By Bill Steigerwald
“Junior saves the day”
U.S. CAPITOL BUILDING
Senator Boxer had to bang her gavel 15 times before she could stop the riotous laughter and regain order in the hearing room.
“Have that disrespectful boy in the baseball cap removed from this room at once,” she barked to the security guards. Grandpa turned around and saw two guards escorting Junior and Mother out the door.
“Stop!” he roared, standing to his full 10 feet and silencing the room. “I have something I want to tell everyone.”
“No you do not, Mr. Bear,” Senator Boxer shouted rabidly, banging her gavel and rapping her palm sharply on the top of her microphone. “Sit down, sir, or you’ll be removed as well!”
Grandpa stared long and hard at Senator Boxer’s face. He knew now he must do something he hoped he’d never have to do to a human being. But if he wanted to deliver his polar bear manifesto, it was now or never.
Grandpa walked over to Senator Boxer’s desk and looked directly into her angry bulging eyes. Then he bared his fearsome front teeth, raised one of his massive clawed paws and … slowly took off his eyeglasses.
“Oh, my Lord, you’re a real …!” Senator Boxer squealed before fainting dead away.
The other senators, except snoozing Senator Specter and cheering Senator Inhofe, gawked in horror at Grandpa. Grandpa put his eyeglasses in his coat pocket and turned to the spectators.
“Bear!!!!” a man screamed. “Run for your lives!”
“Don’t be afraid!” Grandpa shouted.
“A talking bear!!!!” screamed a woman in a $30 Greenpeace save-the-polar-bear sweatshirt. “Run for your lives!!!
“Please, listen,” Grandpa pleaded as a dozen TV cameras zoomed in on his face.
No one heard a word Grandpa said. Two hundred people were yelling and crying and knocking over chairs as they tried to escape.
Senator Franken threw a glass of ice water in Senator Boxer’s face. “What should I do?” he cried, “call the zoo?”
“Call 911, you idiot,” sputtered Senator Boxer, crawling under her desk, “before that horrible beast eats us all.”
In the confusion, as live TV cameras sent the sights and sounds of a talking polar bear to every corner of the world, Junior climbed up to Senator Boxer’s desktop, picked up her microphone and rapped it as hard as he could with his paw.
Peh-thunk, peh-thunk, peh-thunk. Peh-thunk, peh-thunk, peh-thunk.
Then he took off his baseball cap – and his eyeglasses — and began softly singing his favorite song. It was the song Junior always heard when he and Grandpa watched the Chicago Cubs games on TV.
O! say can you see by the dawn’s early light
What so proudly we hailed at the twilight’s last gleaming?
Whose broad stripes and bright stars through the perilous fight,
O’er the ramparts we watched were so gallantly streaming?
The hearing room became totally silent. Senator Boxer warily crept out from under her desk to see what was going on. Senator Specter’s eyes fluttered open and closed and, half asleep, he quietly sang along to himself.
And the rockets’ red glare, the bombs bursting in air,
Gave proof through the night that our flag was still there.
O! say does that star-spangled banner yet wave
O’er the land of the free and the home of the brave?
When Junior stopped singing, he put his eyeglasses back on and returned to his mother’s side. Everyone stared in disbelief, not quite sure what they had just seen and heard or even if it had been real. The Senate hearing room was so still everyone could hear the sirens of 25 emergency vehicles racing to the scene.
How cold will it be when there is no OJ for OJ.
How cold will it be when the snow covers the White House Door?
How cold will it be when the warming cult freezes over for our good?
How many, how cold, how just how did it get this cold and no one know but those left outside the CO2 door?
I gotta get me a pair of those glasses.
Bit off topic but I thought you all would appreciate the following citation.
“Politico reports “at least a half-dozen Democrats” in the Senate have told the White House to drop cap-and-trade. Recessions are notoriously harsh on the sales of luxury goods, and the nation is in no mood to spend hundreds of billions of lost economic output in order to buy a magical amulet to ward off global warming. Suggested compromise: Mr. President, why not deal with global warming with a nice interfaith prayer summit? You can invite every imam and Buddhist monk you know — don’t forget the pagans! — to hold hands and ask for a solution from whatever all-inclusive, nonpatriarchal supreme force might be inclined to listen. It’ll have the same effect on global warming as walloping everybody who uses carbon-based energy with a huge tax.”
Found here:
http://www.nypost.com/p/news/opinion/opedcolumnists/obama_last_year_Qt9KI3wKNO0fUDO3aq89bO
Thanks Mr. Steigerwald. I’ve really enjoyed the series so far. Just got around to catching up on it.
