed of light in the form of photons.
Errrrr … since photons are massless, how do you imagine that there are ‘several tons of them’?? Go and stand in the corner, Master Bone, and take this pointy hat with you. Big ‘D’ to the front, thank you.
.

Ralph
August 19, 2011 4:23 am

>>Greg Bone says: August 18, 2011 at 6:50 pm
>>Just want to clarify a point on what is required to achieve the
>>speed of light. The sun accelerates several tons of matter every
>>second to the speed of light in the form of photons.
Errrrr … since photons are massless, how do you imagine that there are ‘several tons of them’?? Go and stand in the corner, Master Bone, and take this pointy hat with you. Big ‘D’ to the front, thank you.
Better still, you could join the Grauniad as their science correspondent.
.

JudyW
August 19, 2011 4:31 am

It’s more likely that the world’s military will kill us with climate tinkering. Studies should be done on the the impact of aluminum oxide on human health and climate. An aluminum shield around the earth may make high and low frequency communication systems work better but it is not good for the rest. Spraying this stuff in the atmosphere under the guise on engineering a solution for global warming has not been proven.

Fenarrrk new high comander
August 19, 2011 4:48 am

Sorry we will be late with the invasion and subsequent destruction of earth as our fleet were blinded by the light emitting from a certain house in the earth area of Belle Meade, Nashville and sadly careered into your moon !
Therefore we kindly request that a certain Al Gore turn his bloody lights off and we can get on with the job of annihilating your planet

amoorhouse
August 19, 2011 4:58 am

Can we have your liver then?

August 19, 2011 5:04 am

So I guess the man-bear-pig attack failed?
NASA was once a respected science group.

David Waring
August 19, 2011 5:11 am

Looks like the Drake Equation will need adjustment :
from N = R* fp ne fl fi fc L
to N = R* fp ne fl (fi-nAGW) fc L
(Although further research may show that nAGW is a constant, with a value of 1).

Blade
August 19, 2011 5:13 am

TimM [August 18, 2011 at 5:47 pm] says:
To Serve Mann . . .

ROTFLMAO! You know this will probably evolve into something else:
To Serve PSU . . . several FOIA requests
Two links mentioned in earlier comments: Nasa Watch and PaleBlue blog have made it clear that NASA is not involved in this fiasco, although the fact that there was even some doubt *does* reflect on the current NASA and its direction. I was going to offer my opinion that this was a simple internal mis-communication where the NASA employee was told ‘Moslem outreach’ but took it as ‘Alien outreach’. Ah well.
Those comments from the authors at the above mentioned links do not address PSU however. They say they were just having fun. Perhaps, but did the taxpayers chip in at all? You guys who wrote this ‘paper’ better get on damage control or else you may singlehandedly be responsible for FOIA’s and a lot of aggravation for the school from the PA Attorney General and Congress, not to mention the public and their alumnus. Kinda ironic, a lefty newspaper blog (Guardian) fingers PSU and NASA, and the AGW cult suffers another blow! It’s like friendly fire. Almost feel sorry for them. Almost.
This is also gonna leave a mark because one other casualty will be the typical AGW cultist that throws around the: ‘Hey, we have thousands of peer reviewed papers backing our claims!’. Yep. So much for that cavalier statement. For example, the immediate response to that claim will be something along the lines of: ‘Peer reviewed papers huh? You mean like this one!’.
Justice. It’s all good. 🙂

Matt G
August 19, 2011 5:13 am

If anybody has problems getting a science paper peer reviewed and published, then just stick this one in their face. This is one fine example that any paper will be accepted along as it links AGW to it. Scientific method doesn’t matter, science doesn’t matter, imagination and alarm does.
Imagination responce in progress.
“The planet has not been attacked by ET over recent decades of warming because detected that humans have had little do with it and also observed warming over the centuries”
“ET detected other planets in the solar system warming too from light years away so knew solar activity was part of it”
“ET behind humans backs rented a copy of independance day and despite concerned of slight warming of the planet, called off attacks because got scared what humans may do to unfriendly visitors.

LarryT
August 19, 2011 5:15 am

I believe that the probability of an alien invasion is higher that the probability of any of these “scientists” getting another grant.