I’m waiting for Undercover Elephant to show up.
I think this is going to come out badly.
JC
Just love this line …
I’d pay real money to see that touching scene.
I love the Boxer descriptions…. very accurate… 🙂
Save the polar bears… up in the Arctic.
Put up those windmills… where I won’t see or hear them.
Cover the ground in solar panels… in another state.
Yes we can have nuclear power… in another country.
See a pattern?
Hey, here’s a question!
Transmission of electrical power is getting better, more efficient.
Could we just build the nukes in Mexico and ship the power here to the USA? Should go faster and cheaper than trying to get it done around here. Heck, we’re going to have to dump this “green” president who’s “all for clean safe energy” before we can even think about getting such clean safe energy!
Spenc Canada (21:15:08) :
Bit off topic but I thought you all would appreciate the following citation.
“Politico reports ‘at least a half-dozen Democrats’ in the Senate have told the White House to drop cap-and-trade.”
Actually, it fits in nicely, although it’d have been a better hoot if that story had broken as a postscript to the final chapter of the saga…
Thanks Mr. Steigerwald.
You have nicely summarized the essence of the AGW debate:
“O! say does that star-spangled banner yet wave
O’er the land of the free and the home of the brave?”
Best wishes to us all for 2010!
Oliver K. Manuel
As Britain told to expect snow for ‘next 10 days’, how is the rest of the world is coping with this Arctic weather?
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1240319/As-Britain-told-expect-snow-10-days-rest-world-coping-Arctic-weather.html
Grandpa, with those 2 modes of behavior, might be called a “bipolar bear”. With Polaroid sunglasses.
Perhaps the glasses have polar-ized lenses?
Oh dear – they’re at it again
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/earth/wildlife/6927330/Top-10-most-endangered-species-in-the-world.html
It’s a good thing no one claimed that pandemonium broke out.
1) Wrong species.
2) Wrong latitude.
3) Lost chance for me to point it out.
I have been following this for a while, it is all good fun!
So to return the laugh, here is this little gem found via the British Council interweb thingy,
“Dr. Rajendra Kumar Pachauri is the Chair of the Nobel Peace Prize-winning Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change (IPCC), the scientific intergovernmental body that provides decision-makers and the public with an objective source of information about climate change. He is also Director General of TERI (The Energy and Resources Institute). He has also been appointed as Director, Yale Climate and Energy Institute from July 2009. He was awarded the second-highest civilian award in India, the ‘Padma Vibhushan’ in January 2008 by the President of India and received the ‘Officier De La Légion D’Honneur’ from the Government of France in 2006.”
Now, where was the “objectivity” in any of the last 3 reports or at Copenhagen? I think it should have read “subjective” instead!
Slightly off topic but you heard it here second.
“The UK government has decided that the Met Office should have a new name to demonstrate their role in climate science. From 31st January 2010 the service is to be renamed the Meteorological Science Service. For ease of use this will be shortened to “The MESS”. A government spokesmen said this acronym truly demonstrates the services involvement and capability in climate science and weather forecasting.”
“All commentators and bloggers are welcome to start using the acronym from now on”
End of de press release.
No Polar Bears were available to comment on this and none were harmed by the making of this statement.
Junior should’a sung “Take Me Out to the Ballgame”
Unbearable is overused; it’s unbareable.
…-
“Europe in winter’s grip – Snow and severe frosts”
“Cold wave hits vast sections of China”
“‘Dozens of people’ die in India cold wave”
“U.S. in grips of long-lasting cold spell”
http://www.freerepublic.com/tag/news-forum/index
I suggest a new uniform to be mandatory for all people working at the Met, it will consist of:
1) 2 extremely oversize rubber feet
2) A red rubber nose
3) A wig with a notable bald spot and extreme fringe of hair
3) Striped pants with suspenders
4) Appropriate makeup.
——
If these clowns did not notice that the AMO reversed about 2 years ago, it is time for them to go back to kindergarten and start from ground zero with pudding painting again.
Could we just build the nukes in Mexico and ship the power here to the USA?
Oh, but then we’d have to build an entirely new power grid to carry the power, cuz, like, the ‘lectricity produced by nuke-yuh-lar power is, y’know, like, *different* from the ‘lectricity currently produced by, like, evil coal-fired plants or, y’know, magic…
How cold will it be when not all the bears in Chicago play pro football?
Meanwhile in the southern Peruvian high alpine summer, local Qechua speakers are dying from the extreme cold. We are told this is due to the rapid melting of the glaciers, in an unusual microclimate while the rest of the world is getting hotter.
Meanwhile in Berkeley, science labs are being cut from the curriculum for being “too white”.
I love the characterization of Senator B____.
I watched the Senate hearings last year where John Christy testified before the Senator’s Committee mtg on Global warming.
Boxer was rude beyond belief to this noted scientist. She even asked the AGW person to correct Christy’s errors but never allow Christy time to respond. Interesting, all the Democrats walked out of the hearing while Christy spoke except one hack that tried to dicredit John. They have no interest in facts at all it is just about her/their agenda. I don’t know how Christy remained polite throughout the session
She does not belong in a responsible position. Remember she chastized a multi star General for referring to her as Ma’am which is a polite term of respect. She went into a rage and insisted he address her as Senator. What a (self snip)!!
Hope this episode continues to characterize her as what she really is.
I have to take exception with Mr. Steigerwald. He wrote:
“Call 911, you idiot,” sputtered Senator Boxer, crawling under her desk, “before that horrible beast eats us all.”
It is a logical fallacy for Ms. Boxer to call anyone else an idiot.
Stacey…..ABSOLUTELY BRILLIANT!!!!!!!
I get the gist of the character list here: Boxer is the real beast in the story, shrieking and scolding. I like to think of her as the Outsourcing Champion of the Senate. Elections can’t come quick enough to stem the profuse economic bleeding due to her Shut America Down pawnshop extravaganza.
Just so long as Mr Bear calls her Senator and not Ma’am.
I love this, I nominate it for an award, only I cannot find one that has not been hackneyed and devalued. On my “unfit to serve” list, this boxer thing is up there near the top.
I remember when Sen. Boxer was called Barbara “Bouncer” Boxer.
The name came about because she wrote checks to the Senate Post Office annex made out to “Cash.” But Boxer’s checks all bounced, hence the nickname.
She didn’t just bounce one or two checks. Sen. Boxer kited over a hundred bad checks to the U.S. Post Office. She disregarded letters from the P.O. demanding repayment.
Someone in the Post Office finally called the newspaper, and when the story broke she quickly paid off the bad checks.
I wonder how the feds would treat you or I, if we had bounced even one check, and ignored their demands for repayment?
Senator Franken threw a glass of ice water in Senator Boxer’s face. “What should I do?” he cried, “call the zoo?”
“You gird your loins while I cinch up my Barbara Boxer Adjustable Thong to it’s maximal setting.”
Senator Boxer was soon back in action, her face showing a resulting expression of imminent threat possibly rivaled only by that of the Caput Medusa. But when the Zoo officials arrived they saw only one “protected species”, her, and off she was whisked to Rosewell Area 51 for examination and to just barely prevent the Public from a terminal panic. “The system worked”, DHS Chief Napolitano, later announced to a very troubled, but temporarily relieved Public, Boxer’s “I’ll be baaaack”, nevertheless still echoing in some ears.
Meanwhile in Berkeley, science labs are being cut from the curriculum for being “too white”.
Those of Asian extraction also being tarred as of a feather with the evil “forward looking” whites, eh? Touching, especially from the Diversity tribe. I guess they’re aiming for total gibberish as being the Model for knowledge, but by their own “logic” it would be impossible for anyone to say anything at all that anyone could understand. You’d be reduced to parroting noises at best, the “correct” ones of course.
A while back a Seattle School District – maybe the whole City? – declared planning for the future and “forward looking” as racist/White thinking. They also had a problem with the term “flesh colored” and some other nonsensical and counterproductive complaints, which they had institutionalized. They don’t seem to like human evolution very much.
Their aim appears to be to try to make everyone die being dumber than they were at birth.
Plato Says (03:57:33) :
Oh dear – they’re at it again
I’ve been waiting for them to run out of pretty things and animals, then suddenly discover sentient, “endangered microoganisms” so necessary to “life’s delicate balance” or somesuch. Actually I did hear someone worrying about a threatened micro parasite a couple of months ago.
If it’s not a fear inducing tactic or one dedicated to show how “sensitive”, “concerned”, or “in tune with nature” our empathetic superiors are, etc., it’s some kind of neurosis. Some ? centuries back in India, beggars used to roam the streets crying out, “Who’s going to feed the bed bugs?”, meaning them of course as the middlemen.