Frederick Davies
August 19, 2011 5:18 am

April Fools day comes late this year!
FD

August 19, 2011 5:26 am

http://paleblueblog.org/post/9110304050/some-important-points-of-clarification
So here’s the thing. This isn’t a “NASA report.” It’s not work funded by NASA, nor is it work supported by NASA in other ways. It was just a fun paper written by a few friends, one of whom happens to have a NASA affiliation.

But I do admit to making a horrible mistake. It was an honest one, and a naive one… but it was a mistake nonetheless. I should not have listed my affiliation as “NASA Headquarters.” I did so because that is my current academic affiliation. But when I did so I did not realize the full implications that has. I’m deeply sorry for that, but it was a mistake born our of carelessness and inexperience and nothing more. I will do what I can to rectify this, including distributing this post to the Guardian, Drudge, and NASA Watch. Please help me spread this post to the other places you may see the article inaccurately attributed to NASA.

Robert Mapp
August 19, 2011 5:28 am

Message E.T.A. soon.
Reads as follows.:-
Do not worry, you are not worth the bullet.
message end.

Nuke
August 19, 2011 5:39 am

No doubt the aliens will want to harvest our precious bodily fluids, too.

Editor
August 19, 2011 5:56 am

Oliver Morton (@Eaterofsun) says:
August 19, 2011 at 5:26 am
> So here’s the thing. This isn’t a “NASA report.” It’s not work funded by NASA, nor is it work supported by NASA in other ways.
Not to worry – NASA knows full well it cannot block attempts by people affiliated with NASA from spouting off to peer journals, the US Congress, or anyone else who might be listening off the planet, especially if the subject includes CO2 pollution. Perhaps they’ll get an EPA grant to see if ETs will want to sample CO2 from Venus (too much sulfur?), Mars (too thin?), or Earth (just right, with good oceanic and limestone storage).
I would like to know who did the peer review….

DaveF
August 19, 2011 5:57 am

BBC Radio 4 News at One just reported this story. They played the ‘Dr. Who’ theme first, then said that NASA says we should curb our greenhouse emissions to avoid alien attack, then said, “We’ll let you think about that one.” So if even the Beeb doesn’t believe it….

Matt G
August 19, 2011 6:03 am

http://paleblueblog.org/post/9110304050/some-important-points-of-clarification
[So here’s the thing. This isn’t a “NASA report.” It’s not work funded by NASA, nor is it work supported by NASA in other ways. It was just a fun paper written by a few friends, one of whom happens to have a NASA affiliation.]
Someone taking the mickey out of the peer reviewed system, not a suprise this is too unbelievable to be true, but not too different from the rubbish supporting AGW that is accepted.

eyesonu
August 19, 2011 6:11 am

I have been in contact with the Aliens through the use of ACID (Alien Contact Interstellar Dialog). They sent one of their Ambassadors (ronaldmcdonald), a rather funny looking chap who reminded me of a clown, who explained that the Alien society was not going to destroy Planet. They were going to harvest some of the humans to eat. They were going to pick only the biggest, plump, juicy ones; much like we pick the big fat plump cherry for a treat. You see, they are actually an advanced plant society (triffids) and their relatives are evolving on Planet. The Aliens are angry that we have been eating their brethren but need us to increase CO2 levels to 666 ppm so that they can complete their evolution.
POT (Propaganda Overruling Thinking) will rise as the benchmark for the intellectual organizational structure of this newly evolved species that will then become the prime contact with ACID, which will then regulate the harvest of humans. The EPA (Extraterrestrial Propaganda Agency) will be the duel interface with ACID that will regulate all CO2 levels so as the plants on Planet are hindered in growth so that they do not become a threat to the Extraterrestrial plants. The EPA will serve the duel purpose of keeping the plants at bay while providing a stable supply of plump, ripe humans for a sustainable environment.
Another organization, the IPCC (Interstellar Propaganda Colony Control), through frequent contact with ACID, will serve as the prime driver of policy to control humans by showing that the plants are doing the humans a favor by eating them, as it keeps their population under control. A Goreacle will be installed to help the IPCC control the masses.
There will be a major effort to eliminate the army of ones, the WUWT (World Understanding Weather Traits), as any independent thinking will have a detrimental effect on the combined efforts and effects of the EPA, ACID, POT, IPCC, and the Goreacle. This underground army is believed to be led by Anthony Watts, but due to the independent nature of its members there could be hundreds of thousands of cells.
I will now meet with a representitive of BEER ( … ).

Darren Parker
August 19, 2011 6:11 am

Look up Curiosity on Discovery and in particular their look at Project Blue Beam

August 19, 2011 6:20 am

Is it April Fool’s Day?
Someone must be putting on a con, right?

Espen
August 19, 2011 6:44 am

I skimmed through the report and thought it looked like a fun little paper. Of course the Guardian picked up just one of very many possible scenarios and twisted it.

Adam Gallon
August 19, 2011 6:53 am

Josh could have a field day with this.

Editor
August 19, 2011 7:08 am

I always wondered where Al Gore got his ideas from…
Al and Alf discussing climate change
Come to think of it… Alf’s “Dad”, Willie, looked a lot like Joe Lieberman… 😉

yaosxx
August 19, 2011 7:12 am

Apologies if someone else has mentioned this – but wasn’t this scenario about aliens taking the liberty over careless earthlings a film with Keanu Reeves…? The Day the Earth stood still (remake – not the wonderful original) – a piece of green propaganda bilge.

Kaboom
August 19, 2011 7:23 am

The mere idea that atmospheric composition without knowing about the underlying system of oceans, landmass, ecosystems and their interactions would indicate anything to an outside observer is indicative that these people only work on one cylinder and never get the whole picture.

SJWhiteley
August 19, 2011 7:24 am

Question: If mace is a spround srang, and I have a bright hat, what time is it in Copenhagen?
Answer: a fly paper!
Correct!

Coach Springer
August 19, 2011 7:25 am

Trusting the scientists that Joh Huntsman trusts.
This one has my vote for all time whatever you call it.

August 19, 2011 7:27 am

For anyone who is interested,
Here is the authors web site
http://sethbaum.com/
Can anyone please explain to me why/how this obvious crackpot is able to produce this utter nonesense (presumably) at the US taxpayers expense and even worse subsequently get it ‘peer reviewed’ and published?
Here is his CV
http://sethbaum.com/cv.pdf
Note the ‘advisor’ for his PhD ‘Discounting Across Space and Time in Climate
Change Assessment’ is one William Ewart Easterling
http://www.eesi.psu.edu/people/Easterling.shtml
http://www.ems.psu.edu/easterling
http://www.ems.psu.edu/sites/default/files/u5/vita/Easterling_Resume.pdf
who is the Dean of EMS at PSU which makes him Michael E. Mann’s (http://www.meteo.psu.edu/~mann/Mann/) boss.
Enough said I think?

Pamela Gray
August 19, 2011 7:37 am

“OOOOHHH Baby! SHAG me!”
The plot of the next psychadelic Bond movie has been born.

leftymartin
August 19, 2011 7:45 am

Well, Michael Crichton did tell us, tongue firmly in cheek, how space aliens (or, rather, a belief in space aliens) cause global warming. Now we have “scientists” telling us, in all seriousness, that space aliens could forcibly terminate global warming.
If these characters are worried about how space aliens should react to us, they should be less concerned with greenhouse gases, and much more concerned over potential alien concern that global warming psychosis (and other popular eco-psychoses) are possibly contagious and thus Earth should be forcibly quarantined (or worse).
This has to take the award for climate craziness of the week, no contest.

Theo Goodwin
August 19, 2011 7:46 am

Mark Baker says:
August 18, 2011 at 9:34 pm
“Maybe I have had a bit too much of the Old Pulteney tonight but I cannot believe anybody actually wrote this as a serious endeavor. Somebody, somewhere planted this article and The Guardian picked it up or The Guardian knows it is crap and printed it anyway. I especially liked the section about not broadcasting anything that could tell the Aliens about the biological make up of humans. Isn’t that what we broadcast every hour every day?”
Actually, it is a good use of the Precautionary Principle. There is a finite chance that an advanced alien civilization exists (by “finite,” we mean that a finite number of zeros is needed to express the probability). There is a finite chance that the aliens might become pissed off because of our global warming. Therefore, the Precautionary Principle demands that we take action to prevent to possibility that Earth might be destroyed by Green Pissed Off Aliens. We must take action to reverse global warming and to create defenses appropriate for aliens. We will have new taxes on energy and new taxes for defense. In a way, it is sort of a Left-Right political compromise.

Wiglaf
August 19, 2011 7:46 am

So, let me get this straight. Scientists have been arguing that current and future CO2 production will cause catastrophes and destruction, thus, eliminating most of humanity. They say, to save ourselves, we need to reduce CO2 emissions. But, now, the theory is our destructive CO2 and the production and technology related to it’s emission, if left unchecked, will make us too strong to destroy so the aliens will have to destroy us preemptively??? I kind of like the alien theory better, all things considered.

D. King
August 19, 2011 7:48 am

GORT! klaatu barada nikto CO2-O

Theo Goodwin
August 19, 2011 7:59 am

Merovign says:
August 18, 2011 at 6:07 pm
“Any one of use could make exactly the same argument with equal force on any topic you could think of.”
Yes, that is the folly of the Precautionary Principle. Unfortunately, the Head of the EPA, Lisa Jackson, has cited the Precautionary Principle as one justification for the EPA treating CO2 as a threat to humans.

G. Karst
August 19, 2011 8:04 am

You are all being TOO skeptical.
Penn state is absolutely correct!
Michael Mann is an alien! He was dispatched to the Earth to regress it’s technology, stimulate a return of ice age glaciation, and cause the extinction of a possible competitor. This dastardly plot, even recruits duped and zombified humans to aid in their own destruction.
They are here, and there doesn’t seem to be much we can do about it!
Doom, doom, and double doom. GK

michaelfury
August 19, 2011 8:06 am
August 19, 2011 8:08 am

All of this Climate Change caused by man made global warming has it’s roots firmly based in the realm of Augmented reality, so it’s not at all surprising that it has opened up a whole new form of science of ‘anything is possible’, the result of which is evident by the increase of even more fantastical papers and accepted theories, the motto of this new group of scientists should be “Standing on the shoulders of Idiots”.
It’s even more remarkable that a news publication can conclude from these fantastical papers and theories and show the world the embarrassing quality of their intellect and just how low the journalistic standards are at the Guardian by publishing such fantastic and all-to memorable quotes like->
“reducing our emissions might just save humanity from a pre-emptive alien attack, scientists claim”
And it has the most hilarious headlines that would make satirical publications such a the Onion or the Daily Mash envious,
“Aliens may destroy humanity to protect other civilisations, say scientists”
This headline must really confuse satirical writers!
Are they suggesting that human civilisation should tax it’s self out of technological existence and cower like a heard of frightened sheep in the face of this theoretical extraterrestrial threat based on what is clearly a scientific peer reviewed paper?
If this is the case, by the time our evil alien overlords get here to start an intergalactic war we should be able to fight them off with our giant Eco-friendly Trebuchets.
I was hoping for a light saber at least when going into interstellar battle. Isn’t Science fun!!

DSOvercast
August 19, 2011 8:22 am

Just wanted to apologize Anthony for not scrolling far enough down this morning before submitting stories…as usual…you are way ahead of me. 🙂

Bob Diaz
August 19, 2011 8:25 am

Given that it’s NOT April Fools Day, I’ll guess that someone was smoking some really powerful stuff!!!
Not even Mad Magazine could come up with something as crazy as this!!!!

August 19, 2011 8:30 am

Waiting for PSU to protest being associated…still waiting…anything?

Gary Swift
August 19, 2011 8:55 am

Yeah, the superior minds of the aliens might be able to understand that a slightly warmer planet is a good thing, leading them to assume that we are smarter than we really are. Then they’ll come here to congratulate us and meet us face to face. Then they’ll learn to read our language and discover how stupid we really are and blow us up. That makes sense to me. Not exactly the same line of reasoning as the above referenced “paper”, but the end result is the same: we’re doomed. 🙁

Gary Krause
August 19, 2011 8:56 am

Ack Ack Ack… Ack Ack!!! Ack! Ack Ack?
Translation found in the deep thinking minds of journalistic and bureaucratic mutants.

Jimash
August 19, 2011 8:59 am

{puts on moonbat cap}
Everyone gets all up in the “lightspeed” thing and how aliens would need to be home for dinner.
No one considers that a civilization far in advance of our own may not find life in space to be a problem. They may be physically and intellectually capable of multithousand year trips
and not care about going home at all. They could be close by and watching, having pulled in to the solar system long ago.
And the scenario missed is the one where it is we who are being groomed to fight with some other species who may be on their rapacious way here as we speak.
{end moonbat transmission}